Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

1. Canada: Bacon-flavoured beer
2. Cuba: Black-bean Mojitos
3. United States: Fast food-flavoured light beer
4. Australia: Vegemite-flavoured beer
5. England: Curry-flavored Pims
6. Ireland: No need to raise it any further
7. Sweden: Lutefisk vodka
8. Nigeria: Yam shots
9. Mexico: Pepper-flavoured tequila. Oh wait. They have that.
10. Which ones did I miss?

Image via Ryan S., who took it on US-117 Business in Goldsboro, NC.

Over the years, I have seen several marginally funny lists of why men are like dogs and women are like cats. I propose the opposite. Men are more like cats and women are more like dogs. I offer my reasons below. Please add any I missed (or disagree).

Men are like cats because:

1. When you need them, they suddenly go deaf to their name being called
2. Both clean their feet by kicking dirt in every direction
3. They have no reservations about climbing on furniture, shelves, walls…
4. Both like resting on women’s breasts, hips
5. Getting licked by one is often a rough bit of business

Women are like dogs because:

1. Like dogs, they pee on the carpet for six weeks until they finally learn to use the newspaper
2. They both tear up the neighbors’ flower gardens
3. Both women and dogs greet you by sniffing your crotch
4. They both have an irrational fear of postal carriers and will chase them across the lawn
5. They both growl when you try to take the tennis ball away from them

I never win anything.

My brother is the lucky one in the family. He got the Irish good looks and luck. He wins at football and casinos. I have to work for a living.

So I was pleasantly surprised to hear that I had won an iPod! I’d been beta testing for Mister Wong, a very cool bookmarking site that has until recently, only been available in Europe. I was a beta tester for the English version which was recently released. When the testing period ended, I won an 8 GB iPod Nano, a Mister Wong polo shirt and a bag of very silly buttons.

I arrived at the Post Office to nab the goods graciously accept the package. The postal babe went to the back and came back with a package two meters wide, addressed to a man named Khalil. “Not looking familiar?” she asked. “Well, no. It’s an iPod. I was expecting a smaller box.” She had looked at the street number but not the street name. Frightening.

I finally won something. Go me.