My easily attainable 2014 New Years Resolutions

I make resolutions with the bar set really low, so I can attain them.

  1. I resolve never to purchase a Perfect Polly™ this year. Or any year.
  2. I resolve not to eat my fellow travelers if we’re stranded in the Arctic.
  3. Expanding on that last one, I resolve not to go anywhere I could possibly fall into a canyon (alone) and be forced to saw off my own hand.
  4. I resolve not to defect to a Communist nation.
  5. I resolve not to use my spit to hold my daughter’s hair in place.
  6. I resolve not to punch a Great White Shark in the face.
  7. But I do resolve to throat-punch anyone who plays What Does Fox The Say in my vicinity.
  8. I resolve not to learn Hungarian this year.
  9. I resolve not to vote for Rob Ford.

2009 New Years Resolutions

As has been the custom on this site since 1994, I am posting my New Years Resolutions. I try to make mine easily attainable so I don’t get down on myself midway through the year.

  1. I resolve not to accept a Sloppy Joe from a Maori Cannibal
  2. I resolve not to incite our distant cousins—the Langurs—into an all-out revolt against their human overlords
  3. I resolve not to invent a beer called Stupid Douchebags Enjoying Time Off With Their Relatives
  4. I resolve not to watch any shows starring Howie Mandel, Rachel Ray or Abe Vigoda
  5. I resolve not to dress and act like a Drum Major in front of potential clients
  6. I resolve not to get a Tay Zonday tattoo
  7. I resolve not to dress like my pets
  8. I resolve not to grow vestigial limbs on my body
  9. I resolve to post more often in 2009 (for reals)
  10. What are your New Years Resolutions?

2008 New Years Resolutions

Longtime readers know that the every year I post my resolutions and ask for yours. I like to make mine easily achievable. You know, aim low and finish the year having achieved all of them.

  1. I resolve not to smear jelly on the face of my enemies.
  2. I resolve not to run naked through the office when I don’t get my way. Anymore.
  3. I resolve not to commit acts of genocide. Unless an island of spammers is found, in which case it’s open season!
  4. I resolve not to run out of coffee.
  5. I resolve not to be caught whistling Dixie. Ever.
  6. I resolve to remember the Alamo.
  7. I resolve not to break into song and dance during client meetings.
  8. I resolve not to turn into a flying dolphin with heat-vision, seeking to steal the souls of those I deem unworthy to live.
  9. I resolve not to kick my own ass.
  10. What are your resolutions?
free viagra
buy viagra online
generic viagra
how does viagra work
cheap viagra
buy viagra
buy viagra online inurl
viagra 6 free samples
viagra online
viagra for women
viagra side effects
female viagra
natural viagra
online viagra
cheapest viagra prices
herbal viagra
alternative to viagra
buy generic viagra
purchase viagra online
free viagra without prescription
viagra attorneys
free viagra samples before buying
buy generic viagra cheap
viagra uk
generic viagra online
try viagra for free
generic viagra from india
fda approves viagra
free viagra sample
what is better viagra or levitra
discount generic viagra online
viagra cialis levitra
viagra dosage
viagra cheap
viagra on line
best price for viagra
free sample pack of viagra
viagra generic
viagra without prescription
discount viagra
gay viagra
mail order viagra
viagra inurl
generic viagra online paypal
generic viagra overnight
generic viagra online pharmacy
generic viagra uk
buy cheap viagra online uk
suppliers of viagra
how long does viagra last
viagra sex
generic viagra soft tabs
generic viagra 100mg
buy viagra onli
generic viagra online without prescription
viagra energy drink
cheapest uk supplier viagra
viagra cialis
generic viagra safe
viagra professional
viagra sales
viagra free trial pack
viagra lawyers
over the counter viagra
best price for generic viagra
viagra jokes
buying viagra
viagra samples
viagra sample
generic cialis
cheapest cialis
buy cialis online
buying generic cialis
cialis for order
what are the side effects of cialis
buy generic cialis
what is the generic name for cialis
cheap cialis
cialis online
buy cialis
cialis side effects
how long does cialis last
cialis forum
cialis lawyer ohio
cialis attorneys
cialis attorney columbus
cialis injury lawyer ohio
cialis injury attorney ohio
cialis injury lawyer columbus
prices cialis
cialis lawyers
viagra cialis levitra
cialis lawyer columbus
online generic cialis
daily cialis
cialis injury attorney columbus
cialis attorney ohio
cialis cost
cialis professional
cialis super active
how does cialis work
what does cialis look like
cialis drug
viagra cialis
cialis to buy new zealand
cialis without prescription
free cialis
cialis soft tabs
discount cialis
cialis generic
generic cialis from india
cheap cialis sale online
cialis daily
cialis reviews
cialis generico
how can i take cialis
cheap cialis si
cialis vs viagra
generic levitra
levitra attorneys
what is better viagra or levitra
viagra cialis levitra
levitra side effects
buy levitra
levitra online
levitra dangers
how does levitra work
levitra lawyers
what is the difference between levitra and viagra
levitra versus viagra
which works better viagra or levitra
buy levitra and overnight shipping
levitra vs viagra
canidan pharmacies levitra
how long does levitra last
viagra cialis levitra
levitra acheter
comprare levitra
levitra ohne rezept
levitra 20mg
levitra senza ricetta
cheapest generic levitra
levitra compra
cheap levitra
levitra overnight
levitra generika
levitra kaufen