Annual Thanksgiving Day List

Longtime readers know that every year I write a list on Thanksgiving of what I am thankful for. This year is no exception. Please let everyone know what you are thankful for in the comments.

I am thankful that…

  1. …Sarah Palin is back to being America’s prettiest moose hunter.
  2. …cats cannot manipulate Plutonium.
  3. …unlike killer bees, poutine has not managed to cross the border into the US.
  4. …Uggs are not mandatory school uniform wear. Nor are Crocs.
  5. …Paris Hilton has disappeared from the media spotlight.
  6. …icebergs cannot fly.
  7. …mullets are popular again. Just for the comedic value I require.
  8. …people still don’t “get” Twitter, cause I’ll have a job as long as they don’t.
  9. …my parents don’t text me in LOLCATSPEEK
  10. …we do not serve balut for Thanksgiving.

Sex on a Hot Tin Roof

I used to have a cat named Sex. I didn’t name it. My roommate Chris H. had the honors. He was inspired by a mutual friend, Kevin F. who had cats named Gravity and Reality. Chris’ rationale was it would be hilarious to yell “SEEEEEEEEX! Here Sex! Come on, pussy,” across the neighborhood. Consequently we found other amusing things about that name.

  1. “Don’t be afraid of Sex, unless she bites or scratches.”
  2. “Hey. Sex is waiting for you, outside that door. Right now.”
  3. “You hurt Sex!”
  4. “Haven’t you been paying any attention to Sex?”
  5. “Is Sex all you think about?”
  6. “How much does Sex weigh?”
  7. “I keep playing with Sex, but she just lays there.”
  8. “I saw Sex running through the house.”
  9. “There’s Sex on the walls.”
  10. “Sex was messy.”
  11. “Wow, there’s Sex toys everywhere.”
  12. “Sex is fast. She was here for only a minute.”
  13. “We got Sex from the Humane Society.”
  14. “Are you interesting in buying Sex?”
  15. “I am not playing with Sex until that poor pussy has had a trim.”
  16. “Having Sex really helps with our mouse infestation.”
  17. “I woke up early, looking for Sex all over the house.”
  18. “You want Sex? Try the litterbox.”
  19. “Don’t open that door! Sex will run away and never come back!”
  20. What would you have yelled to a cat named Sex?

Hey. We were 18.

I shit you not

I travel for work a lot and my kittens have not been too happy about it. Last night, I figured I would make it up to them. I gave them catnip, brushed them, played with them for nearly two hours and told them they could sleep on the bed with me. The older one (Z) was clearly happy with this arrangement. Ninja, however, was wound up and hyperactive.

All night he ran around, knocking over anything that wasn’t nailed down. So I locked him out of my bedroom. For the entire night. He wasn’t too happy about that. You should know that the litter boxes are kept in the Florida room, and the only access to that room is through my now-locked bedroom.

You should also know, like many kittens, Ninja enjoys unrolling toilet paper. So after a night of being a terror, it was no surprise to see the current (entire) roll on the floor. An eagle’s aerie lined with double-ply absorbency. My other kitten Z, began sniffing at the nest cautiously. I lifted up some of the toilet paper and found Ninja had pooped on the toilet paper and “buried it” with more toilet paper. Such a smart little boy.

LULZTWF!

WAIT I WILL HELPS YOU TYEP

WAIT I WILL HELPS YOU TYEP

This picture, which originally appeared on I CAN HAS CHEEZEBURGER?, is now in the book of the same name! Go me Jade. Just got my copy in the mail today. Jade thinks it is a work of great historical importance. She may be right.