Guide to Artists’ Models No. 4: The Closet Pervert

The Closet Pervert

Nude Model: The Closet Pervert

Possibly the ugliest known human (certainly the ugliest person I’ve ever drawn) is the Closet Pervert. At only thirty-three, he looks closer to ninety-seven, owing to chronic masturbation which has sucked away his life force. With his greying locks, he resembles one of the Founding Fathers, but as no woman in her right mind would sleep with this panty-sniffing letch, he hasn’t fathered a thing.

During art class, the Pervert’s eyes never stand still. They are constantly looking under easels to see what color underwear the women are wearing. A bead of sweat forms on his brow if he spies some cotton and shortly after, he salutes the class with his miniscule wood and begins furiously stroking, unaware that the entire class is now vomiting.

Shortly after the trial, he changes his name and moves to another county.


  • “Can the women all see me? Maybe they should move to the front row.”
  • “I lost a testicle once, while … watching a movie.”
  • “I wasn’t touching it; I-I-I had an itch!”
  • “Are you wearing a thong?”
  • “You can’t throw me out! I didn’t finish.”
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    • Sarah

      OMG that link….I swear she called him “you little…pause….you little turkey”

    • Da Popster

      EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Would sand papering my eyeballs work to rid me of that image ? :-?

    • jktw

      NSFW? That’s NSFA! (Not safe for Anywhere!)

    • Christall

      The sad thing about that pic is that he actually looks like the kind of guys that live in my neck of the woods and thats sooooo scarey because they all look like perv’s here.

      if i had a music button to push readers would be listening to the theme song for DELIVERANCE and we would be floating in a canoe.

    • Mandy

      We better see a nice :wang: tomorrow, Dave.

    • http://babybetty baby betty

      :hurl::hurl::hurl:thats the man that used to ask me if i wanted some candy when i would walk by his house after school