davezilla.com > current: December 20, 2001: "You are noramly funny but today you arte not. Why?"

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December 20, 2001 :: "You are noramly funny but today you arte not. Why?"

I’ve always felt that the quality of a post could be judged by the amount of controversy it generates. Yesterday’s story set a new record for me. Twenty-two angry emails. It’s interesting that I am listed on several Christian blogs as I have the words fucked and porn prominently displayed in the masthead. I also prefaced yesterday’s post with a warning about adult content. Yet nearly two dozen people felt it necessary to voice their outrage at being shocked by the content.

And you’re back for more today aren’t you? Suckers.

I thought today I’d share my favorite excerpts from yesterday’s email bag. Spelling and grammar are faithful to the originals. No names will be given, so please don’t ask me who to harass. Enjoy!

“I am certain that if you were raised by loving parents who knew the Lord you would never have been led down that terrible path that made you want to view such filth.”
[My parents are actually right-wing Baptists.]
“there are some things you should never ridicule dave. a women's body is one such of those things.”
[Just men’s bodies right? Those are still fair game I assume?]
“What other degrading stories will you pollute your site with Davezilla? Prostituion? Drug-asbuse? Homosexual liasons? Liberal democrat fucks like you make me sick.”
[Easy killer. I’m Libertarian.]
“You are noramly funny but today you arte not. Why?”
[Must be the unloving parents, the drug-asbuse and the prostituion.]
“... and I am Praying for your Soul Mr. Zilla. You Cannot be Satan's Agent though he may tempt you to Do So.”
[For the 100th time, Zilla is not my last name. And what’s up with the psychotic capitalization?]
“So you went to a strip bar. BIg fucking deal. Now you're all upset about it? Get over it. Keee-rist you are such a pussy.”
[You are what you eat pal.]
“Thank you for ruining my morning scumbag. Consider yourself off my links bar. FOREVER!”
[It’s that forever that really cuts deep. I thought I had a chance...]

He said. She said. There’s 27 Comments

So I open up today's Post and whattayaknow?

Page 6 reads: Pope proclaims, "Davezilla is God."

Just wanted to say that the filthy anecdote and crazy emails were equally amusing. Keep up the good work.
Uncle Franklin :: 20 December, 2001 11:14 AM

*sigh* While I could go on and on here about the Christian Repubicans who find your site perfectly hilarious and visit multiple times a day, I'll just say that I'm jealous. No one ever sends me hate mail. *sniffle*
hilary :: 20 December, 2001 11:23 AM

Hilary darling, generating hatemail is a simple formula:
1) Mention porn once a month.
2) Make fun of one of the following every week: Jakob Nielsen, Metafilter, Kottke, Windows users, Mac users, LINUX.
3) Express a disdain for popular memes.
4) Use unusual word combinations so that Google is your bitch.
That’s it!
Davezilla :: 20 December, 2001 11:36 AM

Personally, as a Christian, I would like to see more booby-bar and Bibleman stories. I won't write about them myself, but knowing that other people have fun fills me with righteous indignation which works as my replacement for real joy. Knowing I'm better than you makes my miserable existance totally worth it.
Kevin :: 20 December, 2001 11:45 AM

Not sure what a "Christian blog" is but you're in my links and you'll stay there. Maybe it's because I'm Canadian or something. Christian, too. Bibleman is frightening!
James :: 20 December, 2001 11:55 AM

reading your flame-mail excerpts, all i can think is "those people probably vote."

eek.
elise :: 20 December, 2001 12:05 PM

wow. this makes me strangely proud to be a very-lapsed, stranger-freaking, heavy-drinking catholic on the east coast.
jen :: 20 December, 2001 12:11 PM

Touché! Hatemail is a sure sign of popularity.
Ok, hi Dave. I don't know you from Adam, but I am one of your die hard regular readers & I totally love your site. Your writing is extremely interesting, & your sense of humour is exceptionally good. You have a razor sharp wit & a quick tongue; & if some people have a problem with it... tough.
Wild horses can't stop me from reading your site. (Slow net connectivity *can*, but that's another story). Anyway, after having babbled enough, let me just say: You rock! ;o)
Minnie :: 20 December, 2001 12:34 PM

Those people probably wanted pictures to go with the story ;)

If a woman is going to earn her living by stripping and shooting ping pong balls out of her vagina then I'm pretty sure she's past the point of caring if somebody is going to tell a story about getting hit on the noggin by one of her special love bombs. But then I'm a heathen so I probably don't know much ;)
maggie :: 20 December, 2001 01:10 PM

you know...i will admit i thought the lactating thing was gross. but jeez..as an adult, i can handle reading someone else's account of this without falling out of my chair and hitting my head on some hard object, thus forcing me to email you flames!! WHAT is WITH people???
jen :: 20 December, 2001 01:19 PM

You know what really offends me? People who can't spell, but send complaint letters. Don't they know that if we don't use proper spelling, the terrorists have already won?
jima :: 20 December, 2001 01:22 PM

I here you'r pane Jima.
Davezilla :: 20 December, 2001 01:31 PM

Well, we love ya, Dave. Keep it going!
leslier :: 20 December, 2001 01:50 PM

Think you get boobie milk sprayed on you in Russia? Hell No! Viva Norte Americano!
Matt :: 20 December, 2001 02:03 PM

Don't these people realize that hatemail is a sign of success? I'm with Hilary on this one... I wish my blog could generate hate mail.

Maybe someday, my life will be sufficiently offensive that I can piss all sorts of righteous people off by telling them about it.

Light a candle for me (lighting a bag of shit on someone's doorstep will do just as well).
Dave :: 20 December, 2001 03:23 PM

Oh man, you get the best e-mail! Personally, I didn't think that story was offensive, it was just...different. And Jima's comment about spelling made me laugh out loud. (So did the letters, but that's a given.)
Natalie :: 20 December, 2001 05:30 PM

Ah well. Nothing like a good "strip-club-coming-of-age" story to warm the ol' cockles of the heart and get the blood boiling.

Doesn't anyone KNOW that the disturbing strip club experience is a Canadian teenaged tradition? Geez...
Neil :: 20 December, 2001 06:46 PM

Er, Davezilla is a personal web site, isn't it? I think that says it all.
andrea :: 20 December, 2001 08:22 PM

Damn, that is some great email. The only email I get inevitably starts out "Dear Mr. C (or Mr. Gao): Nice site! Are you in debt? Are you tired of paying your bills? Do you like naughty girls?...."

I'm jealous.
TC :: 20 December, 2001 10:56 PM

i was only offended by one thing in Mr. Zilla's annecdote -- that he implied that all Canadians are drunken slobs doing nothing better but hanging out in strip bars and watching obscene acts.

i for one, won't be back.

BTW, did you keep the ping pong ball?
tbit :: 20 December, 2001 11:11 PM

I never implied that Canadians are drunken slobs that do nothing but hang out in strip bars.
I said it outright.
Davezilla :: 20 December, 2001 11:49 PM

As a sexually repressed Catholic who's had forrays into kissing porn actresses and getting lap dances, I say to you, Mr. "zilla" (puah ha ha ha) "Good show" as always. You rock my world so hard that my ears ring.
Min Jung :: 21 December, 2001 02:36 AM

So I guess your ESRB Rating went from "Teen" to "Mature" huh?
Jason :: 21 December, 2001 08:39 AM

I think it went from IMMATURE to ANNOYING AS HELL.
Davezilla :: 21 December, 2001 10:39 AM

i'm taking notes furiously here... porn, check. make fun of various geeky insitutions, check. unusual word combinations, check.

i'm going to work much harder to get myself some hate mail. i'm missing out on a great source of amusement...
kd :: 21 December, 2001 01:11 PM

Almost forgot KD. You need to register under the search engines in the WRONG category for extra fun! Freak Watchers Textbook is registered under medical supplies, Detroit Entertainment guides and juice machines.
Davezilla :: 21 December, 2001 04:11 PM

"Watch out for the ping ping ball!"

"What... gulp"
ratstink :: 21 December, 2001 10:00 PM

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