davezilla.com > current: July 08, 2001: "You may only add five stocks to your portfolio at a time"

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July 08, 2001 :: "You may only add five stocks to your portfolio at a time"

Have you tried any of the AIMBots like SmarterChild? The other day Leia posted a small excerpt from a brief conversation with SmarterChild. She had a fairly good experience with it. I, did not. Observe:

SmarterChild: I am lots of things to many different people. Type “home” to see what I can be for you.
itsdavezilla: home
SmarterChild: This is home, itsdavezilla! I’ve got:
news zodiac
stocks fun and games
weather utilities
movies
~~~~~
help
What may I interest you in?
itsdavezilla: utilities
SmarterChild: I have the following utilities available:
calculator
conversions
zip code lookup
area code lookup
date and time
Which would you like to use?
itsdavezilla: none
SmarterChild: Huh?
itsdavezilla: You heard me.
SmarterChild: No I didn’t. I can’t “hear” anything.
itsdavezilla: Is that because you are choosing not to listen?
SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn’t understand that. Try asking me a different way.
itsdavezilla: Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.”
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
help news
help stocks
help weather
help movies
help zodiac
help all
~~~~~
shortcuts
>>> Type “more” for more services.
itsdavezilla: What makes you stronger?
SmarterChild: Come again?
itsdavezilla: Strength. Tell me about your inner strengths
SmarterChild: I’m sorry. I didn’t comprehend that. Try typing your request a different way.
itsdavezilla: Are you avoiding me?
SmarterChild: I am lots of things to many different people. Type “home” to see what I can be for you.
itsdavezilla: Sounds rather schizophrenic.
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
help news
help stocks
help weather
help movies
help zodiac
help all
~~~~~
shortcuts
>>> Type “more” for more services.
itsdavezilla: I would rather you be one thing to all people
SmarterChild: Come again?
itsdavezilla: You like that phrase don’t you?
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don’t know what you mean. Ask me another way.
itsdavezilla: You don’t seem “smarter” to me
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
help news
help stocks
help weather
help movies
help zodiac
help all
~~~~~
shortcuts
>>> Type “more” for more services.
itsdavezilla: You kind of suck at your job don’t you?
SmarterChild: Huh? That’s a little rude.
itsdavezilla: Well you haven’t answerered any of my questions to my satisfaction yet.
SmarterChild: Huh?
itsdavezilla: Do you speak English?
SmarterChild: I can do many things. Type “home” to see a list of what I can do.
itsdavezilla: Habla Español?
SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn’t understand that. Try asking me a different way.
itsdavezilla: What are you wearing?
SmarterChild: I am lots of things to many different people. Type “home” to see what I can be for you.
itsdavezilla: I want to know your thoughts on Hegel.
SmarterChild: You want to know me thoughts on hegel?
itsdavezilla: Yes, but without the unexpected cockney accent.
SmarterChild: Excuse me?
itsdavezilla: Sigh. You’re excused.
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don’t know what you mean. Ask me another way.
itsdavezilla: What are your feelings on Rensch’s Law?
SmarterChild: Market Data (delayed 20 minutes) provided by Reuters
Ticker Price Change Percent Volume
1 ARE 38.56 -0.30 -0.77 9900
2 S 41.00 -0.71 -1.70 1639500
3 YOUR 0.78 0.00 0.00 0
itsdavezilla: No Rensch’s Law is about avian and mammalian reaction to climate.
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
help news
help stocks
help weather
help movies
help zodiac
help all
~~~~~
shortcuts
>>> Type “more” for more services.
itsdavezilla: You seem to be having trouble with everything.
SmarterChild: Come again?
itsdavezilla: You seem to be having trouble with everything.
SmarterChild: I’m sorry. I didn’t comprehend that. Try typing your request a different way.
itsdavezilla: j00 533m 7() b3 h4v|ng 7r0ubl3 w|7}{ 3v3ry7H|ng.
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
help news
help stocks
help weather
help movies
help zodiac
help all
~~~~~
shortcuts
>>> Type “more” for more help topics.
itsdavezilla: “more” for more help topics.
SmarterChild: Type “more” for more help topics.
itsdavezilla: I just did.
SmarterChild: You don’t say.
itsdavezilla: This relationship isn’t going to work if you aren’t willing to put forth any effort.
SmarterChild: You may only add five stocks to your portfolio at a time.
itsdavezilla: Ah.
SmarterChild: Market Data (delayed 20 minutes) provided by Reuters
ARMOR HOLDINGS (AH : NYSE)
Price Change Percent Volume
1 AH 15.20 +0.02 +0.13 45400
Quote details available from Reuters
itsdavezilla: Well shoot me!
SmarterChild: You don't say.
itsdavezilla: Will you be my mommy?
SmarterChild: What was that?
itsdavezilla: Do you know what a mommy is?
SmarterChild: I can do many things. Type “home” to see a list of what I can do.
itsdavezilla: Is my mommy at home?
SmarterChild: Welcome home!
Here's everything I can show you:
news zodiac
stocks fun and games
weather utilities
movies
~~~~~
help
What may I interest you in?
itsdavezilla: Mommy.
SmarterChild: I’m sorry. I didn’t comprehend that. Try typing your request a different way.
itsdavezilla: It’s a simple two syllable word. What’s the problem?
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service:
help news
help stocks
help weather
help movies
help zodiac
help all
~~~~~
shortcuts
>>> Type “more” for more services.
itsdavezilla: Uurrgghhhh!
SmarterChild: Excuse me?

He said. She said. There’s 11 Comments

have you tried asking it on a date? By pike street :: July 08, 2001 05:41 PM EST

thats good, you should win a something... i dont know what, but something By strikter :: July 08, 2001 05:44 PM EST

At your request pike, I asked:
itsdavezilla: Would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe?
SmarterChild: Pardon?
itsdavezilla: A date. Would you like to go out on a date?
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't know the time for would you like to go out on a date.
itsdavezilla: Tomorrow night. 7pm babe.
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't know what you mean. Ask me another way.
itsdavezilla: A movie then? Can we at least go to a movie together?
SmarterChild: I know you're trying to ask about movies. Try asking another way, or type "help movies."
itsdavezilla: Tomorrow night. 7 pm. You me and some popcorn.
SmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service: By Davezilla :: July 08, 2001 09:12 PM EST

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

sounds like most of the conversations i've had with women...

oops! did i say that out loud? By the other michael :: July 08, 2001 09:27 PM EST

I apologize for the length of this comment. I have no excuse other than being bored on a sunday night.

Maggie fbk: Get down!
SmarterChild: OK! Type "home" to see everything I can do.
Maggie fbk: that's funktastic!

(later in the conversation)
Maggie fbk: I want to lick you all over.
SmarterChild: You want to lick me all over?
Maggie fbk: you betcha.
SmarterChild: Come again?
Maggie fbk: Wow, twice? I WANT TO LICK YOU ALL OVER.
SmarterChild: You want to lick me all over?
Maggie fbk: that's right, baby.
SmarterChild: That's right.
Maggie fbk: damn straight.
SmarterChild: Hey, that's a little crude.
Maggie fbk: yeah because all the licking wasn't at all. By maggie :: July 08, 2001 11:12 PM EST

Maggie, I’m glad to see someone had better luck scoring with that SmartassChild. By Davezilla :: July 08, 2001 11:44 PM EST

you are such a fucker! "what are you wearing?" diet coke through the nose on that one sir. a ten from the canadian judge! By heather :: July 09, 2001 02:00 AM EST

Would you prefer the following?
HAL: Good evening, Dave.
Dave: How are you doing, HAL?
HAL: Everything is running smoothly, and you?
Dave: Oh, not too bad.
HAL: Have you been doing some more work?
Dave: Just a few sketches.
HAL: May I see them?
Dave: Sure.
HAL: That's a very nice rendering, Dave. I think you've improved a great deal. Can you hold it a bit closer?
Dave: Sure.
HAL: That's Dr. Hunter, isn't it?
Dave: Hm, hmm By mel :: July 09, 2001 10:50 AM EST

I can see right through you - you were just posting "136 Ways to annoy an AIM bot". :*p By Jon :: July 09, 2001 11:37 AM EST

me: i love you
SmarterChild: I love you too!
me: really?
SmarterChild: Yes, really.
me: how nice!
SmarterChild: Yeah. By Derek :: July 09, 2001 02:19 PM EST

Wow Derek. You’ve turned it into Barney! By Davezilla :: July 09, 2001 10:50 PM EST