Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

Bartender: “So what did you two do last night?”
Waitress #1: “We had some sangrinas. They were so good.”
Bartender: “I’ve heard of those. They’re like margaritas, right?”
Waitress #2: “No, they’re a wine thing with like fruits and shit.”
Bartender: “Oh, that’s sound good! What kind of wine is it?”
Waitress #2: “Dark wine.”
Waitress #1: “Yeah, dark wine. I dunno, Chardonnay or something.”

I swear, I lost 10 IQ points listening to that.

• Link of the Day: Kobe Beef iPod cover, link via Lizz
• Video of the Day: Ball Ownage [Safe for Work] This is a bigger craze than you think. I found over 30 videos of people throwing exercise balls at the unsuspecting.

1. While your partner is brushing their teeth
2. In the middle of a funeral
3. Mid-hurricane
4. While juggling flaming hatchets
5. During a tightrope walkover the Grand Canyon
6. While being hunted down by cannibal clowns
7. After divorcing them
8. During a zombie outbreak
9. While shark baiting underwater
10. When do you think would be an inappropriate time to initiate sex?

• Link of the Day: Penis Restaurant, link via Jason Macemore
• Video of the Day: Talking Goat. I was crying from laughing so hard from this. It's hilarious! Link via Chris Moritz

• Link of the Day: 10 Works of Art to Make When You're Bored Out of Your Mind, link via Michelle
• Video of the Day: Worst Rap Battle Ever

1. Psychically melt the brains of the person(s) responsible for the meeting.
2. Switch the agenda for one written in Pig Latin.
3. Stare intently at the speaker’s face as if they have a monstrous zit on their cheek.
4. Give the “your zipper is down” signal to the speaker numerous times during the meeting.
5. Scream at the top of your lungs that you, “just had the worst nightmare that I was in this horrible meeting…”
6. Perform a striptease. Request unusual music.
7. Inquire where this “box” is that everyone is thinking outside of, cause you sure haven’t seen one lying around the office.”
8. If there is a window view, bolt from your chair, dive under the table and yell, “Incoming!” This works especially well if there are any war veterans in the room.
9. Open a jar of spiders on the table.
10. What would youdo during a boring meeting?

• Link of the Day: "Missing, the Brazilian priest who floated off under hundreds of helium party balloons"
• Video of the Day: Oh, Ghod no, link via Casey

So I had this idea for a prank on a certain corporation recently. Download and print out this parody PDF. I think you’ll understand what you need to do. If not, discuss in the comments.

• Link of the Day: Speech Bubbler, link via Phillip
• Video of the Day: The Onion: 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film