Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

1. Do we have to get a puppy? I mean, look at that adorable tarantula!
2. I just nuked a bitch.
3. Your wedding dress is so fuckin’ badass.
4. Fuckin’-a right, I’m robbin’ a bank!
5. The dishes can wait. You need a lap dance.
6. Cobra hunting? Be still, my heart!
7. You don’t have all I can eat.
8. You know what I’d like? Some creepy, single guy to follow me around with an upskirt cam all day.
9. Only 3,600 calories? Supersize that shit! I’ll fucking starve on that.
10. Yes, dear. I’m completely satisfied.

1. Merriment
2. Cherish
3. Giddy
4. Scrumptious
5. Sparkly
6. Vag
7. Toodles
8. Precious
9. Pocketbook
10. Slacks

What words would you add to this list?

1. If you don’t have an island in your kitchen, your home will never sell. Buyers want an island.
2. If you have the wrong kind of island in your kitchen, you’ll ruin your home No one will want to buy it.
3. Laminate flooring is a high quality, inexpensive material to give you the look of real tile for less.
4. Laminate floors look cheap and will lower the value of your home. You really should have gone with real tile.
5. Use purple and orange pillows, paired with lots of candles for the look of a plush, Moroccan getaway.
6. The Moroccan look is cheap, outdated and a fire hazard.
7. Bake bread in your kitchen before buyers show up. It will make the house feel like a home.
8. Buyers are savvy today and won’t fall for old tricks like baking bread.

What have you learned from HGTV?