davezilla.com > current: June 20, 2001: "One of these things is not like the other"

last "Threatening Weather" :: Current :: next "Look at the size of that guy’s post!"

June 20, 2001 :: "One of these things is not like the other"

Why is it that we find some animals socially acceptable and other ones, although closely related, completely abhorrent? Stranger still, some animals are fascinating in the right location. But in your own yard? Disgusting. Allow me to elaborate:

Acceptable
Not Acceptable
Gerbils: Rodents are cute.
Rats: Rodents aren’t cute.
Snails: Monopods with homes on their backs are whimsical and amusing. Slugs: Homeless monopods are not whimsical; they’re annoying.
Iguanas: Green Mexican lizards are festive and remind us of beer and partying. Gila Monsters: Red Mexican lizards are scary and remind us of dying slowly in the desert.
Chihuahuas: Small, furry taco-eating mammals are good for advertising. Chupacabras: Small, furry goat-eating mammals are bad for tourism.
Catfish: In an aquarium it’s a fun and lively fish. Catfish: In a pond it’s a sluggish shit-eater.
Coyotes: Tiny dog-like creatures that are a regular cast member of morning cartoons. Jackals: Tiny dog-like creatures that are a regular cast member of nature documentaries.
Dragonflies: Encountered as jewelry they are both decorative and exquisite. Dragonflies: Encountered in your yard they are Devil bugs that sew up your lips.
Butterflies: Exotic lepidopterae that adorn women’s clothing. Moths: Drab lepidopterae that eat women’s clothing.
Dragons: Heroic, wise creatures that capture our hearts. Komodo Dragons: Smelly, foul creatures that capture our hearts. And eat them.
Cows: Gentle quadrupeds that give us milk and cheese and remind us of meadows. Goats: Gentle quadrupeds that give us milk and cheese and remind us of devil worship.

He said. She said. There’s 13 Comments

have you seen that commercial on the tee-vee where the belly buttons are singing? boy, that just cracks my shit UP! hehe. By "w" :: June 20, 2001 09:20 PM EST

It's bedtime George. Behave! By Davezilla :: June 20, 2001 10:17 PM EST

One other one comes to mind:

BUMBLEBEES: Floats gently from flower to flower, providing honey to all.

YELLOWJACKETS: Floats gently from giant hanging hive to giant hanging hive, providing allergic, painful rashes and insta-death to all. By Ernie :: June 21, 2001 04:24 AM EST

Also why is gross to eat horse or dog but not cow (or even goat) By Mir :: June 21, 2001 05:46 AM EST

Q: What's the difference between a duck?

A: One of it's legs is both the same ... By Simon :: June 21, 2001 06:49 AM EST

dude! no way!

rats rock. they make fantastic pets and they're smart too.

--c. By clive :: June 21, 2001 06:53 AM EST

I have no problem with rats either.I used to breed them. For my python. But you see my point Clive? Gerbils are just rats that have a better press kit. By Davezilla :: June 21, 2001 07:51 AM EST

Cows give you Mad Cow Disease, and did I read that right: "Chupacabras... goat-eating"? Wow, they must have big mouths. By Jon :: June 21, 2001 10:41 AM EST

Hmm, I was under the impression that what chupacabras did to goats was of more of a sucking nature. And, um, are iguanas Mexican? By Joe :: June 21, 2001 12:24 PM EST

If you're comparing rats to gerbils for feeding, dave, the reason i only feed my columbian boa rats, is that i've seen a 3 inch gerbil take that 6 foot boa on with no regard for life or limb. he left a scar that lingered for months. man, those gerbils are like the rodent "rocky balboa"!

but i hear ya man, we really are a double-standard species, aren't we? By six :: June 21, 2001 12:44 PM EST

"...Devil bugs that sew up your lips"
WHAT?!?!?
Who the hell raised you and how is your therapy going? By Jako :: June 21, 2001 07:06 PM EST

Ah you younguns! That was an old wive's tale. They used to call Dragonflies "The Devil's Darning Needles." Don't ask me. I don't make this shit up. By Davezilla :: June 21, 2001 07:50 PM EST

"What are you?"

"I'm an otter."

"What do you do?"

"I lie on my back in the water and do cute little human things with my hands."

"You can go. And what are you?"

"I'm a cow."

"Get in the fuckin truck, pal." By Bry :: June 21, 2001 09:48 PM EST

Acceptable	Not Acceptable
Gerbils: Rodents are cute.	Rats: Rodents aren’t cute.
Snails: Monopods with homes on their backs are whimsical and amusing.	Slugs: Homeless monopods are not whimsical; they’re annoying.
Iguanas: Green Mexican lizards are festive and remind us of beer and partying.	Gila Monsters: Red Mexican lizards are scary and remind us of dying slowly in the desert.
Chihuahuas: Small, furry taco-eating mammals are good for advertising.	Chupacabras: Small, furry goat-eating mammals are bad for tourism.
Catfish: In an aquarium it’s a fun and lively fish.	Catfish: In a pond it’s a sluggish shit-eater.
Coyotes: Tiny dog-like creatures that are a regular cast member of morning cartoons.	Jackals: Tiny dog-like creatures that are a regular cast member of nature documentaries.
Dragonflies: Encountered as jewelry they are both decorative and exquisite.	Dragonflies: Encountered in your yard they are Devil bugs that sew up your lips.
Butterflies: Exotic lepidopterae that adorn women’s clothing.	Moths: Drab lepidopterae that eat women’s clothing.
Dragons: Heroic, wise creatures that capture our hearts.	Komodo Dragons: Smelly, foul creatures that capture our hearts. And eat them.
Cows: Gentle quadrupeds that give us milk and cheese and remind us of meadows.	Goats: Gentle quadrupeds that give us milk and cheese and remind us of devil worship.