First in a series:
Idiotic habits that I find really damn annoying.

1. Kicking the tires at the car dealership. Does this really show a mastery of automotive knowledge? I think not. Let me fill you in on something. When a dealer sees you kick tires, his immediate thought is not, “Finally, an educated consumer.” Rather it’s, “Sucker!”
   
2. Tapping on the glass at the pet store. Why do people feel compelled to do this? Hello? Do you see ears on a fish? No. By the way tapping on glass does register a sound to fish. Like a cannon.
   I know. I asked them.
   
3. Revving the engine after turning the key. Brilliant. Your mechanic will thank you for it.
   
4. The Hot Food Hand Dance. You’ve seen this before. You’re at a Thai or Mexican restaurant. Your date bites down on a really hot chili pepper. Rather than do the sensible thing [ spit out the offending pepper ], your date keeps their mouth shut and waves their hands frantically. There are no known ventilation systems on the human body that are aided by hand-waving. It just looks silly. Stop it.
   
5. Touching pregnant women’s stomachs. Now, normally one doesn’t walk up to a strange woman and put their hand on her stomach. But if she’s pregnant, people think it’s perfectly acceptable to walk up slap their grubby hands on her. I don’t get that.
   
6. Shaking a Polaroid. Trust me. It will develop without your help.
   [ Don’t believe me? Read Polaroid’s opinion on it. ]

I’m such a cad! I need to credit co-author John Schult for suggesting numbers 1, 2, 3 and 5. Numbers 4 and 6 are by Davezilla.

Other essays by Davezilla