First in a series:
Idiotic habits that I find really damn annoying.
- Kicking the tires at the car dealership. Does this really show a mastery of automotive knowledge? I think not. Let me fill you in on something. When a dealer sees you kick tires, his immediate thought is not, Finally, an educated consumer. Rather its, Sucker!
- Tapping on the glass at the pet store. Why do people feel compelled to do this? Hello? Do you see ears on a fish? No. By the way tapping on glass does register a sound to fish. Like a cannon.
I know. I asked them.
- Revving the engine after turning the key. Brilliant. Your mechanic will thank you for it.
- The Hot Food Hand Dance. Youve seen this before. Youre at a Thai or Mexican restaurant. Your date bites down on a really hot chili pepper. Rather than do the sensible thing [ spit out the offending pepper ], your date keeps their mouth shut and waves their hands frantically. There are no known ventilation systems on the human body that are aided by hand-waving. It just looks silly. Stop it.
- Touching pregnant womens stomachs. Now, normally one doesnt walk up to a strange woman and put their hand on her stomach. But if shes pregnant, people think its perfectly acceptable to walk up slap their grubby hands on her. I dont get that.
- Shaking a Polaroid. Trust me. It will develop without your help.
[ Dont believe me? Read Polaroids opinion on it. ]
Im such a cad! I need to credit co-author John Schult
for suggesting numbers 1, 2, 3 and 5. Numbers 4 and 6 are by Davezilla.
Other essays by Davezilla