Comments on: How to Speak Waiter

By: junkman

junkman — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:51:58 +0000

heading out to the restaurant!

By: chainstay

chainstay — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:51:18 +0000

“Would you care to order now? Or do you need more time?”
“Hurry the fuck up ’cause I’m off in 15 miutes! Besides, you look like the sort of person that is just gonna order a cheeseburger or something deep-fried anyway.”

By: YankeeRose33

YankeeRose33 — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:11:25 +0000

[quote comment="637386"]Something I’ve always wanted to do.
Go into an American restaurant, wait for the waiter to come over and before he has a chance to speak, look at him grinning like a crazed lemur and almost shout:
“WELL HI THERE! MY NAME IS LUNG AND I’LL BE YOUR CUSTOMER FOR THIS EVENING!”
See how he reacts.[/quote]
LOL! My old man has actually done that!! (and unfortunately, both my son and myself were present!)

By: StevieC

StevieC — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:28:11 +0000

Well, I guess this answers the question as to why there are no restaurants in Zillaland.

By: junkman

junkman — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:23:23 +0000

-would you like the bearnaise or sauce perigourdine with that?
“doesn’t really matter they are both made with a sous chef jizz base”
-shall i bring a second fork for the dessert?
“not that your fat pig of a husband eats with one”
-can i take your coats?
“we can’t rifle through them if you’re sitting on them”
-sparkling or still water?
“freshly flushed or stagnant”
-our special tonight is chilean sea bass.
“we have a commitment here to eradicate the species by christmas”
-would you like american cheese with that?
“there is no such thing we actually use caulking”
-it comes with a garnish of pea tendrils!
“they are the cheapest most tastless things we can grow in our hog manure compost but they give it that ‘garden fresh’ look”
-perhaps you would like the chanterelle ravioli?
“chanterelle is our 450lb cigarette smoking cook and she’s warming up the chef boyardee now”

By: Lung the Younger

Lung the Younger — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:14:34 +0000

MOUSSE OR PUREE OF ANYTHING – yesterday’s leftovers shovelled into a blender.
FULL-BODIED WINE – you look like you could use the strong stuff.
FLAME-GRILLED – burned on the outside, raw on the inside.
HOUSE SPECIAL – Shit was taking up way too much space in the freezer AND is about to go off.
CHEF’S SURPRISE – Chef’s drunk, doesn’t speak English and could be making anything.
WOULD YOU PREFER A TABLE ON THE TERRACE? –You didn’t shower this morning, did you?
WE ALSO HAVE VEGETARIAN, CELIAC AND LOW-CALORIE OPTIONS – I just stuck the other two options in first so as not to make it obvious that I think you’re both hideously obese.
SURE I CAN BRING YOU MORE BREADSTICKS – filling up on the freebies, eh? You’re not going to tip for shit, are you?

By: fruf

fruf — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:28:53 +0000

When the hostess asks “how many” reply 63 the bus arrives in 2 minutes…Must be said in a serious way….watch the response
Would you like a table or a booth….fat ass you’ll never fit into a booth
when the server puts a smiley face,and have a nice day on the back of the bill deduct 10% from their tip

By: Lung the Younger

Lung the Younger — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 07:26:19 +0000

Something I’ve always wanted to do.
Go into an American restaurant, wait for the waiter to come over and before he has a chance to speak, look at him grinning like a crazed lemur and almost shout:
“WELL HI THERE! MY NAME IS LUNG AND I’LL BE YOUR CUSTOMER FOR THIS EVENING!”
See how he reacts.

By: Sherri

Sherri — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:46:59 +0000

No substitutes = If you change anything on the menu I will spit in your food!

By: La Guera Linda

La Guera Linda — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:03:55 +0000

and the #1 is…… Would you like fries with that ?