Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

Special Guest Author: It’s Me Maven

1. Kokigami: Performance Enhancing Adornments for the Adventurous Man
2. Ouchy the Clown
3. Brief Jerky!
4. Karate guy craps his pants [Video]
5. The “Man Mitt”
6. Rent a Dildo [NSFW]

1. As the jogger passes you on the sidewalk, tear a strip of cloth quickly and see if they stop to check their pants for rips.
2. Hide in the bushes of a quiet street with an airhorn.
3. Hold up a score card as they pass you with a very low number. Act disappointed.
4. Run out in front of the jogger, wildly flailing your arms and scream, “My God! The bees!”
5. Hold up a wanted poster. Look back and forth between the poster and the jogger. Scream, “That’s him! He’s getting away!”
6. Have one person squirt them head to toe with diluted glue. Than have a clown chase them, showering them with confetti or feathers.
7. Throw hot macaroni and cheese at them. Everyone loves macaroni and cheese!
8. If you have no mac and cheese handy, toss a few ferrets. They’re wiggly and fun.
9. Chase them down, reciting Dixie Chicks lyrics loudly and with feeling.
10. What are your ideas? Do share with the rest of the class.

Posts have been sporadic lately. Granted, by most blogs’ standards, I am pretty punctual. I’ve missed nine days this year. Not bad. But not what I planned this site for. I remember in 2000, I used to post up to four or five times a day. I want to get back to that.

Part of it’s my crazy travel schedule for work. Part of it is that I am now a senior vice-president at the agency, so I have a lot more responsibilities. Part of it is a trap I got myself into. By always putting a video and link of the day, I have often waited hours to post, looking for something funny by someone else to post, and that’s not fair to you (or me).

So I’ve come to a decision. There are 10-12 of you that regularly send me links and videos. I thank you and I will continue to use them, but I will no longer slavishly look for links and videos, myself. If I get them great, if not, the post goes up anyway, and no longer at just midnight EST only. I need to be more spontaneous and post when it strikes me.

I want to spend more time writing, taking pictures and drawing cartoons. And dammit, more anagrams! Some of my older readers remember some of the esoteric things I used to do, like make the titles into puzzles, have the first letter of each sentence spell out something funny, etc.

Those days are back.

Boyfriend: “I didn’t know umbrella was a five syllable word in Detroit.”
Girlfriend: “Duh!”

I know. I am a bad influence for giving beer to an underage kitten. Sue me.