Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

No matter how good an idea it may seem at the time, do not reheat grilled cheese in the microwave oven at work more than once.

Make your own fake tickets with the Concert Ticket Generator. Link via James B.

Coworker: “Dave, can you look at this Laser printer? It’s broken and I can’t find IT anywhere.”
Me: “Yeah, what’s it doing?”
Coworker: “Well, {other coworker} sent a color file to this printer but this is a black and white printer.”
Me: “So?”
Coworker: “Well, you just can’t do that!”
Me: “Yes, you can, and it’s just out of paper.”
Coworker: “…”

Coworker: “I don’t want to print out this PDF.”
Me: “Why not?”
Coworker: “My monitor doesn’t have that much toner.”

Coworker 1: “We can’t use Pantone colors on the website.”
Coworker 2: “Why not?”
Coworker 1: “Because there’s no ink on the Internet.”

Coworker 1: “My PC won’t boot. Do you think I have a virus?”
Me: “No. I know for a fact you don’t.”
Coworker 1: “Why won’t it boot?”
Me: “It’s unplugged.”
Coworker 1: “OMG, who would do such a thing?”

What do your coworkers do?

1. Bacchus dug the high life
2. Erisichton said, “Olympus is dead”
3. Neptune held wet t-shirt contests
4. Amphitrite’s dolphins were tuna-safe
5. Achilles had a bum heel
6. Orpheus was bitch-slapped by girls
7. Ulysses stuffed seamen with wax
8. Castor and Pollux were clones
9. Gryphons were cheap, gold-diggers
10. Argus was full of ship
11. Hector gave the Greeks heck
12. Priam let the bastards in
13. Paris nailed Menelaus’ wife overnight
14. Eris made those bitches jealous
15. Venus let her girdle down
16. Ajax cleaned the battle fields
17. Circe turned men into pigs
18. Calypso partied with the boys
19. Prometheus stole Jupiter’s cigarette lighter
20. Midas turned his dangler gold