Manly Tip #8

Stay Single and Stay Manly.

Just yesterday I was having a manly discussion with my best friend of 25 years. He was, of course, envious of my manly lifestyle, unhindered and free. “You’re always running around the country, meeting lots of women and you always have time to get everything done. How do you do it?”

It’s simple my friends. Stay single. Unhindered by a wife and children you’ll have time to do anything you want. If you learn anything from me at all, memorize that and make it your mantra.

Margaret Thatcher once said, “Till death do us part was conceived in an age when the human lifespan averaged 35 years.” Truer words have ne’er been spoken. Allow me to provide some fabulous reasons to stay single:

• Popcorn. It’s what’s for dinner.
• No one’s touching that thermostat but you brother.
• If you run out of hot water, it’s cause you got to hog all of it.
• Black Sabbath. Top volume. All day.
• Paying the bills in the nude.
• Anything in the nude.
• The Man Show. Cause you know, beer and trampolines.
• You clean the place when you’re good and ready. Or have a date.
• Benny Hill Marathons.
• No one is going to tell you you’re spending too much time on the computer, with the cat, working on your car.
• Car parts on the kitchen table. As God intended it.
• The Monty Python Boxed set.
• Tomb Raider until 4am. And you have a meeting to go to in three hours.
• There’s always beer in the fridge. The kind you like.
• Put the lid down? As if.
• The Victoria’s Secret catalog is a mandatory coffee table item.
• 12Gb drive dedicated to FilePile crap.
• No one’s gonna say, “Oh. You’re wearing ... that. I see.”
• Godzilla-themed Christmas trees.
• You’ll never wake up to Barney or Veggie Tales videos.
• Shaving? Sure, whatever.
• Never having to close the bathroom door.
• The remote control. ’Nuff said.

Special thanks to Jima