Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

I’ve decided to ask a question every Friday this year. We’re starting out with a two-part question. Try to keep up.

Guns or bacon and why?

1. Bullets from heroes kill with one shot and in less than a second. Bullets from criminals maim, but if they do kill, it takes longer.
2. Virginity protects you from serial killers.
3. It only takes two people to turn a two ton fallen tree into a massive booby trap that operates by pulling a tiny wooden shim.
4. Heroes’ handguns fire 70 shots and never miss. Criminals’ handguns fire six shots of questionable accuracy. They also ricochet more often than heroes.
5. Heroes simply bleed less than criminals, who tend to bleed in arterial spray patterns resembling a Jackson Pollock painting.
6. The first hot woman to appear onscreen in any spy movie is the double agent.
7. All cars will explode into fireballs when rolling over a cliff or hill. It’s simple physics.
8. Spaceships make lots of noise, despite the vacuum of space.
9. Heat-seeking missiles turn on a dime. They’re more nimble in the air than a Ruby-Throated Hummingbird.
10. What have you learned from movies?