Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

…but today I nailed one without skipping a beat.

[SCENE: Starbucks]
Woman: “Ahem. Is that an Apple product?”
Me: “Yes, it’s a G4 Lap—”
Woman: “Well, you must be a devil worshipper, because only democrats and satanists use Apple products.”
Me: “Why, I am a devil worshipper. Did the Mac give it away?”

10. Car alarm going off
9. Hyenas fighting over bones
8. Blender full of silverware
7. Angry baby
6. Chiropractor adjusting a spine
5. Dentist’s drill
4. Nails on chalkboard
3. Garbage disposal with a spoon in it
2. Air horn
1. Celine Dion

What do you tihnk the worst ringtone would be?

With suggestions from Natalie, Jason, Liz B. And Lynette R.

Image via Natalie

1. Syrah, pronounced as SWAH
2. Merlot, pronounced as MYRHH-lit
3. Edamame, pronounced as AH-nee-Mom-ee
4. Sushi, pronounced as SOE-shee
5. Soy sauce, pronounced as SWOY siss

This is my neighbor’s inflatable Grinch. Every night he deflates and by morning, it’s difficult to tell if he is hungover, facing Mecca or performing auto-fellatio.

1. Link of the Day: Student Arrested After Cutting Food With Knife, expect Homeland security to outlaw everything but spoons next.
2. Video of the Day: Everyday Normal Guy, link via Lung the Younger