Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

Me: “May I have a cup of corn chowder with that?”
Waitress: “We don’t have the chowder today. We have Chili and Gumbolaya.”
Me: “Gumbo-laya? Did you mean Gumbo or Jambalaya?”
Waitress: “Yes, Gumbolaya.” [Lizz stares across the table at me, wide-eyed]
Me: “OK, I’ll try some, if only to see what it is.”
[Waitress brings a cup of what is clearly just gumbo.]
Waitress: “How’s that Gumbolaya tasting?”
Me: “A lot like gumbo.”

(Based on yesterday’s post…)

1. Bullets from heroes kill with one shot and in less than a second. Bullets from criminals maim, but if they do kill, it takes longer.
2. Virginity protects you from serial killers.
3. It only takes two people to turn a two ton fallen tree into a massive booby trap that operates by pulling a tiny wooden shim.
4. Heroes’ handguns fire 70 shots and never miss. Criminals’ handguns fire six shots of questionable accuracy. They also ricochet more often than heroes.
5. Heroes simply bleed less than criminals, who tend to bleed in arterial spray patterns resembling a Jackson Pollock painting.
6. The first hot woman to appear onscreen in any spy movie is the double agent.
7. All cars will explode into fireballs when rolling over a cliff or hill. It’s simple physics.
8. Spaceships make lots of noise, despite the vacuum of space.
9. Heat-seeking missiles turn on a dime. They’re more nimble in the air than a Ruby-Throated Hummingbird.
10. What have you learned from movies?

OK, dear readers. I am putting together a list and want your help. The few thousand of you who loyally read this site should have enough collective experience to make this happen. I’ve been fascinated by how each car and truck that has a cult-ish following has a nickname made up for it that all the owners know. For example, you all know Corvettes are called Vettes and Mini Coopers are called Minis or Coops, but did you know Ferraris are called Pony Cars? Subarus are called Scubbys? GTOs are Goats?

So that’s what I’m making a list of and if you know of any, add it to the comments so I can have the definitive list which I will make freely available to everyone once it’s done.

1. Chevy Cobalt: Balt or C-Balt
2. Pontiac GTO: Goat
3. Porsche: P-Car
4. Ferrari: Pony Car
5. Subaru: Scubby
6. Mini Cooper: Mini or Coop
7. Please add any you know in the comments. Thanks!