A pigment of my imagination
When I was a young boy, I often misheard phrases. Thinking I had them down pat, I would misuse them with confidence. Hilarity ensued. Some examples:
- Pigment of my imagination
- For all intensive purposes
- wrapped in conversation
- ball-faced lie
- deja view
These aren’t valid?
I came up with this, a bit in a song by Hot Chocolate or something from the ’70’s has it’s hook sung as -
“I believe in miracles……………… you sexy thing ……….” etc etc
for years afterI heard this, I always thought it was -
“I believe in mlko’s ……………. you sexy thing……….”
milko’s …
It sounds the same, but wasn’t. Instead of “making ends meet” I thought it was “making end’s meat”…whatever that means.
As a kid I always pictured ticks as tiny ferocious carnivores (thinking it was Lion Disease instead or Lyme Disease)…..
And I still think Old-Timers soudned more appropriate than Alzheimer’s
When I was a kid, I called waffles “wobbles.”
When I was two, my mom took me around the yard teaching me the namesof different things and having me repeat them. She said, “Look, that’s called a grasshopper,” and I asked “Why?” She said because it hopped on the grass. Later, we saw another one on the guttering of the house, and she said, “What is that, Julie?’ Without missing a beat, I said, “Househopper!”
I don’t remember it ever being called anything else after that as long as I’ve lived. Also, I have never eclipsed the cleverness of that one day either, to my eternal chagrin.
Househopper! Oh, that’s just precious.
The first time I heard the word ’susquatch,’ I was mightily fascinated. However, having misheard it, I kept pronouncing it as “Sir’s crotch.”
I was seven.
Used to call Spinach … si nach. Not really, but I got to translate it somehow. The Dutch word is ‘Spinazie’ and I called it zie nazie (which you pronounce ‘Sie Nazi’, which means ‘You Nazi’ in German). I was multilingual at a young age.
Because I misread it at a young age, whenever I see a sign for MENSWEAR in a department store, I keep thinking: ‘Yes, they do.’
UB40 song ‘Ivory Madonna’ – always figured that it was ‘I’m a Prima Donna.’
In the Christmas carol Silent Night, who the hell was Round John Virgin?
Oh, don’t even get me started on this topic. I am the QUEEN of misheard phrases, even in my adulthood, and I’m sure everyone knows it. :) I mean, come on. Cat shit? (Ketchup.) Fish dicks? (Fish sticks.) London Derriere and the Menstrual Boy? (Londonderry Air and The Minstrel Boy.) Or how about John Ashcroft being so stiff-assed? (Steadfast.) I could go on forever!
You took mine.
Numbers 1,3, and 5. Oh well. However, I have one more. I used to say “supost” although everyone told me I was wrong but I still kept making the mistake. My mom would yell “suppose.”
Misheard lyrics
:lol: I love “Kissthisguy.com”
CCR : There’s a bathroom on the right — Badmoon on the rise (not mine) Siouxsie and the Banshees : I am the passive Jew. — The Passenger
The misheard Siouxsie lyrics is originally me. I could never understand what she was singing. At the time I thought she was anti-semitic. Then friends heard me sing the song and it took them a long time to stop laughing before they told me the real lyrics.
:lol:
pasgetti…sorry couldn’t think of any:(
This is going to be completely out of the blue…but I need to do this…Dave, and anyone else willing, I need your help on something. I have started my own blog(don’t worry, no competition to you at all, you are still “the Zilla”) and I have had no traffic yet…tell me what you think about it…and tell me if there is anything I can do to help it out…and I have already posted the shameless Davezilla.com plug(only thing I could think of for my first post). If you could(anybody), please lend me a hand, I’m at least trying to put out an effort on it. My blog site is mastersolace.wordpress.com. Tell me what you think and read all that you want, by all means. Thanx to all that end up helping me out.
When I was young my neighbor was “Mr. Backstrom”. I referred to him as “Mr. Bathroom” when talking to him I would say “Mr. B”
“Round John Virgin”……oh yeah, the real identity of Santa Claus…distant relative of the Virgin Mary…see who would want to be with Round John Virgin…he lived at the North Pole, in the freezing cold with a horde of toy making elf-like factory workers…they changed his identity and made his disposition that of a happy fellow…and his factory workers real elves…becasue who in their right mind would wait for someone named “Round John Virgin” on Christmas Eve. Mwah ha ha haaa!!!! Sorry, little geared-up tonight.
Other mis-speaks: Republican….really means: “Evil, Soulless Bastard” Ex-Wives….really means: “Hellish Harpy” Baseball….really means: “Steroid Engorged Thugs” Reality TV….really means: “Suck Your Brains Out Into the Toilet”
For 2 years, whenever Lex would sing Rudolph, she’d say, “Then one froggy christmas eve…”
For years I was convinced that bacon grew in a garden because I had heard my mom talking about the “bacon lot” down the block where we kids played. When I watched Charlotte’s Web my innocence about breakfast food was forever shattered.
Oh yeah, and having a few readers that show their
:boob: doesn’t hurt. 
This past holiday season the middle school choir did an audience sing along…..they wrote out the words to Frosty the Snow Man…..The children wrote “that old sick hat they found” if I remember correctly….Frosty wore an “Old Silk Hat” The audience roared.
My son sang Pizza, Jelly and Cantaloupe to the tune of “for hes a Jolly good fellow” it was priceless. He was 2, and thought those were the words because they were all good things.
Sadly, for me, instead of miracles, it was definitely meercats. I didn’t know what they were for a long time, so I didn’t understand why everyone was laughing at me. Mostly, as a small child I ran around and hid in trees and made up stories nobody ever heard, except my lone Barbie (aka Barry). What a run-in we had with the backyard grill…at the tender age of six, I was so offended when Dad told me it was a “Barbie-queue”. I told him no, that definitely wasn’t more Barbies, and if there were, “Why would they want to see all that hunky-junk?” came out instead of the more eloquent “hunk of junk” (an expression I learned from my mother swearing at our car). Aside from this…I butchered Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls often. It was the first song I learned after the alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and I took much joy in singing it at the top of my lungs like it was an opera “Look out for those Booties all year…on your marker, get set, row!” was my favourite part. I’ll have to phone my dad and find out what the complete version was; it made him cry with laughter once, I know it’s written down somewhere. He’s always threatening to bring it out and do his best rendition of it for whoever I bring home to meet him. Hence, I have never brought anyone home…
Sadly, for me, instead of miracles, it was definitely meercats. I didn’t know what they were for a long time, so I didn’t understand why everyone was laughing at me. Mostly, as a small child I ran around and hid in trees and made up stories nobody ever heard, except my lone Barbie (aka Barry). What a run-in we had with the backyard grill…at the tender age of six, I was so offended when Dad told me it was a “Barbie-queue”. I told him no, that definitely wasn’t more Barbies, and if there were, “Why would they want to see all that hunky-junk?” came out instead of the more eloquent “hunk of junk” (an expression I learned from my mother swearing at our car). Aside from this…I butchered Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls often. It was the first song I learned after the alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and I took much joy in singing it at the top of my lungs like it was an opera “Look out for those Booties all year…on your marker, get set, row!” was my favourite part of Bicycle Race. I’ll have to phone my dad and find out what the complete version was of both of them; I made him cry with laughter once, I know they’re written down somewhere. He’s always threatening to bring them out and do his best rendition of them for whoever I bring home to meet him. Hence, I have never brought anyone home…
When I was a little girl and we went to church every Sunday, the song that was used for calling people forward to be “saved” (I was raised Baptist…..still trying to get over it) was “Just As I Am”…..but the next line was “without one plea.” I always thought that it was “without one flea” and was convinced that you couldn’t get into heaven if you had fleas!
Ha! That’s why we love you, Ape Pill.
In “Stairway to Heaven” theres a line”And as we wind on down the road” . When I was a kid, I always thought that they were saying “And theres a wino down the road” And Master Solace, thats some pretty deep sentiment for a guy who has a skull as his avatar.Thats was very sweet and Alyssa is a lucky girl. I found this blog on Yahoo when I was building My Yahoo page. Maybe you should see if you cant get on there too. Davezilla is one of the first places I visit when I come online. I love this we bsite!!!!!!!!!! Davezilla Rules!!!!!!!
grassy ass-Thank You in Spanish much grass toyou-Much Thank You in Spanish dee boner-Debonair El Toro Poo Poo-Bullshit Are just a few of mine favorite sayings!
I used to say “flaucet” instead of “faucet”… until I was about 15.
cum poo ter-computer dont buzit- dont abuse it gov ment - government weed - marijuana
burba king- burger king
well my cousin saw a car and thought it was called a Booogt!! Turns out we found later that it was actually a 3000 GT!!
Where the deer and the cantalope play
pissgetti
Kiku (for cookie)
LMAO at Marcus. I thought it was batthroom on the right also. I had a friend who thought smoke on the water was slow coming horses.
When I was a kid, there was a commercial for some pain reliever that asked if you were “headachy and irritable.” One day, I told my mom that I was “headachy and irresistable.”
It’s been — at least — 40 years and she still calls me that.
From the mouth of my (then) 5-year old son Jed: “Spidashios” (for pistachios) “Countilator” (oddly appropriate for calculator) & my all-time favorite (still used by family members) - his response to my swearing as I was assembling a bicycle with poorly translated instructions: “Did you remember to follow the destructions?”
I’ll admit to #1. I had never had a use for a notary public up until a few years ago. I had only heard people say it and it always sounded like noter republic. heh. I’m sure there are more, but I won’t think of them until I use them, probably.
Annie, I like the idea of referring to Alzeimers as Sometimers Disease.
I’m almost famous for my ridiculous childhood misheard lyrics.
Mostly because I was making up another language most of the time. Here’s the most popular. Also, take note that I only stopped singing “Living On A Prayer” this way a few years ago.
Tommy used to work on the dots yoon yoon’s paid on strack
He’s down on his lug bids tuh, so tough Gina musta died of old aaaaage workin for a man
She brings home her bed for love for love.
…
Tommy cut his six string in haaaaaa Now he’s holding it, but he used to make it talk so tough mmmm it’s tough Children runnin’ aaaawaaaaay she cries in the night On Christmas, BABY IT’S OOOOOKAAAAAY someday
Ok, some from my Japanese students.
One of my relatives liked to describe things as “near misses”… “Man, that taxi nearly missed that old lady with the cane…” I’ve never figured it out, even as native speaker of English. Would that not qualify as a NEAR HIT?
Imagine… where I grew up (Newfoundland, and that says a lot), people would use the word “imagine” instead of phrases like “I would say.” Now that’s all well and good, but they would sound it out like “I—-MA-GINE.” Drove me nuts… still does.
I live in Houston for a few years and my neighbours used to say “wursh” instead of wash… that nearly caused an angina attack.
I remember reading a “For Sale” board one time when I was younger. After several minutes of reading the ads, I noticed one for “4 RADIO TIRES — USED 1 SUMMA, $25 EACH OR $100 FOR FOUR” What a bargain!
And, finally, I had a drinking buddy one time that claimed to be very into Ozzy Osbourne. While at a party at my place one night, I start playing “Crazy Train.” However, somebody accidentally yanked the power cord on the CD player right as Ozzy sang “I’m going off the…” Well, my friend, yells out the word “RIVER.” Everybody in the room nearly pissed themselves in laughter… Yes, “I’m going off the RIVER on a crazy train!”
Quite an odd lot we is, we fine feathered friends from Newfoundland…
The dishwashers at the restaurant I worked at in high school thought my Pontiac 6000 LE was pronounced “ghoolie”.
My husband calls it oldtimer’s desease… :P
When I was a kid, I had asthma pretty bad, and would have to go in to see the doctor often. It wasn’t until I was about 8 or 9 that I realized that Monster Bachbach was actually Dr. Mansbach…
The only one I can think of that I’ve actually enured public embarrassment would be when I said i was hungry and I needed “substanence” in which my employer informed me that i meant “sustenance”, who knew! My Mom has one that we laugh about every Christmas. When she was growing up (and no one corrected her until she was in her early 20’s :P) the Christmas carol…12 days of Christmas “A partridge in a pear tree” is how the last line goes, she would sing ” A partridge Ginny Peer Tree”, she honestly thought it was an actual kind of tree.
I used to think that it was “do you take this woman to be your awfully wedded wife.” Some people may think that I was right all along…
manglish.com is very funny. I screw up more than one language alot. My son used to think going to a “wedding” was going to a “wetting”. He wanted to know if we were going to shower the bride at the wetting.
mine is you bet your sweet ass percreme !!! you bet if it aspercreme, i’ve never laughed so hard in my life!!!
http://www.rahoi.com/2004/09/im-going-to-buy-vowel-pat.php
sorry that was “manguage”
My first word was “eyes.” But Mom said I go around pointing at my eyes and say, ” Ice.” Sorry, that’s all I’ve got.
Whoa, I don’t still do that! I meant: But Mom said I would go around… I am so glad it’s Friday!
One…I did make sure I gave you credit for inspiring me to start it…Two…I wasn’t pimping myself out on your site, I was merely asking for help…Three…Thank you for your…um…help…I’m no where further in my warped mind than I was last night…but I will keep trying…Appreciated, Dave.
And as for showing
:boob:, I’m still waiting for the generous 
pic donation from Peaches, but she hasn’t said anything about it yet. :sad:……..but I’m hoping soon… 
I can’t resist posting more of husband’s because he has so many even to this day (what can I say? he’s a Hoosier…LOL)
I work in a cotton warehouse where we have bales of cotton. An employee wrote down that he moved 43 “bells” of cotton
My daugher loves to point out the asspoppers in the back yard.
It took me forever to get:
1) 6 of one and half a dozen of the other, for years I would say half of one and six dozen of the other …
Sad but true…
Aw, shucks, Lays Val in Time! :)
First of all, I would like to thank Dave for this really amusing site. It was one of my options to add to MyYahoo! page. I am glad I did! I get a good laugh out of the topics up for discussion. Dave, you are a genious! :o
OK, before I make a big scene, some of the things that I used to mis-understand when I was younger: 1. Tina Turner-Thunderdome: Da Under Dome(what the %$#? is that?) 2. AC/DC-Dirty Deeds…: Thirty Knees, and the thunder’s cheap 3. Journey-Open Arms: Folding Arms(yeah, ok!) 4. Rock the Cashba-Shari she don’t like it(still haven’t figured it out! Can someone give me closure?!?!) 5. Bryan Aadams-Please Forgive Me: I only wanna make it glow(please forgive me Bryan! :lol:) Thanks for letting me share! Hope you get a laugh!
Oh yeah, I thought of something else. I don’t know if it falls under the same category, but it is funny. When referring to someone, instead of saying: “What’s his name” I say “What’s his nuts”
“What’s her name” I say “What’s her tits” 
:boob:
Try it sometime, when it is appropriate, and see what kind of reaction you get! 
Ok……..when and where?
Oscar Peterson Hospital (Osteopathic) Massive Internal Fart (Myocardial Infarction) - kinda descriptive, no? My son uses “destructions” to help me build stuff all the time.
Star Spangled Banner - “gave prunes thru the night”
When I was in high school ag class me and a couple of friends asked are student teacher (she was 30ish at the time) if she liked AC-DC, her response was, it depends on where she was at in the car it was DC and at ome it was AC, to her defense we explaned that AC-DC was a rock group we were talking about not electracal current.
send them to me…mastersolace@hotmail.com
When I was a kid, my mom would try to get my sister and I to hurry up by yelling ” On the double! “. I understood but my little sister thought she was yelling ” I’m the devil! “. she would turn white as a ghost then start screaming. It was a long time before my mom figured it out.
When my oldest child was 3, when she would see the “Grinch” on tv she would say “look, there’s the bitch”, and would also say “mom, careful don’t drive in the bitch!”
I don’t know where kids come up w/ what they say!
In “Stairway to Heaven” theres a line”And as we wind on down the road” . When I was a kid, I always thought that they were saying “And theres a wino down the road”
I am embarrassed to say that until I read your post Paige I still thougt it was “a wino down the road. Well you learn something new everyday I guess.
I used to say “I’m a human bean” and instead of “are you deaf” it was “are you death”.
On and when you take something out of the freezer your unthaw it.
ok that last line : Oh, and when you take something out of the freezer it is to unthaw it.
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