Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

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1. Those puckish Weasley twins cast Fentwigg’s Ever-Growing Erection Spell on Harry, getting him expelled.
2. Malfoy decides he can make a fortune selling magical strains of marijuana to the muggles. He runs a cartel of Dementors and lives in a mansion in Bogota, Columbia.
3. Hagrid is caught in a compromising position with a hippogriff and subsequently fired. Their monstrous offspring return to tear the school apart, leaving only a few shaken house elves alive.
4. Seamus decides to spill the beans about Hoggwarts to the muggle press. He sells Nearly Headless Nick to Disney for US $14 million. Nick quickly becomes the number one attraction in the Haunted Castle.
5. Ron Weasley gets really drunk at Hogsmeade and wakes up in bed with Madame Rosemerta. She now keeps him as a slave in the dungeon of her pub. He answers to the his new sub name, “Miss Ronnie”.
6. Luna Lovegood becomes the new Barbie spokemodel and marries Justin Timberlake. Their twin children become geniuses and cure cancer by age 7.
7. Professor Snape becomes a stage magician in Vegas. He grosses over $90 million a year. For his greatest stunt, he makes David Blaine disappear. Permanently.
8. Harry’s owl is shot by a poacher. The act is captured on home video and quickly becomes the #1 video on YouTube.
9. Hermoine decides, “Magic is rather stupid” and shacks up with a abnormal psychology professor in Maine. They have 2 children, a cat and lead ordinary, muggle lives.
10. What spoilers would you like to see?

Also, I just wanted to extend a welcome to all the new visitors I have been getting in South Africa. Pretoria, Johannesburg, Pinetown, Bellville, Cape Town and Durban. Hello!