Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

These didn’t work last year or this year. Don’t try them next year.

1. When you said you wanted me to meet your mother, I knew in my heart you were special. Is she up for a three-way, as well?
2. My hulking, little love buffalo.
3. Your hips are like two enormous wetlands, teeming with wildlife.
4. You’re like a star. An imploding, White Dwarf star.
5. Your lips are crimson; like the radial blood spatter of a fatal car accident.
6. I love when you make that honking noise in bed.
7. You, my love, are brutish.
8. When I said you had a beautiful body, I was referring to the dead one you keep in the meat locker.
9. Wild, rodeo midgets couldn’t drag me away from you. But it might be fun if they tried. That sounds kinda hot, actually. Do you know any?
10. Your slim legs, those full, red lips… But I digress, how much did you say the Girl Scout cookies are?

Normally I don’t reprint email, respecting the privacy of my readers and because I have better things to do. However, when I am specifically requested to reprint said communiqué by none other than the Sultan of Cleveland, well, what can one do? I give you, unabridged, yesterday’s fan mail:

Dear Mistre Dave Zilla,
I know your real name sin’t ZIlla it’s Linaburty so I address you by your real name, the name you gave yourself. it is m9ore poewrful than nay amulet . Nay, more powerful than a +3 sword of Enchantrment!!Lissen I love your sight, It cracks me up every day at work and my girlfriends love it to. I have 3 girlfriends now, did I tell yuou? I rock so hard.Can’t touch this. That’s because how I role. I know you will want to print this emaile because it’s funny and so everyone will link tyo my blog. UH OH SHOOT DARN!!!! I didn’t make a blog yet. I will tho just you wait.I love Mandy and if she will go out with me I will kick out my other 3 girlfriends,. No wait she can be the 4th!! Yes!!!!!1!! +4 Elfin Chain Mail in da hizzy.Sorry to bug you all the time but sionce I am your hero I can do that HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

you could be wrong i could be right,
Yours in Dung,
The Sultan of Cleveland

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