last "The envelope please..." :: Current :: next "Mexican Safari"

June 03, 2001 :: ":)"

I admit it. I use Instant Messenger. It could be the worst possible mechanism ever devised for conveying the subtleties of the English tongue, second only to telegrams and carrier pigeons.

The emoticons have always baffled me. They look less like their ASCII counterparts than I would expect. I was lamenting this with Leslie on Saturday, [on AIM of course] and we conspired, I mean, co-created, this massive collection of more appropos meanings for the icons. Enjoy!


Icon

Intended Meaning

What they really look like

smiley (0k image)Smile
  1. I like T-Shirts
  2. I am wearing my wife’s underwear.
  3. I am nodding my head, pretending to listen to you.
  4. I don’t speak a fucking word of English
  5. Roger Hargreaves fan
frown (0k image)Frown
  1. I couldn’t get front row seats dude...
  2. I am Morgan Fairchild
  3. I am passing a stone
wink (0k image)Wink
  1. I have pink eye.
  2. "Ahoy Matey!"
tongue (0k image)Sticking out tongue
  1. I am picturing you naked.
  2. Messy spaghetti eater
uh-oh (0k image)Uh Oh
  1. UL-listed 3-prong electrical socket.
  2. Charlie Chaplin
  3. I thought YOU sent in the rent?
  4. Edward Munch's The Scream
kissy-face (0k image)Kissy face
  1. I'm a drag queen
  2. I'm in disguise
  3. Your mother is calling you
angry (0k image)Yelling
  1. SanFrancisco is just as good as New York!
  2. You are not the boss of me
big-grin (0k image)Big Grin
  1. I had a good dental checkup.
  2. This is a stickup!
  3. The Xanax is finally kicking in.
money-mouth (0k image)Put your money where your mouth is
  1. Get this snake off my face!
  2. Vampire
  3. Billy Idol
foot (0k image)Foot in mouth
  1. I have a terrible overbite.
  2. Censor free speech
  3. Always wear a protective mask when hanging drywall.
  4. Never speak of the monkey again!
blush (0k image)Embarassed
  1. Just got a new makeover
  2. My fly is down.
  3. I am curious yellow
an-angel (0k image)Angel
  1. I can balance a dinner plate on my head. See?
  2. All right. Who put the hotdog on my head?
  3. I am French.
  4. I have a tinfoil-wrapped coathanger around my head to keep the government from stealing my ideas
hmm (0k image)Hmmmm
  1. My facelift failed.
  2. Leona Helmsley.
crying (0k image)Crying
  1. Tammy Faye Bakker.
  2. I have murdered one person for my gang.
  3. Robert Smith
lips-are-sealed (0k image)My lips are sealed
  1. I am into really dangerous S & M practices
  2. A sushi plate with chopsticks
  3. I'm gonna hurl any second!
joe-cool (0k image)Joe Cool
  1. I'm from LA babe.
  2. I drive a Beetle.
  3. Blues Brothers



He said. She said. There’s 6 Comments
Nice one dave, but I must object to the wink, and the ahoy matey thing, I am a sailor, but not a homo sailor.
But yet I still laughed my ass off. By J_dogg43 :: June 04, 2001 05:04 AM EST
Hast thou a better suggestion for the Wink, Mssr. Dogg? By Davezilla :: June 04, 2001 03:57 PM EST
why doesa dogg feel the need to assert that he is not a homo? i don't recall making a pirate joke as being an indication that you're gay. just kidding matey! ;) By pike street :: June 04, 2001 04:07 PM EST
"I have murdered one person for my gang." As a tattooist, not only do I GET this one, but I find it to be by FAR the most brilliant thing that has ever seeped from that sexy brain of yours. By Tamity :: June 04, 2001 08:00 PM EST
Thanks Tami, but thank Leslie. She was the mastermind behind that bit of inspired brilliance. By Davezilla :: June 04, 2001 08:54 PM EST
That cracked me up! I use MSN so much now since ICQ sold out and tacked an ad to each message, but this is hilarious! By Yardsale :: June 04, 2001 09:20 PM EST

Powered By Greymatter

All material is ©2001 Dave Linabury. All rights reserved.