What is your kryptonite?
There exists one thing in everyone’s life that makes them shiver with fear, double over with nausea or curl into a fetal position. I have several of these bugabooos including, but not limited to:
- Clowns and mimes
- Bacon (S’OK, I’m pesco-vegetarian)
- Hummel figurines
- Sock garters
- Chinese opera
- Gauchos and skorts
- “New country”
- Czarnina
- Journey, Air Supply and REO Speedwagon
- Broadway musicals
If I share my kryptonite failings I will be exposed.
Ah what the hell…
Umpires
Puppets and those large dolls. I’m aii so uncomfortable with Priests
Pop up ads
My kryptonite… 1) Visible lip liner 2) Fake finger nails with fake French manicures 3) People who lie to impress 4) Used car salesmen 5) Tomatoes 6) Roaches 7) Small dogs that bite 8) People who just drop in and bring their children 9) Small children 10) People who are chronically late
Oh and I forgot the one that chaps my ### People who see orbs everywhere and hear EVP everywhere.
My tea maker sounds like its talking to me, too. Maybe I should sell it on E-Bay for a couple of thousand… Nah, it makes a really good pitcher of tea, so what should it matter if the voice of Satan rolls out of it everytime it perks. :P
Oh God, after number 4, I just can’t go on any further…..I need a valium now….
I can’t believe another human expressed a distaste bordering on fear of those three “power ballad” bands which I will not name again…but would also point out that solo Steve Perry and solo Brian Cetera belong in that group.
I will have to add: 1.having my nostrils pinched shut, even for a moment 2.actually smelling anything following the command, “Smell this!” 3.the mere thought of any medical/surgical procedure involving my feet, down to mere splinter removal 4.”LOL” 5.”irregardless” 6.chunks of bell pepper cooked into any dish I’m eating 7.superfluous apostrophes and/or quotation marks 8.romance novels 9.Benecio del Toro shudder 10.The Bridges of Madison County, book form. death rattle
I also am driven mad by not knowing why Davezilla comes to Little Rock twice a month, but that is not quite Kryptonite.
My FINAL tomorrow!!! And the one the day after!!! I’m sweatin’ already!
By themselves, they’re all scary. If I ever encountered anything that somehow combined all three, I would just piss myself.
Good luck Ace!….love the pic BTW! Now on to my list…. 1. Clowns 2. Women who tap everything with their artificial nails. 3. People who “run” to their cars in handicapped parking spots. 4. Bratty kids 5. Kids not in car seats 6. Yappy little dogs. 7. People who have all their kids sports shown on the magnets on their cars. 8. People who ask me about my kids hair. That’s it for now, Love you Dave!
Kryptonite… hmmm.. here is my list.
White bread.. actually makes me vomit for real.
:puke: 
:puke:
1) Face-licking dogs 2) Women with a waistline greater than their age in spandex
}}}shudder{{{
A most impressive list everyone. I can only add: 1. Clowns. Scares the bejesus out of me. 2. TV preachers. 3. Republicans. 4. Kids at the movies. 5. Boy George. 6. VH1
republicans
Simple. My multi-million dollar agency client is headquartered there. Little Rock is a pretty town, however the ducks at the Peabody Hotel are about to join this list.
Clowns and just dolls in general. People who are obssesed with their cell phones. Children who need a good ass-whipping when they throw a fit in the store and all their parents do is stand there looking dumbfounded.(Id like to whip the parents asses sometimes.) :troll:
I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.
It’s amazing how many people share the same weaknesses… maybe I could use that to my advantage when I TAKE OVER THE WORLD! HA HA HA! Sorry… the fact that it’s your personal “kryptonite” threw me into a super-villian mode for a moment there. Anyways, onto my list:
1: Coins in the mouth 2: “kewl” 3: Any stupid, rich, bit… I mean “socialite” (ex. Paris, Nicole, Kimberly, etc.) 4: Jimmy Fallon 5: Wet Socks 6: Bosses that just don’t get it even after you’ve told them 40 times
Other than that I’m fearless.
Sidenote: Many of you would be absolutely terrified in my house. It’s full of clowns and bugs. Neither of them living, of course!
OOOOPPP 3. People who lick their finger to turn a page. sorry
1.bush(makes me hurl) 2.daisy dukes(cant keep my eyes off them) 3.100 proof vodka smirnoff(cant just take one sip) 4.steak(do i have to explain) 5.football & Boxing(cant change the channel) 6.techno music, house(makes me bang my head against the wall) 7.my girl in my bed with lingerie on(flawless) 8.ruf 2001 twin turbo 4wd canary yellow(ultimate adrenaline rush 0-90 in 4 seconds) 9.american idol(what the :wtf:) 10.people who judge you cause your democrat or republican(get a clue, if you dont like it bite me, like i said before punch the sh.t out of the first person who annoys you today, you will have a great day :P)
As A self-confessed noise neurotic, the things that most make me shrivel up like a well salted slug are: Gum sloppers, gum poppers, knuckle crackers, nail biters, cell phone yellers, guffawers, excited squealers, scrapers of knives across plates in restaurants, door slammers, car revers, radio blasters, owners of incessantly barking dogs, commuters who sing along to the music on their headphones, people who weep out loud to look for attention, AM lawn cutters, parents of obnoxiously loud children, horn honkers, pompous loudmouths on airplanes, firecracker throwers, rehearsing drummers and so on and so forth ad nauseum.
Ooo! I thought of some more! 6. Having to repeat myself. I don’t know why..it just drives me nuts. 7. My coworkers that are so dumb sometimes, no wait..all the time! 8. Sunday drivers 9. People who feel the need to walk up to me (I don’t know them) and ask to see the rest of my tattoo. It’s on my chest. Good Lord, I don’t know you from Adam. Piss off! 10. The drunk dirty old men I serve beer to that ask what it would take to see the rest of my tattoo. Eek! Now this is right- Run away! Run away!
I just thought of something. I could rule all of you that are afraid of clowns. I’ve been a rodeo clown the past 3 years for Halloween. But I’m a cute clown, I even put a little heart under my eye. I scared the crap out of a coworker last year, but I understood later when I got home. I forgot to put red lipstick on my nose, so I was a noseless clown. That could be scary, I guess..
Bowell movement stench Larry the Cable Guy Vinyl Siding Top 40 radio Rap videos Condoleeza Rice Lotto players religion obesity midgets
People who think that you could identify “ADD” in a child younger than 8. Hate to tell you childhood forgetting imbeciles but we were all cracked out little monkeys when we were 6!
Same people as #1 but with the added brilliance of trying to convince someone else that their child should be “medicated” look turn your own progeny into drugged out semblances of life.
domesticated cats.
people that don’t like children. Now, I understand that so-and-so’s son Billy can be a real handful and maybe he accidentally broke one of your matched set of Ikea glassware, but so what. If so-and-so didn’t discipline the boy to your satisfaction then take it up with the bad parent but don’t dislike all kids out of turn because you love your adultness. You must really be a riot at parties. To be a child is to instinctively know how to enjoy the world.
Teachers that don’t like kids. Just a know brainer.
“Pro wrestling is fake, y’know” Yeah! I figured that out about 17 years ago, but these guys are tremendous athletes (for the most part… sorry Mick Foley) and they put their bodies on the line for my entertainment and for generations maintained in their daily lives the illusion so as not to spoil it for anyone.
People who think your being pretentious for saying “the book was better” Sorry I’m not your run of the mill American who barely deigns to read something that hasn’t been processed through msn or yahoo. I read a lot. So just maybe when I say “the book was better” just maybe 1 person out of 1000 semi-illiterates will crack the spine of 1 book this year.
19 year old kids who hate GW out of turn simply because it’s easy to hate someone born into a successful family who didn’t turn out to be a drunken rapist (Kennedy family anyone?)
That Fabian guy from filthy rich cattle drive.
correction to #5. “NO brainer” duh!
clowns, spiders, and roaches. I can’t kill spiders and roaches. I freeze up when I see them. as for clowns, I’ve told the story about why I hate them entirely too many times.
Republicans
George DUHbya
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, and sorry if I offended anyone.
Well, I hesitate to say this, and maybe I shouldn’t, but I’m not sure, but I’m afraid of making decisions. At least I think I am, but I really haven’t made up my mind about it. The whole thing scares me.
Sorry… I accidentally clicked on the “Add my comment” button. I had the cursor hovering over the button while I tried to decide to click or not. Something startled me and I clicked. Oh, I worry that I’ve done the wrong thing.
Porcelain Dolls……..
In a recent reminder to myself I realized that I had forgotten, or perhaps I never remembered. Whatever the case, I wish I could forget what I dont remember and subsequently clear my mind of no thoughts. Sounds hard but I think I can manage. Oh yea, hearing a crunch and seeing someone backing into your brand new car :x
-flipping through the channels and glancing at some horrific medical procedure i cant help but keep glancing at and trying not to pass out….. while praying somehow i never get a blunt object lodged in any crevice such as that one
-people who talk to me about god when i didnt ask them to
-elevators
-people with weeping rashes who scratch and dig at them and then touch the door knob(or anything else i have to touch) on the way out
-hearing my name whispered close to me but noone being there when i turn around
-tele-maketers (i hand the phone to my 3 year old, sweety its for you)
AND THE MOST SCARIEST ONE OF ALL…
-bills
Mine are: 1.Clowns 2. The Word “smorgasborg” 3. The phrase 24/7 or 24/7/365 4.Muscle Heads 5. The City of Croswell 6. potheads
-Those stupid little tunes that keep getting stuck in my head.
The phrase “hey ya’ll watch this”
I thought the question today referred to what scares you, not what ticks you off. Maybe I’m confused, scary.
Puppets and clowns. All I have to see is a puppet moving without assistance and I am scared wtiless.
One of our friends worked with John Gacey. THATS when I became askeered of clowns.
1.naked men 2 male porn 3 animal sex 4 inbreeding 5 ugly people 6 fat ugly people 7 girls asking me if a think a guy is hot as if i were gay and they know my girlfriend 8 people who are walking ass holes
Everyone of my daughters had to be boxed up……they spooked even me. But I HATE having to explain why to my mother…..repeatedly
I never knew so many people were afraid of clowns.
I have chased a black bear with three cubs across a field, trying to get a picture. And I’ve got three feet away from an alligator poised on the bank looking straight at me to take a picture. But what really strikes fear in me is spiders.
The most nauseating thing I can think of is going to the dentist……….did you ever notice how many times they adjust the light and go back inside your mouth. Of course they have the little covers they put on it, but it doesn’t really cover. All I can think of while I’m lying there is of all the mouths those hands have been in, and adjusted the light and now those hands are in my mouth. Gag…. I guess I am just very particular about what goes in my mouth.
Gutting any animal. Nothing quite like plunging your hands into a animal to remove it’s organs. Never fails to make me squirm. Not sure if it is the smell or if it is the feeling of the organs and warm blood oozing over your fingers. It is even worse when they are still alive….
JustJim: Creepy that people like that still exist in this century.
I take a little offense to number 6…I’ve been in the wrestling business for almost 10 years now(started when I was 13), and I have had enough stitches put in my body from the “fake” action in the ring…yeah, WWE is staged…no problem…and in almost all companies you have to pad your punches, kicks, and other impact moves(so your opponent can come back to work the following week)…but having a 300lb+ guy leap on you with a legdrop from the top turnbuckle, there is no way you can pad it…I know, it’s one of my finishing moves, and I’ve been told how much it hurts. I do thank you for your support of the business itself…we do have a lot of tremendous athletes who put their bodys on the line just to get reactions from a paying(and sometimes not) crowd.
what scares me ticks me off
Lisa has experienced “the sound of tea” !!!
Biters of silverware and Oprah. Oh, and those that insist on paying with exact change.
clowns spiders/scorpions the dark– yes i am afraid of the dark!!!! like a little sissy mean people violence– especially when it is aimed at me!!! being totally alone forever my kids growing up and hating me the creepy guy in the store that just seems to follow you around and when you stop he just seems to stand closer and closer…. and then follows you out the door and coincedently he is parked right next to you!!!!! shudders lock your doors, light a cigarette and check your pants and make sure they are still clean!
Ok I think I’ve bitchec enough for now oh u got a cute ass mandy and that thong adds to it. \
as for my list
One major thing that turns me into jelly, a powerless, cowering useless sack of human flesh…..
June bugs.
Coming home from the store one day, I was barred from my own house for over an hour because one got inside my screen porch. The milk went bad before I could bring myself to kill it, and that was the single most courageous thing I have ever done in my life to date.
in no particular order…
Thanks Becky!
Mine are rather fundemental for any man..
And now for something completely different… http://www.thejohncleese.com/Broen-and-Ruth-Wuz-Here.html
And by the way, Mandy, as much as I appreciate your bringing back the old icon, I can’t stop thinking about them 34b’s…
please? oh please? 
Being a songwriter and musician, much of my kryptonite can be found in tremendously awful but catchy songs that are sheer fudge for thought.
Sometimes it’s the tone of the singer, say the smart-ass vocal delivery of Edie Brickell with “What I AM” I know what I know (If You Know What I mean). It’s also a vocal delivery she uses quite often; probably that way even when she asks her significant other to throw out the trash.
Sometimes what gets me is polly-annie sappy material: “Chucky’s In Love.” Thank you RICKY LEE JONE’S, Your chorus makes me want to turn sniper. No one is that upbeat and sweet and why would you be so happy about somebody else being in love?
Now that I think about it, female singers are better at annoying songs, my kryptonite. One of the most depressing songs to my mind is Heart’s sell-out tune, “These Dreams.” This 80’s big-hair production shimmers with glossy whine. Such a song repels me to the utmost.
Perhaps such a song inspired the entire cannon of Bon Jovi’s song catalogue. To call it shit would demean feces. His albums were number one in numerous countries in the world, revealing the fact that white trash taste isn’t limited to America.
It could only be worse if I was approached by a girl wearing black T-shirt with coyote art howling at the moon, listening to Bon Jovi in her rusted out Camaro while smoking generic cigarettes. “Hey, wanna go to Walmart?”
:troll:
Alot of mine have been covered already….Shaun #7 JFly#4 Rap is NOT music!!!!! :( infomerrcials People that don’t EVER shut up Scamper#6 Pee-Wee Herman Mandy #4 People who say you should do this with you hair/make-up… By the way Marcus what is your pic from? i’s driving me crazy trying to remember where I’ve seen it at before.
People who leave their kids in the car by themselves while they are shopping :x
:x
dammit man, ye stole my routine! (I think, well, maybe not). OK, no wait….
Is it me, or did this list morph into the “things I hate most” list, rather than the krytonite thing….
Chocolate/sweets - can’t pass it up.
1.people that say “huh” more than once 2.stupid questions ( if i have a sling on do you really need to ask if i broke something) 3.most little kids 4. parents that cant tell there kids to shut up 5. christians that get mad at me for saying jesus christ 6.preppy rich people who act like they have no money and there from the ghetto. 7. people that buy already ripped jeans for more than 20 dollars (there only worth like 5 dollars 8.people that think there smarter than you while they continue to say stupid things 9. most people 10. anarchists
I like that Ricky Lee Jones song.
Chuck eee’s in lo…ove Chuck eee’s in lo…ove Chuck eee’s in lo…ove
Oh before I forget again, that duck soup recipie turns my stomach just reading about it.
maybe that qualifies as a kryptonite.
My kryptonite: 1). those ” scariest video ” reality shows where they show a video of a kid getting hurt. Ever since my son was born, those give me cold chills. 2).The sound of a fork scraped accross teeth. 3). Wiggles songs stuck in your head for a week. 4). hot potatos, cold spagetti, & mashed bananas
In case you couldn’t resist clicking on the COFFEE POT GHOST and have now found yourself humming that infernal tune, here is the original by the Ink Spots.
I hate, hate panty hose. They freak me out, and the sound of someone scratching their leg while they have a pair on makes me want to THROW UP. I have no idea why, either. Also, I’m afraid of rabies. Not that I have come into contact with it, but bats always fly through my house… I think that’s why I ‘m so scared of it. Isn’t it the worst sounding disease ever? One more thing: Holly Rollers. Religious crazies who speak tongues and stuff. shiver
I hate pantyhose on women, too. Tights
Stockings 
:wang:
Bare legs 
:wang: 
Pantyhose 
Clowns and dolls of any sort - they give me the creeps The dark Not using turn signals while driving or kids not in seat belts People asking your opinion and then they get pissed when you answer honestly Control freaks who want to run your life Monkeys Bush Telemarketers People who think everyone else is !#$#$ up, except for them Fake boobs People who paint a toilet a gosh awful purple color and chain to a tree in their front yard - not kidding seen it today on my way to work Someone with tatoos from head to toe Asking me if I’m a midget or dwarf because I’m short People spitting or blowing bubbles from their mouth while their talking
I better quit while I’m ahead - I could go on forever
My kryptonite comes in various colours:
First of all, GREEN:
It’s that power outage that occurs just when you go to save your work…
Second, RED:
Tables in HTML. feh. Use DIV’s and CSS, much tighter control
Third, and most worst, GOLD:
Current gf/fb/sp who just before approaching that precious moment in full-action motion… asks, “Do you love me…?” it’s enough to …
A Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick The tears of a clown, unless they are tears of pain. Then I’m all about it. Forgetting to turn off my cellphone in a movie after chiding someone else for it.
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION Dave I know this is a humer site so I ask that you forgive me for posting the following. I am a truck driver, this mornning a 68 year old grandmother pulled out from a side street in front of me to make a left turn onto a very busy two lane hwy. to go northbound, she was either trying to beat the string of traffic approaching going northbound or she somehow just did not see me coming. In a fraction of a second the crash was a square on T bone. She { Charlotte } did not survive.
Though I am quite shaken and upset by this and feel immense pain and sorrow for her and her family I felt I must make this post to make the following plea.
Even if you { anyone and everyone } dont like trucks and or truck drivers please remember that we are and always will be out there, beating a string of traffic or just not wanting to be behind a truck is not worth your life. Remember your family and the devastation the loss would have on them.
I ask that you all forgive me this grim post, and whatever your religion please say a prayer for Charlotte’s soul and her surviving family members.
To HomerRules
Please RESPECT semi’s and thier size , Don’ t fear them , Share the road with them.
Oh, and #4.
Duke’s avatar scares me.
Yes, yes, yes. Except number one. Change Indiana to Boston. Oppps we didn’t see that blizzard coming. Sorry
Driver, I am so sorry. I know you must be devastated! I know how I hate to be behind a truck, and I also know how hard it is for them to stop if you pull out in front of them. I will pray for Charlottes family and for you too! I know it is hard for you. I have had truckers in my family so I know where you are coming from. Take care Driver, the country needs you! And everyone please pay attention on the road.
spiders,dolls that can move there eyes or that can talk……and people that think they’re kitchen appliances are gateway’s to the dead
Sorry, Driver…I can’t imagine how horrific this must be for all involved. My husband drove a semi in the city, until one day a teenaged mother with a baby stroller darted out in front of him in a hurry to cross the street on a rainy day. Fortunately he missed them by a few inches, but my husband was so shaken by what could have happened that he switched careers. Growing up near a busy street, my father drilled this into our heads: Trucks cannot stop on dime the way cars are able to…always give them the right of way.
Those who have to correct every mis-spoken, mis-pronounced, or mis-taken item that someone may put forth in error.
(Did you mean Pete Cetera of Chicago fame, Dave?)
Crap…er, I meant Brenda.
Oops…Belinda.
okay. Nuff of that.
To PEACHES & JFLY
I thank you for your compasion and understanding , God Bless.
And now on a lighter note , wiskey for me and beer for my horses ….. oh wait I have no horses so……… wiskey for me and beer for me tooooo .
Several Things already mentioned.
Thongs on men!!!! All those hairy asses … and their equipment almost falling out …. while they actually have very little equipment …
:limp:
1) The squeeling of tires and breaks -strikes fear into my heart everytime, was in an accident in 1994 and the sound never ceases to bring back a flood of emotions and panic
2) A ball (Basketball, soccer, whatever type) rolling into the middle of the street and seeing a child start to run after it
3) Lovebugs (yes the actual bugs not Volkswagons) it’s a long story for a different day
4) I to am adding my name to the extensive list of those that are creeped out by clowns
5) When the phone rings in the middle of the night
6) Any image of Charles Manson - Gives me the heebie-jeebies just picturing those cold, remorseless eyes.
I have pretty well creeped myself out for now, think I will go walk down a dark alley to make myself feel better…
I thought of more: That creepy music from the Halloween movies Wadded up paper, or paper towels/tissues- even my own, I just can’t touch them!
Moisture on the seat in a public bathroom. Is it piss? Just water splash? Does it matter? Because now it’s on your ass, and that is enough to bring out the Howard Hughes in anyone.
Sitting in a recently vacated seat (like in a restaraunt or theater) when it still bears the residual heat of its prior occupant
I want my mommy now, thank you!!
People who wear coats about 3 sizes too small for them…
People who add lawn accessories to their cars. I saw a Chevy Cavalier the other day with LAWN EDGING pop-riveted along the bottom of it to look like an aftermarket aero kit. :o
People who yap on cell phones…
People who take a crap and twiddle with their Blackberry at the same time…
People who ask to try on underwear at WalMart and argue with the lady outside the dressing rooms when they are told that they cannot try on underwear…
The phone ringing right after you just smoked a fat bowl…of ..um.. tobacco. yeh tobacco…thats it.
I want to mention:
Driver, you have my condolences.
and also: Schoolbusses can’t stop on a dime either, and if they do stop quick, as many as 50 to 60 kids get thrown against the seatback in front of them.
Blend the flour into the sour cream, then slowly mix into the blood-vinegar mixture. Just what kind of soup is czarnina, anyway? Douche Soup?
French manicured TOENAILS. Blrrrgh.
The moldy ball sweat smell of the YMCA mens locker room
:puke: 
YOU!!! NO JUST KIDDING!!! but seriously we don’t have enough time. 1. clowns 2. toys coming to life and killing me.
3. cabbage of any kind even raw
Can someone explain clown phobia? I mean, I’m not gonna decorate the house in clown decor or anything, but why are so many people afraid of them?
1.Snakes! Any sort! I know some are harmless but they creep me out! There is a problem with anything that has NO legs and can run faster than I can! 2. My son disapearing/kidnapped 3. That phone call in the middle of the night 4. Extreem heights 5. Driving in the lane next to a semi (I had a driver merge into me because he fell asleep behind the wheel. It scared me to death, not to mention beat me and the car up pretty good) It just really makes me really nervous. 6. Demonic possesions (the movie Excorsis I and II sacred the crap out of me) 7. Being completely alone in a dark room in silence I guess that’s all for now. Gives me the heebeejeebees just thinking about all of it.