Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

I ate sushi at Katana in Royal Oak last night. Katana used to be a very trendy spot—almost pickup joint—with beautiful people and even more beautiful waitresses. Granted, I have not eaten there in six months and things seemed to have changed.

At first I thought I was in a Sopranos episode. Every table save mine seemed to be populated by enormous, neckless Italian men with gold chains, striped shirts and ill-fitting jeans. Accompanying each brutish fellow was an over made-up woman with, shall we say, junk in the trunk?

None of this was particularly interesting to me until Lizz pointed out that the men seemed stunned by the knowledge that they would be called upon to use chopsticks. In front of their peers. From our vantage point alone, we observed the following methods for eating sushi:

1. Chopsticks held like drumsticks, one stick in each hand, the sushi roll bounced about as if between Devil Sticks
2. Stabbed like a Shish Kebab
3. Fingers
4. With a fork
5. Stabbed with a steak knife
6. Stolen off the pregnant wife’s plate
7. How have you seen sushi eaten?

C.C.: [Points out car window] “Oh look! An eagle! OMG, it’s totally an eagle!”
Me: “Um, that’s not an eagle. That’s just a crow with a piece of bread in its mouth.”
C.C.: “Uh, huh. You’re right. OK. This does not leave this car.”
Me: “The hell it doesn’t.”
T.T.: “And to think, we get to see it eating its natural prey—bread.”
C.C.: “All right. Enough.”
Me: “You know, eagles developed their keen vision so they could spot wild herds of bread from a mile in the air. Then they swoop down and snatch one before it escapes.”
C.C.: “Enough!”
T.T.: “Bread can be quite wily, I hear.”
Me: “Indeed. Very wily.”
C.C.: “Fuckers.”

Had a meeting that ran so late, I missed the debate. Really wanted to see live, when the lasers spewed forth from McCain’s eyes as he showed America who’s boss around here.

Frickin' lasers!

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