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Loans - Flights - Loans - Credit Cards
YAY motivational posters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8) 8) 8)
Jerry and Marcia were ever so excited! They bought the inexpensive WebCam from a guy on the park, they stopped at the lingerie cart (’just like they sell at the Airport in Des Moines!’), and grabbed a bottle of Sunflower Seed Oil — the best personal lube for reducing skin friction burns, and tastes OK, too — and signed up for internet (’33K modem, just as fast as the newest ones! Yep, they stopped making the best in ‘99!’). They had Marcia’s Mom take a suggestive picture (’Really, Mom, this is just a snapshot of how happy we are together! Clothes? Why, we are so happy, clothes don’t matter that much! Why, I did put on a nice top — All the girls at work wear this kind of thing all the time, really cool in the summer heat. Oh, just take the silly picture! No one will see it but us!’). They cleared the bathroom, the bedroom, and front porch of all identifying papers, anything that wouldn’t suggest ‘adults having fun’, plugged in, and waited. They checked the ‘WebCams for Adult Fun ‘R Us’ account. Marcia took another shower, Jerry scratched while no one was watching (their first return hit — the webcam on Jerry & The Itch, sigh). And they wondered.
And waited.
Two months of sitting at home, they realized their dream of quick cash wasn’t getting off to a fast start. They only really drew an audience when Jerry’s German Shepherd came into the bedroom to play with Marcia, and that one time little Stephanie from next door (’Really she is of age, or will be in another six (6) or seven (7) years!’) came to visit kind of in the middle of things. And besides, Stephanie showed them that taking the plastic wrapping off the mattress reduced the crinkly noises for the camera. Jerry was surprised at first, and somewhat disappointed, when frolicking with Marcia lost that ’special touch’ — right when Stephanie took Barney (the German Shepherd dog) for a walk. Once Stephanie and Marcia explained what changed, Jerry shook his head. ‘Oh. Well, I guess we should watch out for that next time, huh?’
Stephanie’s suggestion they might trim some hair surprised the Online Couple Next Door. And they lost half the hits they did get that week, after shaving Fluffy, the neighbor’s bunny rabit. Stephanie got pretty pissed when she found out. That scene brought traffic back to their web site.
But, still, 5 regulars didn’t seem like a fast ticket to moving on up with the Jefferson’s. Maybe they should ask Marcia’s Mom about showing little Stephanie how to groom the dog…
One boob in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Welcome to the biggest boobs contest. Please cast your vote now for either the pair on the left or the one on the right.
Erm anyone else wonering what his other hand is doing?
A the father of a daughter, my worst nightmare come true ……… get you ‘effin hand offa her boob you bozo or I’ll break it off and ahove the fist up your ass,,,,,,,,,and YOU missy, get over here so I can knock some sense into your empty little head ………and WHEN I’m done, your momma wants ro have a word with you. ‘Nuff said.
If you really want to scare yourself and see the entire picture, click on the one above. Don’t say I didn’t wartn you.
MY EYES, MY EYES! And I was warnt, waren’t I? Dave is that some of that woo pig sooey go hogs arkansawyer lingo? :P
I like the title of this one Self Respect - It’s what separates us from the neighbours
In this case, all too true.
Thanks for the editing job Dave.
American Gothic redux. Eat your heart out, Grant Wood.
I could have sworn that it was a big f*&king chain link security fence and two snarling pit bulls that separated me from the next door neighbors. Sorry man, but my self-respect is not enough to keep that leg-humping nekkid freak out of my front yard.
Marcia was so excited! She had met this guy (was his name Jerry? Gary? Dick?) at the Stumble Inn last night, let him buy her a beer, and even got him to drive her home. And when her folks arrived this evening, he was still here!
Marcia dragged (let’s call him Jerry, at least until he wakes up and remembers his name) Jerry onto the porch to meet her folks with the preacher. They would be married in just minutes, and her Daddy could put his shotgun back in the car (he almost never even loaded it for these impromptu weddings). Now Marcia could be actually married, like her eight (8) sisters and 3 of her children’s daddies!
What’s really scary is that’s her dad…
Seems like a Satisfied (Although Mentally Impaired, Hammered, or Both) customer of the West Virginia River Gulf Brothel and Photo Hut.
Yee Haw. You get a Free “Pizza for One” with every Hooker Order.
hmm… yep definitely her dad
oh god i just looked at the whole picture.
not cool
Re 9 & 11
Duh I did not realise I could click the image to get more…
Now I was warned yet I still clicked it and close up that guy is even scarier. It is nearly my bedtime here in blighty England, I am now expecting nightmares…
Sorry about that.