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May 14, 2001 :: "The Smell"
There is one thing worse than noticing that one’s apartment needs cleaning. And that is noticing that someone else’s apartment needs cleaning. Desperately.
My new neighbor’s apartment needs more than mere cleaning. It needs a quarantine notice.
He moved to our building recently. A silent, grizzled fellow with ill-fitting trousers and no discernable chin. Seemed harmless enough.
Within one week of his occupancy, the building began taking on an odd smell, reminiscent of a mildewed bath towel, sprayed by a ripe, male cat.
One week later, the smell seemed to hang around like an unwanted party guest. It grew in strength, seeking refuge in the walls and laundry room. Being on the upper floor, I scarcely noticed it unless I walked down the hall to check my mail.
Until last Sunday.
The Smell, as we had come to call it, had grown into some ghastly, Lovecraftian nightmare. It waited for the innocent to enter the building. Once inside it lept upon them and dug its cruel talons deep into their olfactory system, wiping out any memory of fresh air. A wave of nausea and sheer terror are the last thing one remembers.
No words can accurately describe The Smell. But I'll try. Imagine if you will, several pounds of overcooked cabbage, wet dog fur, sour milk, burnt yak hair and moldy feta cheese left in a damp basement for a month. Now give this festering lump a primitive intelligence and a hatred for humanity.
And this smell was coming from the body of a single individual. I cannot begin to imagine what type of hygiene habits this man was taught. My guess is it involves bathing in his own urine and gargling with dung.
More on this later. You must excuse me. I'm feeling sick again.
Smell of Lovecraftian proportions? The oh so horrible that I can't describe it, but it's really terribly frightening kind of smell? That sounds bad, in the lose 10D SAN kind of way.
At the risk of seeming completely out of it, what praytell is 10D SAN? And yes, I have never encountered a worse smell in my life.
thanks for sharing. that was beautifully written. disappointment, frustration, and sheer horror make for such well-written things.
10D SAN is from Cthulhu the Roleplaying Game, which means thatyour character has experienced something truely horrible and therefor must roll ten dices and lose that amount in sanity (=SAN i short form).
I have encountered The Smell before, emanating from a salesman in a print shop where I worked. his Smell was born of chainsmoking and chain-coffee-drinking and an apparent obliviousness to deodorant and breath mints.
how about nag champa? it can conver a multitude of sins. i should know. the pups and i are having a few 'house training' issues.
I think that your neighbor's apprentice may have lived down the hall from a friend of mine in the dorms a couple years ago. Or do all male college students assume that bathing is not a requirement for graduation?
Jeff, happy to share my disgust. Like when someone says, “This smells disgusting. Here you smell it.”
He said. She said. There’s 8 Comments
Nick :: 14 May, 2001 04:16 PM
A friend offered the helpful comment that he may be another Jeff Dahlmer. Thanks Everchill. Really brightened my day.
Davezilla :: 14 May, 2001 06:48 PM
apartness :: 15 May, 2001 01:14 AM
Nick :: 15 May, 2001 03:21 AM
it could knock you deaf at ten paces. I feel your pain.
earthman :: 15 May, 2001 04:40 AM
heather :: 15 May, 2001 11:03 AM
Tracy :: 15 May, 2001 11:05 PM
Clive, as a musician I hope you weren’t knocked deaf by him. That would be a pity.
Heather. Tried it. Have been burning it nonstop actually. It does keep The Smell at bay, providing I never leave my room. I have three days worth of groceries left. [crosses fingers]
Scary Tracey. As one who loves baths and showers I cannot relate.
Davezilla :: 15 May, 2001 11:59 PM
All material is ©2001 Dave Linabury. All rights reserved.