Angelina Jolie Facts

Posted by Davezilla 16 January, 2006 Latest: Bobby, Rachel, Nasty Boy, DaPopster, angelina lover!!,

In the vein of Chuck Norris Facts, I bring you Angelina Jolie Facts

  1. After consumation of the sex act, Angelina devours her mates.
  2. Angelina Jolie’s doctor takes her temperature with a Kelvin thermometer.
  3. Angelina can start brushfires by walking across grass.*
  4. Dolphins and whales frequently beach themselves in an attempt to see Angelina suntanning.
  5. Angelina Jolie is being deployed to Afghanistan. The mere sight of her will cause Al Qaida members to die from their unstoppable erections.
  6. Every poet who has tried to describe her lips has died from the impossibility of finding the proper adjectives.
  7. Global warming occurs every time Angelina Jolie does a shower scene in a movie.
  8. Old Faith isn’t a geyser; it’s the Earth ejaculating from the mere presence of Angelina Jolie.*
  9. Angelina’s thighs can squeeze coal into diamonds.*
  10. So can her lips.
  11. “Don’t rock the boat” does not apply to Angelina Jolie. She rocks every boat.
  12. Angelina Jolie’s lips can be used as a flotation device.
  13. After Angelina Jolie was born, 50% of the world’s hottest women committed suicide out of respect.
  14. Helen of Troy launched a 1,000 ships. Angelina Jolie slept with every one of the sailors.
  15. Marilyn Monroe died so Angelina could show the rest of the women how it’s done.
  16. Angelina Jolie taught Jell-O how to wiggle.
  17. Angelina Jolie’s pictures have never appeared on “Am I Hot or Not?” Their rating scale doesn’t allow exponents.
  18. Angelina once did her Kegel Exercises in the Pacific Ocean. The resulting tsunami left thousands of Sri Lankans homeless.
  19. Hard water is caused by Angelina Jolie bathing in it.
  20. Sex asks Angelina for tips.

*From the lovely Nikki

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69 comments:

  1. Lung the Younger, 16, January 2006, 3:19 |  

    18. ….then she adopted all the leftover orphans.

    21. Angelina Jolie’s erogenous zones can be seen from the moon.

    22. Angelina Jolie once married a really old guy which gives some hope even to dweebs like me.

    23. Angelina Jolie sweats pure pheromone.

    24. Angelina Jolie calls the Karma Sutra, ‘The Harry Potter Book of Sex’.

    25. Angelina Jolie is banned from the Vatican

     
  2. Spud, 16, January 2006, 5:22 |  

    How can I follow all that?

    Firstly I’ve got to finish playing dress ups with a paper doll…

    26. Angelina Jolie could have me if she said yes.

    :thong:

     
  3. mitch, 16, January 2006, 6:36 |  

    26. The three faces of Eve all look like Angelina…aaaahhhh!!!!!
    27. Two words in honor of Angelina…..Mount Rushmore.
    28. She puts the fun back into funny movies…
    29. If there is a God, he/she looks like Angelina.
    30. Knock, knock…who’s there….ANGELINA’S LIPS!!!!!

     
  4. Anna, 16, January 2006, 7:49 |  

    Who’s that? …….. I’ve been playing D&D :geek:

     
  5. Lace Valentine, 16, January 2006, 7:59 |  

    Mitch: “Knock, knock…who’s there….ANGELINA’S LIPS!!!!!”

    Ha ha! That cracked me up.

    Anna, real nerds play AD&D.

    :P

     
  6. Aevyta, 16, January 2006, 8:09 |  

    I’m just going to throw something out there- Angelina Jolie is the sexiest woman alive. You can hate her for her lips, or you can hate her because she stole Brad Pitt, but the truth is that we would all kill ourselves to be Angelina. (Sorry, she’s sort of a hero in this house… the one woman I don’t mind have pictures plastered all over my husband’s computer)

     
  7. Night Queen, 16, January 2006, 8:47 |  

    Sorry, I beg to differ. Angelina is pretty,I’ll give her that. But look up Gina Torres( Lawrence Fishburne’s wife) and I think you could agree that they could definitely pass for sisters—they just came out in different flavors! :kiss: — Night Queen

     
  8. Patrick, 16, January 2006, 8:48 |  

    31. Angelina sweats Jalapeno!
    32. When she was young Angelina’s mom had her baby sat by sticking her lips to the wall.
    33. Angelina could suck start a Harley. And yes I am changing my name to Harley! :wang:

     
  9. frisko, 16, January 2006, 9:23 |  

    Hey, guess what…..before you canonize Ms. Voit, let it be known that she DOES burp, fart, and poops. Now you can go back to sally and her sisters.

     
  10. Davezilla, 16, January 2006, 10:01 |  
    Davezilla

    No, no she doesn’t, Frisko. Stop lying about her. :twisted:

     
  11. Lace Valentine, 16, January 2006, 10:38 |  

    Frisko you just gotta know that Angelina lights her farts. For instance, the recent volcanic activity in Alaska. Yeah, Angelina breaking wind is major Vulcanism. :twisted:

     
  12. Nikki, 16, January 2006, 10:39 |  

    :wtf:

     
  13. Arachnae, 16, January 2006, 10:46 |  

    Haters… If you have never played D&D don’t knock it. I realise this is about Ms Jolie but you’re still harping on the past subject. I have a life, I have great sex, I have a husband, etc. PLUS I play D&D. So chill. Will ya? :wtf:

     
  14. Lung the Younger, 16, January 2006, 11:13 |  

    Aye, frisko she doth all of these things
    but let it be knownst that when she burpeth
    ‘Tis as the sultry growl of the sveltest black panther,
    and when a breeze of flatulence doth pass the pale orbs her pert nether cheeks it soundeth soft as a meadow of timid poppies applauding
    with their tender petals e’er the clamor should offend the Gods,
    and when she deems to poop
    it falleth from the gentle heavens like a turtledove
    whose heart hath been rent atwixt from love’s great sorrows…….

    ….. Oh and I’m sure Ms. Voigt knows how to spell her old man’s surname correctly too.

     
  15. Davezilla, 16, January 2006, 11:28 |  
    Davezilla

    [Comment ID #18813 Will Be Quoted Here]

    I have. When I was 12. That’s why I can knock it. :twisted:

     
  16. Davezilla, 16, January 2006, 11:48 |  
    Davezilla

    [Comment ID #18807 Will Be Quoted Here]

    I will agree that Gina Torres is way hot, but Angelina is beyond hot. She is a force of nature. :wang:

     
  17. Nina, 16, January 2006, 12:13 |  

    Can’t remember where I read it but I once read a poll that stated over 50% of woman admitted they wanted to sleep with Angelina. :D

     
  18. Bjorn Freeh, 16, January 2006, 12:17 |  

    What’s the diff between playing D&D and getting all mooshie-mooshie at pictures of Angelina Jolie? You’re more likely to score hit points in D&D!

    Unless you’re Chuck Norris, that is.

     
  19. underdog, 16, January 2006, 12:33 |  

    laughing my ass off @ lung the younger

     
  20. underdog, 16, January 2006, 12:34 |  

    read it again that shit is funny

     
  21. Lace Valentine, 16, January 2006, 13:00 |  

    Let it be known:

    I’d rather sleep with Emily Dickinson than Angelina Jolie.
    Emily Dickinson in bed would be way hotter than Angelina Jolie.

    Let it be known. :thong:

     
  22. Lace Valentine, 16, January 2006, 13:02 |  

    Than Emily and I would, after sex,
    play D&D and she’d roll the 20 sided dice
    down her boobs.

     
  23. Davezilla, 16, January 2006, 13:21 |  
    Davezilla

    [Comment ID #18824 Will Be Quoted Here]

    You do that, Lace. Dickinson’s accomplishments pale in comparison to Jolie’s. (By that I mean her lips, legs, face, figure, etc.)

     
  24. Lace Valentine, 16, January 2006, 13:26 |  

    Yeah, Dave, Emily is pale all over. :mrgreen:

     
  25. Wendy, 16, January 2006, 13:59 |  

    Hey…I once read in an interview that Angelina said that she would like to taste every person on Earth…hope is not lost, people!

     
  26. mitch, 16, January 2006, 14:01 |  

    Arachnae….you’re a grown woman, a hottie I’m sure, but come on…D & D???

     
  27. Lace Valentine, 16, January 2006, 14:17 |  

    [Comment ID #18829 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Maybe she’s talking cup size…

    :twisted:

     
  28. Nikki, 16, January 2006, 14:22 |  

    :D @ Wendy

     
  29. franklito, 16, January 2006, 16:03 |  

    I heard Angelina wants to have sex with every co-star she has, male or female, damn why didnt i take actin lessons damn :x

     
  30. franklito, 16, January 2006, 16:06 |  

    Angelina is the only one who can do justice to a video game, she made me want to raid her tomb.

     
  31. franklito, 16, January 2006, 16:13 |  

    ANGELina sounds like a spanish angel that came down to forgive all our erotic sins, she is smart humble and drop dead gorgeous she is an angel, oh did you see her in mr and mrs. smith, oh my, the scene where she snaps dudes neck, she had on the sexiest dominatrixs outfit i ever seen, damn she looks good, yo she can walk thru any hood in any part of this world and have thugs just fightin over who gonna talk to her aint nobody gonna disrespect that beauty every body b fightin to be her savior.

     
  32. franklito, 16, January 2006, 16:41 |  

    cmon that paperdoll is totally wrong wheres the :boob: :boob:and why cant you change her bra and :thong:, they need to upgrade that model thats like a doll that brad pit dumped to get with angelina. damn dont discrace her , but its funny, but still damn!

     
  33. MandyLocke, 16, January 2006, 16:54 |  
    MandyLocke

    What grade are you in, Frank? :roll:

     
  34. frisko, 16, January 2006, 17:07 |  

    So Angelina makes all the lists.

    huff

     
  35. David A Rost, 16, January 2006, 18:12 |  

    34. Mona Lisa wishes she had Angelina’s eyes. :roll: :roll:

     
  36. hellyeah, 16, January 2006, 18:14 |  

    :mrgreen:

     
  37. hellyes, 16, January 2006, 18:15 |  

    :wtf:

     
  38. hellyes, 16, January 2006, 18:17 |  

    Mona Lisa wises she had Angelina’s eyes.
    :roll:

     
  39. starhealer, 16, January 2006, 18:18 |  

    i tolk my hubby that is the only woman that i would alow him to sleep with as long as he shares with me :twisted:

     
  40. hellyes, 16, January 2006, 18:18 |  

    Wishes :P

     
  41. Tara, 16, January 2006, 20:02 |  

    I have long maintained that Ms. Jolie is the only woman alive (cause I’m into the dead thing???) that could turn me lesbian.

    I wouldn’t even fight it. AT ALL.

     
  42. Spud, 16, January 2006, 22:05 |  

    Lungt, you out did yourself with those comments, bloody hilarious.

     
  43. Dark_n_evil, 16, January 2006, 22:54 |  

    as you all keep ranting about being with angolina i figured id let ya know she is my wife to be…..grrrr just waiting for her to call me back. :dead: And as far as D&D its everyones opinion….so what im 24 and still playing….lol but at least i still get laid! (sorry daniel) LMAO! :twisted:

     
  44. Daniel, 16, January 2006, 22:59 |  

    As for Angelina, she hot, but a bitch. Not so fair of a trade, if ya ask me. :twisted: As for getting laid, Mr. Dark_n_evil, at least I’ve gotten some recently, more than I can say for you. :wtf:

     
  45. Dark_n_evil, 16, January 2006, 23:03 |  

    how would you know.. you been watching me?

     
  46. Daniel, 16, January 2006, 23:08 |  

    no but ya won’t shut up about your blue balls

     
  47. Dark_n_evil, 16, January 2006, 23:10 |  

    only cause you wont stop teasing me!!!

     
  48. Daniel, 16, January 2006, 23:11 |  

    simply put FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!’
    sorry to everyone else’s eyes, we’re not trying to go back and forth, but it’s just one of those things.

     
  49. Dark_n_evil, 16, January 2006, 23:13 |  

    LMAO!!! sorry everyone were brothers

     
  50. Daniel, 16, January 2006, 23:14 |  

    that’s cool, man

     
  51. Davezilla, 16, January 2006, 23:36 |  
    Davezilla

    Lover’s quarrel?

     
  52. Satine, 17, January 2006, 0:28 |  

    Angelina is probably the only woman that I would ever even think about having sex with. She is so HOT! :P

     
  53. harry faque, 17, January 2006, 1:45 |  

    [Comment ID #18814 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Aye, too funny Master Lung! (LMAO)

    I guess aAngelina gave Shake his Speare?

     
  54. Daniel, 17, January 2006, 2:09 |  

    I don’t think so Dave, he’s a close friend, who, if he doesn’t stop, might find his way into an ass kicking.

     
  55. Daniel, 17, January 2006, 2:10 |  

    and futhermore, Dave, that’s just sick!!!! :roll:

     
  56. Daniel, 17, January 2006, 2:12 |  

    35. Angelina is so much a goddess that her home is an ivory tower. :wang:

     
  57. truth teller, 17, January 2006, 6:29 |  

    Angelia is a beautiful woman but then again Demi more has her beat.

     
  58. Esther, 17, January 2006, 11:35 |  

    I’ve got no problems whatsoever becoming Angelina’s love slave. :kiss:

     
  59. Bobby, 17, January 2006, 11:38 |  

    While I agree that Angelina is the goddess of every man’s sweet dreams, and that the whole male world is focused on her…

    meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out how to get back in with Jennifer :wang:

     
  60. Rachel, 17, January 2006, 12:48 |  

    I would lick every inch of angelina and never wash my tongue!

     
  61. franklito, 17, January 2006, 16:51 |  

    im with rachel, i would too :P

     
  62. franklito, 17, January 2006, 16:52 |  

    who is demi more? :roll:

     
  63. Nasty Boy, 17, January 2006, 19:43 |  

    Angelina, yea baby, shes like :boob: :boob:, just the sight of her makes me go from :limp: :wang: :wang: :wang:, I wouldn’t mind gettin in her :thong: hell Yeah :P i’d lick her crazy, sex (oral too) here i come

     
  64. DaPopster, 18, January 2006, 10:10 |  

    Hey, they even named mountains after her, Grand Tetons ………. Translate THAT one with your Funk And Wagnals……… :P

     
  65. MandyLocke, 20, January 2006, 8:28 |  
    MandyLocke

    Lung, you are a genius :kiss:

     
  66. angelina lover!!, 25, January 2006, 14:07 |  

    I think angelina is the hottest girl alive… i’d do her in a flash.. and im a woman!!

     
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