Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

1. People who can’t be bothered to flush the urinal or toilet. I have no interest in seeing what you left behind. Stop bragging.
2. Coworkers who apologize for talking with their mouths full, but then continue to do it. Makes me want to sneeze and rub my nose on their sleeve.
3. Weathermen. Useless lifeforms.
4. Coworkers who constantly talk about how much better their last job was. Then why did you leave, you glue-sniffing jackass?
5. Mothers who brag that their baby boy is 1/4″ larger than he should be for his age. Listen, I’m 6′3″. Your kid is a dust mite in my world. A hand-sized rodent that I can dropkick. He’s not big and you can’t measure. Go away.
6. Furries who insist that they are “not into bestiality”. Listen, if you like dressing like a purple bandicoot when you’re busting a nut, you are 180° from normal. I wish you a lifetime of fleas and the mange. OK, Crackie?
7. Men who see a drop dead gorgeous woman and then say, “Oh, she’s not pretty. I only find you attractive.” [cough] liar [cough]
8. People who describe their bowel movements to me while I’m eating.
9. Incompetent people who try to flatter me into doing their work for them. Tell you what. Sure. I’ll do it. Then you sign over your paycheck and compliment me on that as well. K? Thanks, sunshine.
10. Who is getting your goat today?

Image via Hobart