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July 02, 2001 :: "How to Drive Your Cat Insane"

1. Replace her regular kitty litter with Folger’s Crystals. See if she notices the difference.
   
2. Spoil your cat with a luxurious “honey bath.”
   
3. Glue a live mouse to the floor.
   
4. Try her out as a festive hood ornament on your car.
   
5. Strap a laser pointer to her head. Make sure it points to a spot 6" out of her reach.
   
6. Trim her whiskers down 1/4".
   
7. Buy a dozen “feeder crickets.” Let them all loose in front of your cat.
   
8. Tie a white flag of surrender to your cat’s tail. Let her loose at a dog show.
   
9. Brush her teeth. Use cinnamon toothpaste.
   
10. Plant tiny landmines in her kitty litter.
    
11. Broaden your cat’s spiritual horizons. Invite her to a drumming circle.
    
12. Throw your cat into the lion’s cage at the zoo so she can get reacquainted with her roots.
    
13. Become convinced your cat is a deity. Demand she perform daily miracles.

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He said. She said. There’s 4 Comments

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you forgot eating tunafish in front of them for a week and not offering them any! :-p By pike street :: July 02, 2001 12:25 PM EST

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Everyone already does that By Davezilla :: July 02, 2001 12:38 PM EST

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Chase the kitty in a closed room with a operating vacuum cleaner. Won't be back to normal for a week. By Jon :: July 03, 2001 05:05 PM EST

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Oh my God yes! My cats just love the vacuum. Especially when they are sleeping. They also seem terrified by my opening the ironing board too. By Amy Allen :: July 03, 2001 05:58 PM EST

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