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August 23, 2001 :: "Lengths"
The preferred scale is one through ten, with ten being the longest. A side note: Adding the word “fucking” will increase the amount by three-fold. I.E., “Fucking enormous” is three times larger than “enormous”.
- Jumbo As this includes shrimp and prawns, jumbo is really only about 4-8'.
- Armslength Quite a span here. Whose arm becomes the standard? I can touch an 8' ceiling without standing on my toes. I propose we ask People Magazine to do a “50 Most Beautiful Celebrity Armlengths” poll and let the populace decide. It’s only fair.
- King Size A king-sized bed should be the standard. We’ve all uh, slept on one at one time or another.
- Car length The Saab 9-5. No arguments.
- Size of a whale Can’t forget the lowly Narwals and humble Belugas which tip the curve downward. About 15' give or take.
- Size of a house Manufactured homes [i.e., Tornado Magnets] are immediately disqualified. Sod-roof homes are beautiful but rather uncommon in the U.S. I propose the the length of a house be based on the American 3-bedroom ranch. Any objections?
- Big Honkin’ Jeffrey’s Zeldman’s weekly email pile, if printed out and stacked.
- Jurassic I believe Steven Spielberg and Michael Crichton are to blame for changing what was once a measurement of time, into a measurement of size. Jurassic can include dinosaurs, trees, Kenny Roger’s ass and Gary Condit’s black book.
- Enormous Bill Gate’s walk-in closet, which I believe requires a tour guide with a GPS to navigate through.
- Humungous Planets. Don’t you watch the Sci Fi channel? S'OK. I don’t either.
He said. She said. There’s 1 Comment
Shouldn't that be the Discovery channel?
By Jon :: August 23, 2001 01:41 PM EST
