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When we describe ourselves as being, “Super athletic.”
You hear, “Flexes in front of the mirror. Every. Damn. Day.”

When we describe ourselves as, “A big guy.”
You hear, “A big, fat guy.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “Quick-witted.”
You hear, “Lies quickly.”

When we describe ourselves as, “A traveler.”
You hear, “Cheats on the road.”

When we describe ourselves as, “A seasoned traveler.”
You hear, “Strippers across the country know him by name.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “In a band.”
You hear, “Cheats on the road, while high.”

When we describe ourselves as, “A burger and beer kind of guy.”
You hear, “Frequents Hooters.”

When we describe ourselves as, having “Refined tastes.”
You hear, “Disturbing fetishes.”

When we describe ourselves as, “A skirt chaser.”
You hear, “Upskirt camera perv.”

When we describe ourselves as, “A professional photographer.”
You hear, “About to ask if I’ve ever posed nude in T-minus 3… 2… 1.”

When we describe ourselves as, “A picky eater.”
You hear, “Gay.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “Powerful.”
You hear, “Jealous. Dangerously so.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “Relentless” or, “Tenacious.”
You hear, “Restraining order.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “Studious.”
You hear, “Digs nerdy chicks.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “A comic book nerd.”
You hear, “Prefers animé girls to real ones.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “Addicted to video games.”
You hear, “Prefers animated girls to real ones.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “Very religious.”
You hear, “Future cult leader.”

When we describe ourselves as, “Non-chalant.”
You hear, “Gay.”

When we describe ourselves as being, “A loner.”
You hear, “I stockpile weapons and live in a cabin.”

When we describe ourselves as enjoying, “Simple pleasures.”
You hear, “Chronic masturbator.”

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