Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

1. Irish Werewolf Hound
2. Deep Sea Water Spaniel
3. Van Helsing Terrier
4. Doberman Butt Pincher
5. Sex Toy Poodle
6. Cocktail Spaniel
7. Russian Yeti Hound
8. Jerry Springer Spaniel
9. Car Jack Russell
10. What breeds would you like to see?

With assistance from the lovely Natalie

Natalie and I were discussing how every decent sized city has certain businesses with the same name, that are not franchises. No matter where you go (at least in the North American continent), you are likely to find these. Please add any I’ve missed, particularly ones outside this continent.

1. A night club called Asylum or Sanctuary
2. A First Baptist Church (unless you consider Baptists to be a franchise)
3. A Chicken Shack
4. An unexpected place to find live bait (Ex. Milly’s Ice Cream and Bait Shop)
5. A fake Irish pub run by Italians
6. A sports bar called Woody’s. Inevitably, it will be the largest and most annoying bar in town.
7. Novelty Shop that sells lingerie
8. A Dew Drop Inn
9. A bar called the Brass Tap
10. Which ones did we miss?

As made up by Davezilla

Aries: Your enthusiasm and boundless energy will be appreciated at work, especially during that important meeting. That is, until you get the church giggles and wet your pants.

Taurus: Taureans prefer to take things slow and steady. Today’s continued heat-wave will see you falling asleep shortly after touching yourself to naughty pictures. The janitor reports you to HR.

Gemini: You will finally get that letter you’ve long been waiting for: the RIAA is indeed suing you for downloading illegal MP3s.

Cancer: Mommy sends you new PJs with duckies and flowers on them. You wonder if that’s allowed on the dress code, but decide to throw caution to the wind and dress them up with a nice pumps of pumps. This goes for the female Cancers, too.

Leo: Male pattern baldness is nothing to be ashamed of. Except you’re a woman. Be ashamed.

Virgo: You can stop cleaning everyone’s desks. Really. Cut it out.

Libra: Typical of your sign, your good looks are noticed and you are once again asked to star in a movie. This time, you stand your ground and demand that they not get any in your eyes.

Scorpio: Not much going on, which is nice for a change. Amuse yourself by stabbing flies with a No. 2 lead pencil.

Sagittarius: This is the day. You finally look into medical help for that little “difficulty in bed”.

Capricorn: A shitty day. Another intern reports you for upskirting them with your cameraphone and some liberal fucktard has torn off your Bush bumper stickers.

Aquarius: That hottie at the coffeehouse notices you and asks for your number. Foolishly, you assume they want you to fix their PC and tell them to fuck off.

Pisces: Today is just like yesterday: spent in a fetal position, blotchy-faced and crying to yourself. Your boss politely asks you to stop doing this in the foyer.