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July 01, 2001 :: "How to Drive Your Dog Insane"

1. Adjust The Clapper to respond only to barking.
   
2. Train your dog to retrieve ducks. Go ostrich hunting.
   
3. Replace his flea powder with itching powder.
   
4. Run in fear every time your dog wags his tail.
   
5. Train your dog to hold still with a dog biscuit on his snout. Walk away.
   
6. Strap a motion-activated Furby to his back.
   
7. Replace the squeaker in his toys with a recording of your own voice screaming, “No! No! Stop, it hurts!.”
   
8. Feed your dog Pop Rocks.
   
9. Put a large piece of duct tape on its back.
   
10. Put duct tape on the underside of his paws.
    
11. Take the cat out for walks and make the dog use a litter box. Scold him if he doesn’t understand.

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He said. She said. There’s 2 Comments

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Wow those are truly vicious! I love it! By Amy Allen :: July 01, 2001 07:47 PM EST

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Thanx a lot Dave. I tried 8 out of these 11 and my dog is now blind. Thanx a whole freakin' bunch! By pjz :: July 01, 2001 11:16 PM EST

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