Two Shakes of a Lamb’s Tail

How come when someone says, “I’ll be there in two shakes of a lamb’s tail,” it always takes about 45 minutes? Just how big is a lamb’s tail?

The Best Children’s Song Ever. By Me.

I have absolutely no memory of any children’s song lyrics. I don’t think I ever knew (or cared) what they were when I was a child and now that I am a father, I am resorting to making up lyrics to sing to my girl. I hope I don’t screw her up too badly with my version of Hush, Little Baby:

Hush little baby, don’t smack a nerd,
Papa’s gonna buy you an odd-shaped bird.

If that odd-shaped bird don’t sing,
Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring (I remembered this part!)

If that diamond ring don’t shine,
Papa’s gonna buy you a porcupine.

If that porcupine don’t swim,
Papa’s gonna buy you a cat named Jim.

If that cat named Jim don’t fly,
Papa’s gonna buy you a marble pie.

If that marble pie don’t speak,
Papa’s gonna buy you a homeless freak… etc.

Feel free to add new lyrics for this song so it never ends.