- Psychically melt the brains of the person(s) responsible for the meeting.
- Switch the agenda for one written in Pig Latin.
- Stare intently at the speaker’s face as if they have a monstrous zit on their cheek.
- Give the “your zipper is down” signal to the speaker numerous times during the meeting.
- Scream at the top of your lungs that you, “just had the worst nightmare that I was in this horrible meeting…”
- Perform a striptease. Request unusual music.
- Inquire where this “box” is that everyone is thinking outside of, cause you sure haven’t seen one lying around the office.”
- If there is a window view, bolt from your chair, dive under the table and yell, “Incoming!” This works especially well if there are any war veterans in the room.
- Open a jar of spiders on the table.
- What would youdo during a boring meeting?
Suggest, very seriously, that the meeting be conducted using ‘Pig Latin’ to thwart industrial espionage. Then speak it, no matter what anyone else does.
Laugh at very inappropriate moments.
Rock back on your chair, then fall over in a cloud of arms legs and papers.
Ask repeatedly where they’re hiding the donuts.
If there are donuts, dunk. And slurp.
# Perform a striptease. Request unusual music.
how is that different from any other day for me?
After hearing the CEO’s strategy, yawn and ask him to tell another good bedtime story like the last one
Wait until the meeting is over then say “I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Could you please repeat that?”
Start drilling for gold and offer to share any really big nuggets.
Pretend you’re a cat http://icanhascheezburger.com/category/boring/
Arrange for pizza to be delivered and have the delivery guy ask for the person who called the meeting…
Tell the others that the voices in your head are insisting you kill anybody at the table…
Yell “Fire in the hole!” and blast ‘em with a loud, wet fart.
Start faking an orgasm. And just when you’re about to climax, just say,”um, I’ve GOT TO GO to the bathroom because this just can’t wait”. Don’t wait for a response, just start moaning as you run out the door.
Fall asleep (for real)
Cover your mouth at irregular intervals and sneeze out bullshit or crap
Play footsie with the person opposite.
Open a bag of boiled lollies. Several times. Preferably at strategic moments.
Get there early and take the head of the long table. the spot usually set for the big cahuna.
Stick a finger in your nose, leave it there, and just pay all attention the rest of the meeting
Start making “blrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlr! sounds with your tongue and index finger looking into every ones eyes
(in your most annoying “brotha accent”) keep asking “ninja whaaaat?” every time the boss makes a point
(while the meeting is on) go over to the boss and hug and pat him on the back saying “it’s not you, it’s me… i gotta go!”
ask out loud “can you die from farting too hard…” to no one in particular
an old classic “the wet willie” just for the boss man
walk over to (the person speaking) if they are standing, and start giving them the Heimlich maneuver
just start crying out loud and when they ask just keep repeating “make him stop, make him stop, pleeeeease….”
Turn loose a small hoard of mice and or guniea pigs, jump on meeting table and scream, “AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! THE RODENTS ARE STAGING A HOSTILE TAKEOVER!!”
Show up 15 minutes late. When the boss asks why, you announce “Well, I was thinking of quitting, but then I changed my my mind.”
Play show tunes with your pencils and ask anyone if they can guess what you’re playing.
Hire a stripper to come 10 minutes into the meeting and perform for the big boss.
Take off your tie and switch it with someone else’s. Repeat as needed.
knot an owl macrame flower pot holder
knit a photocopier cozy
doodle a noose
make water cooler cone cup hats for everyone
eat pork cracklin’ and drink red gravy
tighten your belt around your arm and tap your veins
offer chiclets to co-workers from a preparation h box
hand out nudie pens and demonstrate how to make them work
tell everyone your favorite band is the butthole surfers and ask if they know “hairway to steven”
whenever your boss says the word “team” yell out “my cunt hurts” even if you’re a man.
Making sure nobody else can see you, blow kisses, flick your tongue suggestively, rub a nipple and mouth the phrase “I wanna F*CK you” at the speaker.
Jump up on the table in the middle of the presentation, get in the ready-to-sprint position & say, “I saw this in a cartoon once & I think I can do it!” Then haul-ass off the table & out of the room while making “Roadrunner” or “Speedy Gonzalez” noises!
after a very important point from your boss, get caught playing with yourself with a satisfied grin and a little drool hanging from your lip…….
Bring in your laptop and google zillagirl images.
Log on to Facebook and send pie to all your friends
Pull a thong from your shirt pocket and start mopping your brow
Reply, “Fo Shizzle, ma nizzle!!!!” and “You go, girlfren!!!!” to any speaker who is white and over 40
Pass around Ex-lax in an Altoids tin (don’t forget to warn that they are “curiously strong”)
Pass around the container of bait that you have bought for tomorrow’s fishing trip (if the meeting is on a Friday)
Pass around the container of bait that was left over from last weekend’s fishing trip (if the meeting is on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday)
Offer to take everyone to Stabbucks and treat them all to Vanilla Buscardos
Don your Gumby costume with the hole in the crotch, the one that lets your huge, green penis breathe free and stand proud.
Wear a Batman costume, and floss your teeth with a leather thong when it’s your turn to speak.
Bring a box of fake cereal in your briefcase, and a few paper bowls. Pour a serving of Kellogg’s Porn Flakes for everyone present, and declare loudly that you owe your meteoric corporate rise to a healthy dose of Porn each morning.
Pretend to take a call from Dick Cheney, and ask him if he is looking at that naked woman RIGHT NOW.
Bring your 10 year-old guitar-playing nephew, insist that he play a Sex Pistols medley for everyone, and drop your pants during “Pretty Vacant”
Show everyone all the photos of freaks you have taken on your cellphone at your local Starbucks.
(You get the idea….)
Ha, ha, ha, you BETTER duck, this is really a COWpie ====[) SPLAT!!! PHEWWW!!!
as for the video link……it ’s probably time to check this out again….although it may not have changed much……..www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com
p.s boring meeting? bring miguel and unleash him on the fatties!
After the above, it seems to me that Mandy & her board of directors would give good meeting!
One would never be bored at a Zillagirl board meeting but there would be wood.
Where I work, our meetings aren’t boring. In our last one, my boss kept flashing me his iphone picture of a particularly disturbing airport bathroom scene he’d stumbled into the previous day. So thoughtful and professional of him to share while I tried to get my point across.
Set a bag of fresh cow shit on the floor as close as possible to the boss and set it on fire.
Pull out your johnson, start waving it, and sing “The First Cut is The Deepest”.
So doll, you’re saying that every day is like a day at the orifice….um….office for you?
Ha…..every time you would use the word office, substitute with the word orifice……like the lovely example above