Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

One freak has continually eluded my camera. Three times now. I will persevere. Anyway, here is the breakdown of her attire, and I use that term loosely; she looks rather loose.

1. Bedraggled and pallid, fake, leopard-fur jacket. The type of fabric one would see on the loincloth of a “native” in a B-movie.
2. Shop-worn, straight-leg jeans, so tight you could have hidden a copy of The Economist in her lumpish cameltoe. I must qualify something. Her porcine legs were extremely dense, so the “straight leg” was not so much straight, as it was a polynomial approximation of a Jordan arc.
3. Did I mention the ass of the jeans spelled out “Elvis” and “Country”? She’s a whiz with that BeDazzler®, I can assure you.
4. Suede fuckme boots. Extra fringe. Extra shitty.
5. Cheap, pink lipstick, rouge the exact hue of a Robber Crab, and pumpkin-orange eye shadow, which may in fact be actual smeared pumpkin.
6. Approximately two 8oz. cans of Love’s Baby Soft Mist, drained and leaving puddles as she lumbers past.

Image via Natalie