Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

1. Whenever magic is being performed for the first time, black clouds instantly roll in.
2. If a cop or some para-military soldier pokes at his own eyes, then forwards twice in the air, trouble is coming.
3. Giants and large dinosaurs move in slow motion. Small dinosaurs move with lightning speed.
4. In real life, putting up your open palm signals someone to stop. In the movies, this is how Native Americans greet each other.
5. In real life, putting up your closed fist means Black Power. In the movies, this is how Ninjas signal each other to stop.
6. Women have always worn thongs, even in the Renaissance.
7. The first time a werewolf transforms, it will take up an entire chapter on a DVD and involve painful screaming. Subsequent transformations take only seconds and are painless.
8. If a sea monster is large enough to eat your ship, it will.
9. Giant snakes will feed 6-10 times a day, every day, rather than resting a month between meals.
10. All Eastern European grandfathers hunted witches. All Eastern European grandmothers are witches.

(Based on yesterday’s post…)

Crossing the casino floor (I’m legally prevented from saying which one by a NDA so profound I can’t even comment if it’s on this planet, let alone something as simple as it’s name) is like wandering through a menagerie of Darwinism (indeed, and participants in the Darwin Awards). Though the dude sucking back the eighteen pound hamburger pictured above has never hopped on his electrified fat-mobile and zoomed through the double-wide front doors to drop a few bucks before eating himself into a grease-coma, more than a few of our ‘guests’ (we don’t call them customers because apparently they feel better about being fist-fucked over impossible odds than if we called them ‘marks’, ’shills’ and ‘rubes’) are surely competing with him for the last chicken-fried french fry.

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