Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

46 comments:

1. Spud, 2. March 2006, 1:34
   

   What exactly is a ” Purple Specialized RockHopper”

   Funny how that actually looks like a book cover.

   And if I may, if person 1 is on to person 2, why advertise the fact.

   

    
2. justjim, 2. March 2006, 3:49
   

   I had a rock hopper once… long long ago… and the only thing that ended up purple was me… and blue… and black… and often red…. let the thief have the damned thing, you’ll live longer!

    
3. Lung the Younger, 2. March 2006, 4:01
   

   Why do I get the feeling that the town in question has a population of 800 and that they’re all cousins?

    
4. Anna, 2. March 2006, 5:13
   

   Us foreigners want to know what a RockHopper is.

    
5. marcus_learn, 2. March 2006, 6:01
   

   Oh Anna, I am not a foreigner and I want to know what one is. It may be a bike that jumps rocks? It seems as though it must be expensive otherwise he/she wouldn’t have made the sign. Howver, I think if the theif had been known, he would have been caught by now.

   Oh my, I used to read the books as a kid. They were a stepping stone for me. From them I became interested in reading books like ‘Friday’, ‘The Swiftly Tilting Planet’, ‘The Mote in God’ Eye”, and my favorite “Dune.” It was interesting to remember those chose your own adventure books. The rejected book titles are

    
6. mitch, 2. March 2006, 6:41
   

   Cutbacks at the Office of Homeland Security were becoming more and more glaring.

    
7. mitch, 2. March 2006, 6:42
   

   Fran, I love you

    
8. bhamm, 2. March 2006, 8:03
   

   I just want to know… if the Rockhopper was specialized, why would you get it in purple?

   (As a side note)
   WARNING: Do NOT touch that paper. The Skull and Crossbones means it’s poisonous. Or written by a pirate.

    
9. Bjorn Freeh, 2. March 2006, 8:08
   

   The purple specialized rock hopper is a rare breed of bipedal lizard indigenous to the Galapagos Islands. What makes it “specialized” is that they are the only orthopedic surgeons covered by most American HMOs. But you still need a referral from your participating doctor. Travel expenses not included.

    
10. Zen, 2. March 2006, 8:11
    

    If you google rockhopper bike, from the very first link you’ll see that the name of the company is specialized, and that they are extremely heavy duty bikes made for rough terrain riding. I believe they typically cost at least $500. Probably much more if it is a special model.

     
11. Lace Valentine, 2. March 2006, 8:23
    

    “Purple Specialized RockHopper”

    That’s one of Wonka’s candy confections.

     
12. Craig, 2. March 2006, 8:45
    

    Will post a comment later, this guy is apparently “on to me” so i uh, need to drop something off. Be right back…

     
13. Petey McPete, 2. March 2006, 9:41
    

    
    1. Specialized Rockhopper
    2. Purple

     
14. Petey McPete, 2. March 2006, 9:46
    

    Sadly, it’s not something exciting, it’s a particular make ‘n model of mountain bike, sprayed in a fetching shade.

    And yes, I know: I’m super-exciting today…
    

     
15. Geof Harries, 2. March 2006, 10:15
    

    Specialized Rockhopper – 3rd on the scale of Specialized’s 4 level mountain bike line. Entry level, good for mountain bikers just starting out in the sport.

    1) S-Works
    2) Stumpjumper
    3) Rockhopper
    4) Hardrock

    If you ride a Rockhopper, you’re typically either a beginner; someone who can’t afford a lighter and higher quality bike; or a guy who collects bottles on a bike he stole from a high school during the day.

     
16. Paul, 2. March 2006, 10:28
    

    I’m sure the perpetrator is telling everyone that the name of the bike is a Leg cycler and it’s actually Lavender. They got it from the Pimp my Bike show.

     
17. Blue Collar Mountain Biking | I’m on to you… | Mountain Bike News, Reviews, How Tos and Deals (Pingback), 2. March 2006, 11:23
     

    [...] davezilla… Bookmark on del.icio.us Email this post to a friend Ads from JensonUSA… Profile Carbon Barends$55.00Spy Targa Mx Goggles’06$32.00Easton Ea50Riserbar ‘05$24.00Garneau Ergo Sensorbib Shorts$90.00 [...]

     
18. franklito, 2. March 2006, 11:27
    

    Crack head: Someone keeps jumpin over me with some purple bike, mutha fu–er almost ran over my crack. im a f– him up if i catch him, better yet im just gonna steal his bike and get some more crack, yeah , little punk.

     
19. Craig, 2. March 2006, 11:50
    

    So, as it turns out, he WASN’T “on to me”. That sign was just a ploy to get me to stop stealing their bicycles. Son of a bitch!

     
20. DaPopster, 2. March 2006, 12:02
    

    Waaaayyyyyy more information than I really need ……..

     
21. Duke, 2. March 2006, 12:08
    

    Uh oh…looks like a lawsuit, he/she forgot the fine print disclaimer.
    

     
22. JFLY, 2. March 2006, 12:37
    

    Arkansas newspaper headlines?

     
23. laceylegacey, 2. March 2006, 12:39
    

    [Comment ID #26177 will be quoted here]

    Damn it lace get out of my head!! you keep stealing my thoughts.

     
24. logan, 2. March 2006, 12:40
    

    [Comment ID #26153 will be quoted here]

    a rock hopper is a tyype of penguin but in this case i have no freaking idea maby its a good thoughts good thoughts

     
25. logan, 2. March 2006, 12:45
    

    notice all the bad thoughts are the good ones that com from when the mind goes into the gutter.
    Bjorn Freeh, you need to get out more

     
26. mitch smith, 2. March 2006, 13:00
    

    “Old Stuff Day”….I can identify and represent.

     
27. Peaches, 2. March 2006, 13:28
    

    Mitch, you took the words right out of my mouth!!
    “Because I do have “Old Stuff”

     
28. Coley, 2. March 2006, 13:31
    

    When I first logged on, I thought it said, “purple speckled rockhopper”.
    That sounds like a new type of rainforest tree frog.

     
29. MrDoug, 2. March 2006, 14:07
    

    Oh shit what am I going to do now? You have any idea how hard it is to hide a purple rockhopper? I guess that this sign will teach me what a bad idea it was steal this muthers bike!

    All those other bikes I sold for cash so I could buy more crack, who knew that purple piece of crap would be my down fall.

    To the Davezilla list I ask for your help what the hell should I do now?

     
30. mikeB, 2. March 2006, 16:23
    

    Purple rockhopper sounds like low grade acid from the 70s.

     
31. Peaches, 2. March 2006, 16:33
    

    Forget about the Purple Rockhopper…………….
    I want to read, “Everyone Wants To Touch My Giant Snake and Jewels”
    My kind of book.

     
32. Jen (yep, me too), 2. March 2006, 17:11
    

    Since it’s been determined that it’s a bike I can safely say that he probably spent hundreds of dollars on it to ride it across campus. Oh wait, that’s what they do at Arizona State ( I can say that ’cause I went there. ) I wonder if the sign worked. Also, you all crack me up and I at least once a day because you all are freakin’ funny.

     
33. Davezilla, 2. March 2006, 17:13
    

    It is my goal to be #1 on Google for purple specialized rockhopper by the weekend.

     
34. Esther, 2. March 2006, 17:41
    

    In that case, purple specialized rockhopper.

     
35. Detroit Dave, 2. March 2006, 18:28
    

    I’ve solved the mystery. Its Master Po on the rattan with a scalding kettle. (Check the wrists of David Carradine)

     
36. poisonwisky, 2. March 2006, 20:17
    

    was told that “specialized purple rockhopper” was the original name for what we now know as brokeback mountain.

     
37. poisonwisky, 2. March 2006, 20:18
    

    thusly the i am on to you.

     
38. laceylegacey, 2. March 2006, 20:47
    

    here is another one for you Dave…purple specialized rockhopper.
    We are here for you.

     
39. PJ, 2. March 2006, 21:24
    

    extremely heavy duty bikes made for rough terrain riding. I believe they typically cost at least $500. Probably much more if it is a special model.

    Wow. Someone must do ALL their high quality super-cool mountain bike shopping at Wal-Mart.

    Yea, $500 would buy you a Specialized brand Rock Hopper from Wallyworld – but anything I’d even start to designate as ‘extremely heavy duty’, and a ’special model’ would start at $500 for the frame – not including wheels, cranks suspension or brakes. Start at about 4x that price for something that’s really up to hopping rocks on a regular basis.

    Funny sign though – I can just imagine some 14 y.o. kid coming out of his last class and finding his bike missing from the rack. Notebook paper would have torn too easily, and not been big enough – so he rips the .29 cent cover off his $100 history book and write his ‘death to all punks’ message – and probably used chewing gum or a piece of bandaid to attach it to the bike rack. Yea – I like it.

     
40. cbatdux, 2. March 2006, 21:50
    

    [Comment ID #26166 will be quoted here]

    Limit one per household. You must be 13 years of age to play rockhopper theft. Void where prohibited by Schwinn. Taxes, title and tags not included. You or a family member must not have stolen a rockhopper from DAVEZILLA in the last 30 days. Promotional considerations paid for by Trek. By stealing this rockhopper, you agreed that your name, likeness can be used in future promotional materials for DAVEZILLA or a number of other seedy (and likely illegal) marketing ploys or in a vintage sepia image in your local post office. You futher absolve DAVEZILLA, its owners, managers, staff, relatives, neighbors, assigns and roadies from any damages due to negligient use of said purloined rockhopper. Please see side of rockhopper for ingredients and nutritional values. Always wear a seatbelt.

     
41. justjim, 2. March 2006, 21:59
    

    oh here we go again……… some fool put that damned bike back!

     
42. Marcus, 2. March 2006, 22:09
    

    [Comment ID #26162 will be quoted here]

    Avast me hearties! Some land lubber is using me name in vain. If any of ye bilge rats could see ye would know tis not written by a pirate. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!!!
    http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

    

     
43. Ace, 2. March 2006, 23:12
    

    Well, it looks like the person who took the thing is in for it by the looks of the remians of some other poor bastard who wronged him. But if you’re the kind of person to post something like that you deserve to have your bike stolen!
    It looks like something a 6 year old you do.

     
44. |nSan|ty, 2. March 2006, 23:56
    

    Dear Mr. Skull and X-bones,,
    I am glad Dave found your poster, I witnessed it being stolen. It was stolen by an elite terrorist cell, and given to the leader, his name is Osama Bin Laden, and your bike has been taken to the mountain ranges in Pakistan. I hear there is a reward for him, so not only will you get your bike back, but enough to upgrade to a bigger better hopper. PS, dont bother contacting the government, you will find him much easier with out there ‘help’. Also, I would recommend you have your attorney present when you hand over Osama…or you will never see the reward money.

     
45. Lung the Younger, 3. March 2006, 3:29
    

    Just cut off the oxygen to Neil Armstrong’s spacesuit…….that’ll get you your Purple Specialized Rockhopper.

     
46. Susanne, 5. March 2006, 17:57
    

    sounds to me like it needed to be stolen….I’m guessing the bike belonged to a guy…purple? Specialized means it “fit” him to a T….musta been a banana seat. Rockhopper, i think its a subliminal message, trying to say jockchomper….DING DING DING….. HOMOSEXUAL TOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!