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January 29, 2002 :: "Please don’t feed my monkey"

Not long ago I had dinner at a new restaurant that touted itself as “Pan Asian Cuisine.” This I took to mean “Let’s jump on every current Eastern culinary trend without regard for a unique cultural experience,” but I gave it a try.

The sushi was an unappealing mixture of cracked lard and old Play-Doh over rice; the edamame might as well have been salted milkweed.

What really got me was the décor. This was in one of those buildings that changes restaurants every three months. Despite a great location, nothing seems to last here. Bad Feng Shui? You decide...

The new owners were apparently quite happy to keep the interior exactly as the previous restaurateurs had left it; a run-down Greek Coney Island. This meant checkerboard tiles, cheap Tiffany knockoff lamps and a bar that was mirrored floor to ceiling.

The highlight for me, was the bathroom. A mural had been planned by the wily Greeks. It was never completed. I imagine that the artist may have quoted more than they were willing to shell out. A compromise may have been in order.

“What can we get for $150?”
“I tell a you $1,500 for this job.”
“Yeah, right... But we ain’t spending that much on a toilet mural. Can’t ya just ... leave something out?”
“Sure, sure Nicky. For $150 I paint a you some a lovely monkeys. Nothing more.”

There, in a dull, grey bathroom were two well-rendered images of Italian circus monkeys, complete with crimson vests and tiny bellhop caps. Did I mention they were eating apples? Cause really, what better way is there to say sanitary restroom, than a monkey eating off a urinal?

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He said. She said. There’s 12 Comments

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I just hope that when they bite in, it is in fact the apples.
Alp :: 29 January, 2002 03:25 AM

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maybe it was thier way of subconciously making you stare at the monkeys apples instead of your neighbors apples =)
Larfus :: 29 January, 2002 06:47 AM

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Sounds like an, erm, adventure. Have you read "Kitchen Confidential"? It's quite hilarious, think it's one you'd find quite amusing.
skarlet :: 29 January, 2002 08:24 AM

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apples, shmapples.
theyre eating hamster balls
me :: 29 January, 2002 08:47 AM

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Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey...
leslier :: 29 January, 2002 11:28 AM

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The last thing I need to see when I go to the bathroom and whip it out is two salivating monkeys biting into a hard fruit.
Alp :: 29 January, 2002 01:32 PM

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I think the monkey is the traditional representation of the Italian gods of the lavatory. So the story goes, the monkey was created as a sort of bathroom attendant of yore, and its initial function was to throw rose petals at people as they existed the facilities. Of course, it didn't quite work out that way, and nowadays monkeys are mainly used as parking lot attendants.
jima :: 29 January, 2002 04:21 PM

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I seem to remember somewhere in Spain urinals with what looked like small black flies embedded in the porcelain. The idea was that this way even drunk men would focus on trying to cruelly hose a fly down the drain instead of pissing on their shoes.
D :: 29 January, 2002 05:04 PM

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Ever notice that the #1 sign of a bad restaurant is that they don't bother to change the decor from the previous tenants'? I mean, with that kind of attention to detail, you've gotta wonder how much care they put into their cuisine.
AB :: 29 January, 2002 07:12 PM

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Not much. That was by far the most disappointing sushi I’ve ever had.
Davezilla :: 29 January, 2002 07:14 PM

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I'm glad you tried it first. It's about 2 blocks from my apartment. I've lived there for almost 2 years and I never went in to it when it was a Greek place either. There's something, ickey about it ...
Mike :: 29 January, 2002 07:15 PM

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And here all I could think of was that Saturday Night Live skit ... "Pet my monkey... please pet my monkey!" Seriously. First thing I thought of when you mentioned the monkeys.
Christine :: 30 January, 2002 08:26 PM

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