Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

29 comments:

1. janeeto, 1. May 2008, 0:40
   

   I want a “Mr. Toast”. Really, where did you get that? It would be so cute on my desk, my sister would want to kidnap, or toastnap it, I would be the envy of the office!

    
2. Chris S., 1. May 2008, 5:31
   

   I had a Mr. Porridge but had to get rid of him because he kept oozing all over the place.

   —————-.

   I’m awaiting the day that you find a severed finger or a small foreign child in your tub Dave. That cat is too weird.

    
3. AnnieB, 1. May 2008, 7:06
   

   How else is she supposed to get her picture on the cover of Rolling Stone?

    
4. Nicolette, 1. May 2008, 7:17
   

   Still no dead gifts? That is the ultimate in the animal world for showing love! Is she just pawning off the leftovers to you and saving the good stuff for someone else? :wtf:

    
5. Mandy, 1. May 2008, 7:46
   

   you’ve never shown us when she drags your pr0n into the tub, dave.

    
6. Bigwavdave, 1. May 2008, 8:25
   

   Sorry, but I just can’t let this slide…It’s “Pigs On The Wing” (Parts 1 & 2)
   “Every fool knows, a dog needs a home, a shelter from pigs on the wing.”

    
7. Meagan, 1. May 2008, 9:22
   

   Isn’t that O.J.’s glove?

    
8. Flash Gordon, 1. May 2008, 10:43
   

   You sure that “toy” isn’t a pile of crap? :puke:

    
9. Master Solace, 1. May 2008, 11:53
   

   Okay…….going with the last time…….I’m sure the glove has something to do with the sock………the receipt has to show why your kitty only had a penny left……..is that the same toy, Dave?………..the shaving brush has to do with a health reminder that a shaved pussy is a happy one :wang: ……………..and a MR. TOAST…….I gotta get me one of those……tell me…….where can I get one?………

   Wait….I had a point……sorry, the Mr. Toast threw me of course there…….

   The point is maybe there is a certain logic to what and why your cat has been bringing only these things into the tub……..the tub of all places…….there must be some kind of message there…………

   I can’t think of one right now, but there has to be…………

    
10. Master Solace, 1. May 2008, 11:54
    

    should be off course……damn Mr. Toast……

     
11. Chris S., 1. May 2008, 12:13
    

    YEAH TOAST!!

     
12. junkman, 1. May 2008, 12:17
    

    mr. sluggo would have a great time with mr. toast. ohhh noooo!

     
13. StevieC, 1. May 2008, 12:28
    

    Ummm, why does your pussy have a shaving brush?

     
14. MRDOUG, 1. May 2008, 12:30
    

    [Comment ID #291133 will appear here]

    Uh Flash Gordon, you may want to go see your doctor if that is what you think a pile of shit should look like…I would give a few weeks to live…

    Mr toast scares me…

     
15. AnnieB, 1. May 2008, 16:03
    

    [Comment ID #291199 will appear here]

    Hey MD give Flash a break. He’s from Georgia, you know red clay country. I think their poop looks a little different there. Also bear in mind it’s MY job to yank his chain.

     
16. Lake Effect, 1. May 2008, 16:28
    

    I WISH I’d find Mr. Toast. All my cat ever leaves me is little ‘tootsie rolls’, which at Christmas time are actually decorated with tinsel. ( :puke: )Creative, I know. But I long for a Mr. Toast.

     
17. Flash Gordon, 1. May 2008, 16:29
    

    [Comment ID #291311 will appear here]

    Thank you,, hon. MD evidently has has limited experience with crap. It comes in
    all shapes and colors here depending on several factors. Mr Toast doesn’t scare me
    at all; I has size twelves to stomp his ass with. Now that cat with the shaving brush
    scares me….. :wtf:

     
18. Spud, 1. May 2008, 19:58
    

    Mr Toast needs to be in a Camtoon Dave…

     
19. StevieC, 1. May 2008, 21:05
    

    Dave, it’s beginning to look like the cat is the only one in your household that uses the tub ….

     
20. Lake Effect, 1. May 2008, 23:05
    

    I found the Mr. Toast store… http://theimaginaryworld.com/figure.html

    I sure can’t afford him, tho. I’m gonna hafta settle for a slice of bread and a Sharpie.

     
21. Bigwavdave, 2. May 2008, 8:42
    

    Dave, I guess (having been to the Mr. Toast store – Thanks Lake) the only question remaining is why you had a Mr. Toast laying around the house in the first place? :wtf:

     
22. Mandyfish, 2. May 2008, 9:08
    

    I like the composition of this.

     
23. Davezilla, 2. May 2008, 14:29
    

    [Comment ID #292073 will appear here]

    Ah, well I bought him at a vinyl toy store called Lift. My cat climbs any shelf and is a sniper-accurate jumper. Nothing is safe from her unless it’s behind lock and key. Mr. Toast was happy on his shelf until being hunted down.

     
24. julesOdeNile, 3. May 2008, 5:40
    

    says the cat: ” I is gonna plants the evidence here then when zilla-girlfriend goes missing (for she is giving me competition), they will not suspect me… but what do i do to keep dave Z out of trouble?… i has to think this through… (the plot thickens)

     
25. TimM, 3. May 2008, 9:05
    

    She’s practicing for when she drags the toaster into the tub while you’re bathing. Check to see if she got the extension cord on the toaster yet.

     
26. DaPopster, 3. May 2008, 15:11
    

    Wish my cat would drag stuff in the tub rather than yacking up hairballs in there, amongst other places. All time favorite is up in the middle of the night and step bafefoot on one. :puke:

     
27. Lake Effect, 3. May 2008, 16:20
    

    The Cat’s Diary
    Day 983 of My Captivity

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
    
    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
    
    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now …
    

     
28. Lake Effect, 3. May 2008, 16:23
    

    Whoa…that went bad…maybe a little too long. Here’s the whole thing:

    http://www.kittens-lair.net/cat-humor/cats-diary.html

     
29. Katie, 9. May 2008, 5:13
    

    Does the toast have jelly on it…..

    Cat probably ate it off………………….darn cat?

    I agree, the glove is OJ’s