Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

Image via the Unknown Soldier Beetle

1. Mountain Gorilla Fresh
2. Rainy Dog Fur
3. Breezy Cheeses
4. Gym Locker Fresh
5. Chernobyl Springtime
6. Bacterial Orange
7. Junkyard breeze
8. Sowheto Morning
9. Durian Orchard
10. What scents would you reject?

Image by Aunt Stacy

The next time you have sushi, and have a large cut on your finger, avoid touching the wasabi. Over the years, I’ve severed my thumb, been stung by a disenchanted lionfish and fallen down a flight of marble steps on my head. They pale in comparison to this. Sixteen hours later and it still feels like God stuck fire ants under my skin with orders to kill.

Art Director: “So… where do you work?”
Me: “I’m in Digital. I work on social media. I do ethnographic analysis of blogs, metaverses, wikis, that sort of thing.”
[ pause ]
Art Director: “Oh. So, you make Webs?”

Starbucks Customer: “I want a late coffee, please.”
Barista: “Excuse me, a what coffee?”
Starbucks Customer: “Late coffee.”
Barista: “OK, that one I haven’t heard before. Can you describe it?”
Starbucks Customer: “Oh fer Chrissakes, It’s on yer goddamn menu up there!”
Barista: [ Looks where woman is pointing ] “That says latté, not late.”

Biker: “You sure wear a lot of white. Like every damn day.”
Me: “Well, yeah. I guess I do.”
Biker: “Where you work at? A hospital? You a orderly?”
Me: “Oh no. I work at an advertising agency.”
Biker: “And they make you wear white every day? I would fucking quit.”