If God used office supplies…

31 March, 2006 Latest: Ace, Elektra, Dar, Kinyou, brianne,

If God had office supplies

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  • Today is: National Clams On The Half Shell Day

66 comments:

  1. Master Solace, 31, March 2006, 0:09 |  
    Master Solace

    If God used office supplies…he wouldn’t have left a paperclip on your doormat(or maybe IT WAS an act of God…telling your neighbor to do it…and an act of someone else to leave her thong :evil:)…

     
  2. Mandy, 31, March 2006, 1:04 |  
    Mandy

    That’s brilliant, Dave. Spewed the wine on that one. :D

     
  3. Timmmy, 31, March 2006, 1:29 |  

    and another one:

    Jesus, Please get a haircut, from the back you look like a girl. - Pops

     
  4. April, 31, March 2006, 2:04 |  

    Note to self: Find out what “it” is.

    How on My green earth am I supposed to know what to damn if people don’t specify these things?

     
  5. Spud, 31, March 2006, 3:14 |  
    Spud

    Funny as all hell dave.

    :twisted:

     
  6. Master Solace, 31, March 2006, 3:25 |  
    Master Solace

    I like the post-it note to Lucifer about Nessie…I always wondered if He knew…

     
  7. Steppenwolf, 31, March 2006, 5:09 |  
    Steppenwolf

    Very funny Dave! Thanks for starting my Friday with a great laugh. :lol:

    MEMO:

    T.M.I.S.

     
  8. Becky, 31, March 2006, 5:20 |  
    Becky

    There goes my breakfast……….very funny…….but …..Who’s this God person? 8)

     
  9. Anna, 31, March 2006, 5:33 |  
    Anna

    Can’t wait for the next testament …. uuuhhhh sorry … installement.

     
  10. mitch, 31, March 2006, 6:08 |  
    mitch

    Excellent job, Dave. Gonna be hard to top it. Peace.

     
  11. Alex, 31, March 2006, 6:53 |  

    This was left on my voice mail: “This is God. There is no problem today I can’t handle. Let’s talk. I love you. If you have a self esteem problem go help somebody else. That wil take care of it.
    I love you enough to give you choices between right and wrong. There is no mistake you’ll make today bigger than what has already been done. I love you enough to send my only begotten son to die for your mistakes.

    I have created a day for you. I’ll make the most of it and so should you.

    With love,

    God.

     
  12. Nikki, 31, March 2006, 7:10 |  
    Nikki

    “P.S. Hell is was just a joke. LOL”

     
  13. Ms Puppet Launcher, 31, March 2006, 7:21 |  
    Ms Puppet Launcher

    “Sorry kids. I was kidding. The muslims were right about the virgins. But, I forgot to mention that they are all the same gender as you and drool a lot.

    P.S. the Scientologists will be turned into figs after Armageddon.”

    :kiss: :kiss: :kiss:

     
  14. Bob, 31, March 2006, 7:50 |  

    everybdy: Don’t make me come down there!

     
  15. Bob, 31, March 2006, 7:51 |  

    everybody, oops sorry

     
  16. Cindy, 31, March 2006, 8:04 |  

    Note to self: Next time, make my followers not take themselves so seriously! I have a sense of humor, why can’t they?……

     
  17. bhamm, 31, March 2006, 8:05 |  

    Some comments on each one of those:

    • I kind of figured the tapir was some sort of last minute rush job. You know, just to create something new for scientists to play with.
    • I think Lucifer introduced alcohol to the Scots. That way, if they ever did see his escaped dinosaur, no one would believe them.
    • If God damned a pen, would Satan get it?
    • Everything scares the Pharisees.
    • Yeah, you know the plagues, water into blood, locusts, boils… tax collectors.
     
  18. mitch smith, 31, March 2006, 8:28 |  

    From: GOD To: Cleaning crew Re: Pile of Dogshit in my office.

    Don’t worry about cleaning it up, I think (therefore I am) I’ve come up with a solution. I can shape it into human form and call it “Republican”. Of course it won’t have a soul or a brain, but it probably won’t need either.

     
  19. Bob, 31, March 2006, 8:34 |  

    mitch ,please

     
  20. Other April, 31, March 2006, 9:32 |  

    You had me at plesiosaur.

     
  21. Marcus, 31, March 2006, 9:33 |  
    Marcus

    To do list:

    1. Strike republicans, democrats, and televangelists with large mouth herpes.
    2. Ice Age 2? Got to see that movie.
    3. Boom at the creative creation dept. NO MORE platapus or dodo birds.
    4. Humans or vegetables? Which are smarter? Discussion at 10am.
    5. Ask the Virgin Mary to make an appearance in a jar of mayonaise.
    6. Make wind storm. Ask Moses to pull my finger.
    7. Take vacation. The Crab Nebula looks nice next week.

    I am a Reiki master. Please pay me 10,000 dollars and I will teach you how to lie to people and make more money. Money is not refundable. :wtf:

     
  22. Creelock, 31, March 2006, 9:36 |  

    Come on Mitch :!: Be fair :wtf: ALL Politicians fall into that catagory :sad: :P :twisted:

     
  23. Elohim, 31, March 2006, 9:42 |  

    Thanks for the laughs. World could use some more lightening up around God. I’m particularly fond of that tax collector plague. Very old school nasty.

     
  24. Paige, 31, March 2006, 9:50 |  

    To everyone- love each other. Dont judge others- only I can do that. Be nice to old people.You never know when they may beyour guardian angel. Sorry about Dubya. I let someone else make him. dont covet celebrities-they are all false idols(some more than others.)Lets all meet on Sunday. No matter where you are, I am there. Love, Your Father

     
  25. Big Cajun Man, 31, March 2006, 10:45 |  

    I’m stealing this and putting it up for my Sunday thoughts on my blog (with links back here of course). This is amazing.

    Oh, and you are going to hell for this (please hold my spot next to the flaming pile of dog feces).

    –C8j :twisted:

     
  26. Esther, 31, March 2006, 11:04 |  
    Esther

    “Hey everyone - hope you like the moosepants. They were Jesus’ idea!” - Your Lord and Savior

     
  27. MrDoug, 31, March 2006, 11:22 |  
    MrDoug

    Memos from the “Big Guy” No better way to start a Friday.

    “Today is: National Clams On The Half Shell Day ” say that is not bearded clams is it?

     
  28. Meagan, 31, March 2006, 12:07 |  
    Meagan

    God: “Hmmm. Now what April Fools joke can I pull on Bush this year?” :P

     
  29. Duke, 31, March 2006, 12:21 |  
    Duke

    Call me weird, stupid, or anything you like, but to me that is mocking God. The bible says we will be held accounable for every idle word we speak.

     
  30. tenderflower, 31, March 2006, 12:23 |  

    Note to self : send lightening bolt to the oval office.

    LMAO Mitch. I thought it was great!

     
  31. Meagan, 31, March 2006, 12:25 |  
    Meagan

    On March 31, 2006, Duke furiously scribbled: Call me weird, stupid, or anything you like, but to me that is mocking God. The bible says we will be held accounable for every idle word we speak.
    241 will be quoted here]

    Screw the bible, I’m pagan. :twisted:

     
  32. Davezilla, 31, March 2006, 12:27 |  
    Davezilla

    On March 31, 2006, Duke furiously scribbled: Call me weird, stupid, or anything you like, but to me that is mocking God. The bible says we will be held accounable for every idle word we speak.
    241 will be quoted here]

    Thanks for playing! We have some lovely parting gifts for you. Next contestant, please…

    BTW, I wasn’t idle when I made this. I was also eating vegetarian chili, IMing Nikki, watching Blade II and finishing wireframes.

     
  33. mikeB, 31, March 2006, 12:33 |  
    mikeB

    Hey Satan! Watch this. I’m gonna shake the ant farm again. :twisted:

     
  34. Becky, 31, March 2006, 12:53 |  
    Becky

    Look out kiddies we are gonna burn in freakin’ hell!

    Get a life …..if “God” can’t take a joke then why did “he” invent laughter??

    ….tho I don’t believe he did :P

     
  35. cbatdux, 31, March 2006, 13:19 |  
    cbatdux

    Cracked me up.

    While I’m not a practicing….anything, I thought I’d share this. The GOD Billboards. They were creative….

    http://www.my-tgif.com/gods_billboards.htm

     
  36. Peaches, 31, March 2006, 13:20 |  
    Peaches

    Yes, I know God has a sense of humor……..after all, look at some of us. I bet He’s up there laughing at some of us right now.

    And do you know what He said after He created Adam?…………..I can do better than that.

     
  37. Davezilla, 31, March 2006, 13:29 |  
    Davezilla

    On March 31, 2006, Peaches furiously scribbled: Yes, I know God has a sense of humor……..after all, look at some of us. I bet He’s up there laughing at some of us right now. And do you know what He said after He created Adam?…………..I can do better than that.
    249 will be quoted here]

    Yeah, we were pretty much the rough draft.

     
  38. Bob, 31, March 2006, 13:59 |  

    On March 31, 2006, Davezilla furiously scribbled: will be quoted here] Thanks for playing! We have some lovely parting gifts for you. Next contestant, please… BTW, I wasn’t idle when I made this. I was also eating vegetarian chili, IMing Nikki, watching Blade II and finishing wireframes.
    245 will be quoted here]

    Mr Zilla ,vegetarian chilly is great I put deer meat in mine yum.

     
  39. jsquared55, 31, March 2006, 14:01 |  

    This one’s my favorite: “Look out! God is coming and boy is She pissed!!”

     
  40. pattyk0902, 31, March 2006, 14:22 |  

    When God created man…She was joking…

     
  41. mitch smith, 31, March 2006, 14:25 |  

    On March 31, 2006, Bob furiously scribbled: mitch ,please
    131 will be quoted here]

    Peace and Love, Big Guy. It’s all good.

     
  42. Craig, 31, March 2006, 14:38 |  
    Craig

    “God here, don’t forget that i will be returning from the dead here shortly, straighten up, bitches!”

     
  43. Becky, 31, March 2006, 14:54 |  
    Becky

    On March 31, 2006, Peaches furiously scribbled: Yes, I know God has a sense of humor……..after all, look at some of us. I bet He’s up there laughing at some of us right now. And do you know what He said after He created Adam?…………..I can do better than that.
    249 will be quoted here]

    Right on sister!!! :lol:

     
  44. Randy, 31, March 2006, 15:13 |  

    Note to World Population: Come on people, why can’t you get the message. If I wanted you to convert to the metric system I would have given Jesus 10 disciples.

     
  45. Amber, 31, March 2006, 15:39 |  

    MItch your absolute hatred for republicians…..nothing to say except I LOVE YOU!! post-it notes from God too funny! :lol:

     
  46. MrDoug, 31, March 2006, 15:46 |  
    MrDoug

    Of course god has a sense of humor, how else to you explain the ratio of torndos that hit trailer parks?

    I think it was Sam Kinnision who said somethink like, look when I die, at least I know I can go before St. Peter and say, it was all a joke! But how the hell is Jim Baker going to explain watter slides for Jesus?

     
  47. Master Solace, 31, March 2006, 16:26 |  
    Master Solace

    On March 31, 2006, Peaches furiously scribbled: Yes, I know God has a sense of humor……..after all, look at some of us. I bet He’s up there laughing at some of us right now. And do you know what He said after He created Adam?…………..I can do better than that.
    249 will be quoted here]

    Only reason we ended being a rough draft is because God thought He screwed when noticed that we had 3 legs instead of 2…which was per the original plan…He did make us equal though…

    Except that when I talk to my ex there always seems to be a Biblical reference in it…she is always a pain in my side…somewhere in the rib cage… :twisted:

     
  48. Master Solace, 31, March 2006, 16:27 |  
    Master Solace

    Oops…that was supposed to be screwed up…when He screwed up…

    I think I am the screwed up one right now…

     
  49. mitch smith, 31, March 2006, 16:29 |  

    On March 31, 2006, Amber furiously scribbled: MItch your absolute hatred for republicians…..nothing to say except I LOVE YOU!! post-it notes from God too funny! :lol:
    287 will be quoted here]

    Thank you…always fighting the good fight. Peace.

     
  50. Ace, 31, March 2006, 17:01 |  
    Ace

    Satan, For the love of me, stop giving to humans bad fashion trends! Didn’t we have a talk in the 80s about this? Please get rid of these Ugg and fur boots! Not cool. The human’s only purpose for living is to enterain me but those things are distractingly horrid, I hate having to see them! Handle it. -The Big Guy P.S. Leaving the thong and paperclip on that guys porch was hilarious! Big props man.

     
  51. Elektra, 31, March 2006, 17:54 |  

    Hey meagan have you explored the similarities between paganism and Christianity? Welcome to the obvious they are the same. God is God.

     
  52. Spud, 31, March 2006, 18:35 |  
    Spud

    PANIC

    God’s little joke.

     
  53. Meagan, 31, March 2006, 22:30 |  
    Meagan

    On March 31, 2006, Elektra furiously scribbled: Hey meagan have you explored the similarities between paganism and Christianity? Welcome to the obvious they are the same. God is God.
    380 will be quoted here]

    Well of course, where did you think I got started? And, of course, I was joking.

    :lol:

     
  54. Elektra, 31, March 2006, 23:32 |  

    Ahh it’s nice when the people one speaks with are informed…if only it happened in real life. :)

     
  55. Master Solace, 31, March 2006, 23:53 |  
    Master Solace

    On March 31, 2006, Spud furiously scribbled: PANIC God’s little joke.
    385 will be quoted here]

    Hey Spud, I’ve got something for you…

    P.A.N.I.C.

    People Are Nuts In Confusion

    :twisted:

     
  56. Master Solace, 31, March 2006, 23:54 |  
    Master Solace

    definitely God’s little joke

     
  57. Spud, 1, April 2006, 0:58 |  
    Spud

    STRESS

    God’s other little joke.

    gimmie one for that Sol…

    :twisted:

     
  58. Master Solace, 1, April 2006, 1:10 |  
    Master Solace

    On April 01, 2006, Spud furiously scribbled: STRESS God’s other little joke. gimmie one for that Sol… :twisted:
    412 will be quoted here]

    okay…

    S.T.R.E.S.S.

    Stop This Ridiculous Exaggeration, Suck Something

    There, you happy…give me another one…

     
  59. Spud, 1, April 2006, 2:50 |  
    Spud

    Boils

    A septic sort of joke.

    :geek:

     
  60. Master Solace, 1, April 2006, 14:30 |  
    Master Solace

    On April 01, 2006, Spud furiously scribbled: Boils A septic sort of joke. :geek:
    429 will be quoted here]

    Okay…you want septic…

    B.O.I.L.S.

    Butt Oil, It Loosens Shit

     
  61. Dar, 1, April 2006, 21:39 |  

    This was left on my voice mail: “This is God. There is no problem today I can’t handle. Let’s talk. I love you. If you have a self esteem problem go help somebody else. That wil take care of it. I love you enough to give you choices between right and wrong. There is no mistake you’ll make today bigger than what has already been done. I love you enough to send my only begotten son to die for your mistakes.

    I have created a day for you. I’ll make the most of it and so should you.

    With love,

    God. ……….WAS POSTED BY ALEX…….^5′S ALEX!

    :kiss:

     
  62. Dar, 1, April 2006, 21:44 |  

    ^5’s Duke!

     
  63. Kinyou, 3, April 2006, 7:51 |  

    On March 31, 2006, mitch smith furiously scribbled: From: GOD To: Cleaning crew Re: Pile of Dogshit in my office. Don’t worry about cleaning it up, I think (therefore I am) I’ve come up with a solution. I can shape it into human form and call it “Republican”. Of course it won’t have a soul or a brain, but it probably won’t need either.
    129 will be quoted here]

    ROFL.

     
  64. Kinyou, 3, April 2006, 7:56 |  

    On April 01, 2006, Master Solace furiously scribbled: will be quoted here] okay… S.T.R.E.S.S. Stop This Ridiculous Exaggeration, Suck Something There, you happy…give me another one…
    416 will be quoted here]

    ROFL.

     
  65. Kinyou, 3, April 2006, 7:56 |  

    …Wow, I didn’t know that I already said something, even the SAME thing, twice in a flippin’ row. Sorry about that. I got lost in reading everyone’s posts. I’m laughing. Ha. See? K. Sorry for tripple posting. :D

     
  66. brianne, 9, April 2006, 15:52 |  

    GOD: :limp: normal satan :wang: horny satan .. YES that is actual size. get ur shit together man! im sure there are some virgin teenagers out there u can fuck!

    ~ from the big Man

    P.S. did u throw some fireballs up in heaven again?? it’s burning hot up here. please stop with the fireballs LOVE YA satan peace :twisted: :twisted: