How to Clear a Restaurant at Closing Time
- Repeatedly play, as loudly as your sound system can handle, the theme song from Charles in Charge.
- Walk from the kitchen eating a cup of soup. Cough and spew the soup everywhere. Turn back facing the kitchen and scream, Jesus Henry, you didnt get all the broken glass outta this soup!
- Within earshot of the customer, casually mention Yeah this is the table that guy died at. I just wish they would have let us wipe this table down before they sat these people at it.
- Let out a blood-curdling scream from the kitchen. Release a ferret in the dining area. Chase after it screaming, That furry bastard bit off my finger!
- Have the entire kitchen staff dress up as clowns. Walk into the dining area while sharpening cleavers. Slowly grin at the patrons.
- Drop some discarded fish parts in a mop bucket. Allow them to ripen. Leave bucket in the dining area near patrons.
- Start scratching violently. Encourage other waitstaff to do the same. Start crying and wailing. Ask each other if they had the soup as well.
- Sit down with the customers. Involve yourself in their conversation. Interrupt everything they say and contradict them continuously. Finally, jump up pointing an accusing finger and scream, Liar! I NEVER slept with either of you!
- Ask them if they drive a [whatever car is left in lot]. When they affirm, sigh quietly and look down. Mumble something about how sad it is that those sick vandals will probably never get caught.
- Sniff your fingers while frowning.
Copyright 2000 Davezilla but feel free to spread it around.
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