WAIT I WILL HELPS YOU TYEP

This picture, which originally appeared on I CAN HAS CHEEZEBURGER?, is now in the book of the same name! Go me Jade. Just got my copy in the mail today. Jade thinks it is a work of great historical importance. She may be right.

Real Fey-McCain Life Magazine cover from 2004 (In reference to my parody the other day).

Image via Jane R.

Crossing the casino floor (I’m legally prevented from saying which one by a NDA so profound I can’t even comment if it’s on this planet, let alone something as simple as it’s name) is like wandering through a menagerie of Darwinism (indeed, and participants in the Darwin Awards). Though the dude sucking back the eighteen pound hamburger pictured above has never hopped on his electrified fat-mobile and zoomed through the double-wide front doors to drop a few bucks before eating himself into a grease-coma, more than a few of our ‘guests’ (we don’t call them customers because apparently they feel better about being fist-fucked over impossible odds than if we called them ‘marks’, ’shills’ and ‘rubes’) are surely competing with him for the last chicken-fried french fry.

Truly. It’s like they all sat around the picnic bench in their living rooms and themselves a meeting, of which the primary question was ‘How fat can we get and still be in public without being assaulted by ivory whalers?’. Then, over a meal of KFC skin and liquified Krispy Kreme shakes, they slowly work their way towards an answer, much like the Ents in Lord of the Rings; no answer is ever come to quickly because, well, the only thing they’ll do quickly is make a grab for that last bit of deep-fried cheese.

The answer is very very big.

So big, in fact, that they can’t use the slot machines properly. This is more of an achievement than you might imagine, especially since they’re constructed in such a way as to encourage anybody (including people with walkers) to wander up and steadily lose their life savings to a machine that will, from time to time, proclaim ‘Ma, you have the purtiest tooth in the trailer park’ (this is absolutely true, there is a slot machine that makes this, and other noises). The chairs are neither constructed for nor intended to contain the weight of people who put you in mind of slow moving herds of four-footed stomachs. This has led to various bits of insanity (at least until the leather bucket recliners are installed … you know, the ones with the colostomy insert and the panic button that releases a few pounds of purified starch when hammered on by the scratching stick); they sort of park their fat-mobiles at an oblique angle to the machine and, if they are able, heave themselves bodily at their penny slot seat and wait until the world stops spinning before commencing in the ultimate expression of Pavlovian responses. If they’re not capable, they teeter ever so precariously on the edge of said lard-mover, totally defying Newton and giving the security guys (who are also First Aid attendants) a screaming case of the heebie-jeebies.

Would you wanna mouth to mouth that, or have to roll it over? Fat spreads out on when it’s on the ground, you know. Where do you put your hands? Do you just … grab hold and pretend you’re playing football? With a soggy metric ton pigskin? God forbid they have to go down there and administer the breath of life and find a fucking deep-fried turkey husk stuck to a back molar. I honestly think I’d rather be charged with manslaughter (if you read that right, it comes out as mans laughter, which always makes me kinda wonder) than risk that kind of creeping horror.

And it’s not just the morbidly obese that come and hang out in the casino, either. Oh no, that would be too simple, too … not as creepy.

Never in my life have I seen such a profound accumulation of no-chins, bird-eyes, pointy-heads, funny walks, indeterminate genders (and not just the usual man, woman and both, but some kind of weirdly creepy one-minute-man-next-minute-woman depending on the light), and crazy talkin’ to themselves weirdos. They sit cheek by jowl by feather with each other on chairs that are not designed to be comfortable for hours on end, and I wonder to myself if they’re thinking (independently, of course) ‘God, the person next to me is a fucking weirdo’. There is such an astonishing amount of strangeness inside the casino that Mr. Ringling himself would doff his hat, hold it to his chest and say ‘Good job, sir, you have a circus far in surpass of my own’ and bugger off to the nearest McDonald’s.

There are normal people who come to the casino.

You might think I’m talking about the people who work there, but since I work there, I can tell you, not all of us are sane.

No, the norms who come by the casino are the ones who’re dropping off or picking up friends, family and/or relatives. They’re the ones who don’t come in. They roll through the casino parking lot at three or four miles an hour, pop open the passenger door and either kick their co-pilot out or motion frantically for the person they’ve come for to hop in; stopping practically guarantees one of the gamblers smoking in their protected areas will come out and discourse at great length on things no sane person cares about in some kind of vaguely formed half-language based on the odds of gambling.

I work there because it’s the only place I’ve found so far that gives me both the opportunity to work ridiculously hard (which is more often than you might imagine) and to catch a few z’s without running the risk of being dismissed for absolute laziness.

“The reason for the high gas prices is to force people not to travel very much and stay in their locale. Due to the fact that the Purebred Reptilian race that lives in the hollow part of the earth are trying to come to the surface. The 13 Bloodlines that rule this earth and are each given section of continents of Earth to rule over are scared of their own people the Pure Bred Reptilians who are pissed off at the 13 bloodlines failure to capture this planet for the Draco Empire. Mainly in the news mine collapses and always fires out in the California and the western area to keep people from seeing these creatures as they come to the surface. Their have also been Caves closed to the Public due to their entryway into the hollow earth area where the Purebred Reptilains been seen and their have been many battles underground by these Purebreds trying to get to the surface to take immediate control. Chemtrails are also being used to target these Purebreds genetics and eliminate them.

The 50/50 Hybrids have their own plans as opposed to the Purebred I am sure the White Wing Reptilian Royalty are pissed off as well since the earth Royal Hybrids don’t out rank these Winged ones in the Reptilian Caste system. China’s Illuminati faction recently attacked America due to the floods in the mid west as retaliation for the Attack using HAARP by the other Illuminati Faction. It seems when we have had wars in the past its been Illuminati wars and we are the pawns on their chessboard. Their is no unity within these groups. Normally the Purebred Reptilians all have a hive mentality and think like the Borg each with a designation or function deviating outside this means death. So them appearing as humans is to keep us from becoming alerted to an Alien presence on this Earth but the downside is they are having conflicts due to their mix of humanity and Reptilian genetics.

Oh another interesting note Dolphins recently have been targeted for extinction by the Illuminati factions due to the fact they are from the Andromeda Galaxy originally sent here to monitor the genetic human experiment since they know the truth and the Illuminati don’t want them communicating to Humans about their truth of humanities true origin for those that can connect to the Dolphins frequency.

By law that is the Illuminati Law you are prohibited from swimming or feeding Dolphins.
http://www.publicaffairs.noaa.gov/pr95/aug95/noaa95-r142.html an old article. They say in interacting with the Dolphins we are harming them but in reality they are benevolent beings that are willing to help Humans since most of Humanity genetics have been tampered with and most of the races come from different Alien cultures of different star systems. Most these Alien Cultures of different star systems seem in my opinion are Self Serving Ass Holes who have never learned anything about God Mind and their highest calling to serve all without worrying about what benefit it is to themselves since everything you ever wanted in life and your existence is built into that ideal of your willingness to serve without reservation the Universal Mind or God Mind but it your choice and no one can force you to make that choice. But of course when the Aliens of different star system were attacked by the Reptilians their attitude about service to all of God Minds creatures changed quite a bit so each one on an individual basis were challenged. So who am I to judge these people from other star systems who reacted according to their mind pattern and revealed what their inner nature was by this attack a test of sorts but it was allowed by God-Mind since it allows all things to manifest even if it is perceived by Humans as good or bad which is an Illusion anyway and God-Mind is just a silent observer enthralled by his thought forms that are emanating from his mind and watching them as they wander into infinite possibilities.

But most of this genetic tampering was to create a race of humans that would be successful at defeating the Reptilian Horde that was quickly marching across Earth to establish its dominion and destroy or assimilate these Races into the Draco Empire since the Reptilians were the first to colonize this planet called Earth that at one time was originally located where Planet Venus (Originally a Ice Comet (but melted when it got close to the sun to produce the gaseous cloud cover) that was use as a weapon against the Martians formerly refugees from the Lyraen Star System after it was attacked by the Reptilians) was but is Now a Reptilian Outpost confirmed by the Russians when they sent a probe down under the Venus Cloud cover to discover seven domed cities which is based on the Reptilian Caste system of seven Hierarchies although this was in the news a while back but quickly dismissed as natural formations. It was as if the Illuminati were saying to their Dumb Cattle nothing to see move on.

This is a quote from an article on the internet:
http://www.greatdreams.com/reptlan/lyrae.htm

The Reptilians who were inside the hollow comet, now Venus, came to the surface of this new world. They built seven domed cities, one for each of the seven groups in the hierarchy. In the mid-1980s one of New Yorks daily papers, Newsday, reported that a Soviet space probe penetrated the cloud layer of Venus and photographed seven white domes the size of small cities, all in a row. After a page-long diatribe, the American scientists concluded that this was all a natural formation.”

Chart idea by Zilla and Moritz