Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

In the interest of job preservation, I have never blogged about work. I’m going to tonight, but I am not pulling a Dooce. This is just something odd that happened today.

My fiancée and I both work at the same agency, but on different floors. I went up after work to see what time she was leaving since it was well after 5:00. The janitor was curled up in a chair, moaning slowly like, “Ohhhhhhhhh, Ughhhhhhhhh…” as if in extreme pain. I walked over and tapped her on the shoulder.
Me: “Miss, are you, OK?”
Janitor: “Dammit! Can’t you see I’m on the PHONE!”

I mean, what do you say to that?

C.C.: [Points out car window] “Oh look! An eagle! OMG, it’s totally an eagle!”
Me: “Um, that’s not an eagle. That’s just a crow with a piece of bread in its mouth.”
C.C.: “Uh, huh. You’re right. OK. This does not leave this car.”
Me: “The hell it doesn’t.”
T.T.: “And to think, we get to see it eating its natural prey—bread.”
C.C.: “All right. Enough.”
Me: “You know, eagles developed their keen vision so they could spot wild herds of bread from a mile in the air. Then they swoop down and snatch one before it escapes.”
C.C.: “Enough!”
T.T.: “Bread can be quite wily, I hear.”
Me: “Indeed. Very wily.”
C.C.: “Fuckers.”