Size does matter apparently

Well, at least for height. I come from a family that is, well, vertically blessed. My brother and myself both tower over 95% of the American population.

Ten million years ago, this would have proved a great advantage for fruit gathering, predator spotting and swinging from the Baobab trees. Nowadays, this has become a rather dubious advantage. True, most females naturally gravitate towards taller males. For this, I thank my primordial ancestors.

But this is a minor advantage. Times have changed. The evolutionary advantages of reaching the difficult branches have been relegated to grabbing cans of lima beans from the upper grocery shelves.

And every time I visit a grocery store I am reminded of my height. The vertically challenged always manage to corner me, imploring me to, “Be so kind as to grab those six 10-gallon jugs of prune juice from the top shelf for me.”

Inevitably, this is followed up with, “It must be nice to be so tall. You could just grab anything you want.”

Let me tell you something. It’s not nice. Tall people are always being forced to help the puny. Since when were we relegated to being the world’s personal slaves? You don’t see us asking small people, “Excuse me, I’ve dropped my pen. You’re so much closer to the Earth then I am. Pick it up for me would you? That’s a good little gnome.”

And inevitably, we could follow up with, “It must be so nice to have such a low center of gravity. Never having to bend or stoop. Shoe-tying must be a breeze.”

This, of course, is an unthinkable breach of social etiquette. Why then, do perfect strangers feel no shame in asking the nearest giant to suddenly drop whatever it is they were doing, and perform tasks of manual labor for them?

Lack of stature isn’t a handicap is it?

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