Davezilla

Clean humor, filthy comments

Fuck the Detroit News

Detroit News? Time to train your telemarketers some manners

At least one of the telemarketers, excuse me, consumer solutions experts that works for the Detroit News is a rude asshole. SOME BACKGROUND In June, a kid came by selling short-term (60-day) subscriptions that would help him through college. We decided to help him out and paid him by check so that the paper would end after two months. It didn’t. They kept sending it and we let it pile up. I finally called them and had one of the rudest, most condescending conversations ever. She told me that subscriptions automatically renew without the need for me to approve them. I told her that I specifically paid by check because …..

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I will take up two parking spaces. Deal with it.

I will take up two parking spaces. Deal with it.

This post originally appeared on Medium Thoughts on parking etiquette from an utter douchebag. Fellow Driver, I know I took up two parking spaces leaving you circling the lot like a Perrigine Falcon whose prey has mysteriously escaped. I know you’re probably cursing my name and wishing it was legal to ram my Hummer H2 with the “Take Back America—Tea Party 2012” bumper sticker, but you won’t. I’m counting on it. Why? Because unlike myself, you possess manners—a social skill I am blissfully unaware of. You see, I am what is referred to in the vernacular as a douchebag and that moniker comes with responsibility and a certain sense of …..

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More People We Can Safely Dislike, #8

Jodi Arias supporters Twilight fans. Fuck all of you. Vampires don’t sparkle. People who change their profile photo to reflect the latest meme, social cause or trend with no clue why other than their friends are all doing it, too. [DISCLAIMER: This one is probably only a Michigan thing] Drivers who get into the Michigan turn lane diagonally, thus taking up both lanes and refuse to pull out into traffic, even after a vicious, sustained honk. While, not a person, Punxsutawney Phil, who needs to be made into a rug. That useless, pus-bag has never predicted spring correctly. Ever. And don’t correct me in the comments. He sucks. If I …..

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