davezilla.com > current: July 11, 2001: "Now that I’m an A-Lister I can write stuff like this:"

last "The one test I wanted to fail" :: Current :: next "Foods I won’t eat"

July 11, 2001 :: "Now that I’m an A-Lister I can write stuff like this:"

[See yesterday’s post] As I was walking home about a year ago, a little girl was riding her bike in the middle of the street. She still had the training wheels on as she wobbled and struggled to peddle. It reminded me of when I was little and how badly I wanted a bicycle but couldn’t get one. My parents wouldn’t let me have a bike until I was 12; my mom was too afraid I’d hurt myself. I’d pass the bike section in the store and just look, having given up asking my parents about it long ago. I never did get one, even after much pleading and begging.

So after watching that little girl with envy, I ran her down with my Hummer.
[with apologies to Mr. Kottke]

He said. She said. There’s 14 Comments

Hee hee you bastard! You're too funny. By Amy Allen :: July 11, 2001 06:31 PM EST

I sincerely hope no one actually thinks I am serious on this one. By Davezilla :: July 11, 2001 07:30 PM EST

Dave, somebody out there will think you're serious which will just make me laugh more. Cause that's just the kind of gal I am. Or something. By dave :: July 11, 2001 08:13 PM EST

I didn't know you drove a hummer. By Leia :: July 11, 2001 08:36 PM EST

oh leia, dave drives the hummer fast, a bargain hard and women to distraction. hehe. By denise :: July 11, 2001 09:04 PM EST

Hey Dave how many points was she worth?, And did you back up and make sure the job was done right? By J_dogg43 :: July 11, 2001 09:36 PM EST

Denise you know me too well. She was worth 23 points J Dogg. And yes, flat as a pancake By Davezilla :: July 11, 2001 10:18 PM EST

now let me get this straight...

There was a girl, she was riding something, you had some kind of envy, and there was a hummer involved???

You're a sick bastard. By joe :: July 12, 2001 03:13 AM EST

Thanks Joe! I do my best. By Davezilla :: July 12, 2001 10:41 AM EST

That's just what that story needed—a surprise ending. By timo :: July 12, 2001 11:08 AM EST

Carmmageddon taught me that when approaching a crosswalk full of people, it is best to pull up on the emergency brake to get as many as possible in one sweep. that is how I would have ended the story. its all about the malice. By jocelyn :: July 12, 2001 11:15 AM EST

Too bad she wasn't carrying a six-pack and a pizza; would have been at least a hundred more points. Damn. By Miriam :: July 12, 2001 11:33 AM EST

Thanks Jocelyn & Miriam. I’ll keep those handy tips ready for next year when I rerun the story ;^p By Davezilla :: July 12, 2001 05:48 PM EST

oh gawd..it figures. i'm average. i've always wanted to be super-human. my mother was right! arrrrrrrrrrrgggggh.... By brandy :: July 13, 2001 01:33 AM EST