Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

37 comments:

1. Fran, 1. March 2006, 0:28
   

   Maybe you would have had better luck if you’d seen a licensed optometrist. I’ll bet that’s why those pesky lenses didn’t work in the car.

    
2. Fran, 1. March 2006, 0:29
   

   I mean caucasian lenses.

    
3. Anna, 1. March 2006, 3:55
   

   Why would you want to iron the inside of your shirt?

    
4. Spud, 1. March 2006, 4:29
   

   Real men iron their shirts by getting in an ironing press.

   that is all

   syonara

    
5. marcus_learn, 1. March 2006, 6:18
   

   Notes for the Single Man

   1. Don’t answer the door in your boxers unless you check the fly first
   2. Don’t scratch yourself when guests visit
   3. Buy cups, plates, and silverware because guest don’t like to drink from the bottle
   4. Only clean when it is moving all over the floor.
   5. Do laundry, oh, I forgot I pay someone to do that.
   6. Turn down the volume when you watch a porno, it seems to bother neighbors
   7. Stop ordering so much home delivery, use a plate dammit
   8. Don’t fart when guests visit, see number 2.
   9. Buy a mini vaccum to get rid of crumbs on your chest.
   10. Take the last piece, no one is looking.

   God bless stick figures, they rule.

   :geek: :puke:

    
6. mitch, 1. March 2006, 6:27
   

   note to self:
   1. Try and stop the annoying habit I have at yelling “Poof” everytime my girlfriend eats yet another piece of pizza.
   2. Get rid of my bicycle shorts. The laughter is getting too much.
   3. Mindfuck myself by watching “Fox News” and trying not to gag.
   4. Pink is really in this year, I swear.
   5. Lock and load
   6. Dance with the girl who brung me. I don’t know what this means, but my granddad use to say it all the time.

    
7. Anna, 1. March 2006, 6:52
   

   Note for the single woman:

   1. Electric blankets are NOT sexy.
   2. New tampons should not be stacked on the kitchentable.
   3. ATWT and “the Bold” are not real life.
   4. Chocolate is NOT a meal.
   5. Walking naked around the house is always a good idea. :boob: :boob:
   6. Calling your dog “you gorgeous piece of dogmeat” may give the wrong impression.
   7. You ARE from Venus, don’t forget.
   8. High heels are in your closet ….. WEAR THEM.
   9. Be prepared that when things start to sag you become invisible.
   10 And when a guy (finally) stays over …. you can’t wear your grandpa’s flannels and bedsocks.

    
8. Davezilla, 1. March 2006, 6:58
   

   [Comment ID #26027 will be quoted here]
   You know what it is? My car’s windows are already polarized, so the lenses figure they have the day off. The only reason I got them was for driving. Next time, I buy prescription sunglasses. :dead:

   Anna said:

   2. New tampons should not be stacked on the kitchentable.

   I recall once when my stepsister was 10, she set the table for dinner. Realizing we were out of paper napkins (serviettes), she improvized and set the table with … sanitary napkins.

   Anna said:

   5. Walking naked around the house is always a good idea.:boob::boob:
   8. High heels are in your closet ….. WEAR THEM.

   I like the way you think, Anna.

    
9. Bjorn Freeh, 1. March 2006, 7:50
   

   [Comment ID #26038 will be quoted here]

   Anna, “the inside of your shirt” is superfluous.

    
10. frisko, 1. March 2006, 7:53
    

    Dave,
    you might try a mini notebook and a pen so that you dont forget these things.

    lovingly

     
11. Davezilla, 1. March 2006, 8:04
    

    [Comment ID #26050 will be quoted here]
    Got one. I left it at work.

     
12. bhamm, 1. March 2006, 8:07
    

    I believe I can help you with those…

    1. Only iron the front of the shirt. That’s why they make sport coats.
    2. Sometimes that lone bottle of soy sauce is the only thing that keeps the baking soda company in your empty fridge.
    3. Don’t think I can help there… My theory is “What goes on in the server stays in the server”
    4. I have two words for you if you never want to lose your parking pass again. Duct Tape. To your suitcase, wallet, girlfriend, wherever you will be sure to look.
    5. Also, don’t forget that even though they take two seconds to darken when you step outside, they take two minutes to lighten back up when you go inside.

     
13. Patrick, 1. March 2006, 8:11
    

    Dave your prescription might change too much for this tip but when you get your new glasses take the old ones with you and have them shaded its only about 20 or 30 bucks but poof now you have prescription sunglasses this is great for kids

     
14. Anna, 1. March 2006, 8:16
    

    @ Bjorn Freeh: duuuh :kiss:
    (while saying that I feel like I’m one of those pre-pubescent big bellied girls)

     
15. Kinyou, 1. March 2006, 9:18
    

    I’m going to make a possible feebel attempt to be funny and mention a couple things too.

    Note to men looking for women but can’t seem to find them:
    1. Don’t look at their tits when they’re talking to you. Sometimes it makes the woman think you just aren’t listening.
    2. Don’t bite your lip when you’re talking to them, it gives them the wrong idea.
    3. The girl is supposed to jingle the key’s, not you.

    yeah that’s all for now.

     
16. franklito, 1. March 2006, 9:30
    

    note to self
    make sure do not leave empty condom rappers in bathroom throw out in neighbors garbage across the street. and make sure it is flushed down the toilet. dont assume. always keep extra sheets and air freshner handy at all times :wtf:

     
17. Lace Valentine, 1. March 2006, 9:49
    

    Dave,

    You should never see an optometrist in Arkansas.
    Or anything medical for that matter.
    The real specialty in that state is dentistry.
    If you have more than three teeth there you’re a wonder.

     
18. Beaner, 1. March 2006, 9:52
    

    k, obvious, but tricky all the same
    1) Don’t put the milk carton w/ 1 tablespoon of milk back in the fridge.
    2)Push-up bras are acceptable everyday {sport bras are for sports}
    3)The dog will always lick himself when company is over, so put him in the back room
    4)Always keep extra toilet paper in the bathroom
    5)Keep the gas tank at least half full or half empty, whichever ya like

     
19. mitch smith, 1. March 2006, 10:13
    

    Oops, I forgot one….tell Fran everyday how much I love and respect her.

     
20. Esther, 1. March 2006, 11:51
    

    1) Always have plenty of low-rise bikinis to go with your low-rise jeans.
    2) Be sure to keep the fridge stocked with at least 2 types of quality import beer, and one six-pack of Corona.
    3) Chocolate is ALWAYS considered a meal (sorry Anna :kiss:)

    Oh, and Dave, I tried to tell Tami about Peanut Butter Lover’s Day, but was stunned into silence by her post. :wtf:

     
21. JFLY, 1. March 2006, 12:03
    

    [Comment ID #26065 will be quoted here]

    The toothbrush was invented in Arkansas…otherwise it would have been called a “teethbrush”.

    And my teenaged son drinks the soy sauce straight from the bottle… :puke:

     
22. Duke, 1. March 2006, 12:32
    

    5. The next time you believe an optemetrist who says, Hmmm… Arkansas, was that a typo, or is that how arkansas eye doctors spell optometrist?
    

     
23. Duke, 1. March 2006, 12:32
    

    5. The next time you believe an optemetrist who says, Hmmm… Arkansas, was that a typo, or is that how arkansas eye doctors spell optometrist?
    

     
24. Duke, 1. March 2006, 12:33
    

    oops.

     
25. Bjorn Freeh, 1. March 2006, 13:24
    

    The Eyewash Station warning sign looks like hangman for those opposed to capital punishment. Or maybe it’s for taking a shower on a bus.

    I never knew that getting wrinkles out was such a pressing issue. How ironic.

     
26. Marcus, 1. March 2006, 13:26
    

    [Comment ID #26042 will be quoted here]

    But chocolate is a meal and a very good one at that
    

     
27. Nikki, 1. March 2006, 14:24
    

    [Comment ID #26087 will be quoted here]

    Word. Her post was quite shocking to view at 5am.

     
28. Steppenwolf, 1. March 2006, 15:27
    

    Back in my day we dint pay no never mind bout no stinkin wrinkles.
    Why, i member momma a-shearin Sheila an’ a-weavin an’ a-sewin a mitey fine shirt. Twernt nothin fancy but shur was purty.
    Shur made it hard a-holdin Sheila tho.
    Momma sed twas a good a-learnin of tuff luv.

    :geek:

     
29. Spud, 1. March 2006, 16:21
    

    ummmm, that picture on Tami’s site is just one big ouch!

    :dead:

     
30. Becky, 1. March 2006, 18:28
    

    Note to self:………DON’T look at everything posted! :puke:

     
31. Paul, 1. March 2006, 18:51
    

    I don’t get the link (stick figure warning signs), I’m not getting any pictures. Is that weird? :troll:

     
32. laceylegacey, 1. March 2006, 20:54
    

    All I could say to that post was :wtf:… but then I realized that this was a man from West Virginia, he was probably one the smartest ones they have.

     
33. Davezilla, 1. March 2006, 20:57
    

    [Comment ID #26065 will be quoted here]

    I don’t. I go to one in Birmingham. That’s Michigan, not Alabama

     
34. Jim Amos, 1. March 2006, 21:53
    

    No way mang, Soy Sauce lasts forever, anything older than 2 years is just a drop of vintage In addition, Honda are even as we speak preparing to launch the first soy sauce powered car.

     
35. cbatdux, 1. March 2006, 22:05
    

    [Comment ID #26114 will be quoted here]

    Arkansas – more tattoos than teeth.

     
36. Howie, 2. March 2006, 17:05
    

    I’m not sure that soy sauce spoils and I don’t know how you can tell if sour cream is sour or why yogurt has an expiration date…I don’t press shirts. If they wrinkle, either I wear them anyway (and get picked on ALL FREAKIN DAY!) or I toss em…Guess you can’t UNDELETE a folder. Sorry, I only do mainframe storage. No backup? Shucks….Why would anyone go to Arkansas? OK, it’s better than Kansas….and as far as the other comments…I’ll scratch myself anytime I want to and if someone takes offense to it, they shouldn’t come to MY house!Turn UP the volume when watching porno. It impresses the neighbors!and finally, if you are a man looking for a woman and can’t find them… how do you look at their tits???

     
37. Davezilla, 2. March 2006, 20:19
    

    [Comment ID #26230 will be quoted here]

    I can’t tell on sour cream either.
    I have to press shirts. I’m a vice-president and I have SOME pride.
    Backup, yes, but try and get an IT manager to answer email. Ever.
    Arkansas = business. Little Rock is actually a very nice town.
    Have fun scratching.