Davezilla: Clean Humor, Filthy Comments

Every year since this site began in 1995, I have posted my resolutions. To date, I am still not King of the World, Master of Time, Space and Depravity, but I am still trying.

1. Continue on my yearly mission to find a cure for clowns and mimes
2. Catering to my 15 year-old cat’s ever changing whims
3. Discover a cure for skorts and gauchos
4. Lobby for a Federal Bill to make wearing of mullets at the workplace a punishable crime
5. Progressive cities like Toronto have declared it completely legal for women to go topless in public. Should a forward-thinking nation like America be left behind? I say nay!
6. Write a lengthy dissertation proving once and for all, that bowling is a game, not a sport
7. Declare winter illegal after Christmas, Hannukah or Kwanzah, whichever ends first
8. Find ways to integrate bunnies and cheese into everyday conversations
9. Drink more coffee
10. Do share at least one of your resolutions with the rest of the class

1. Wake up writing someone else’s blog
2. Declare war on Iraq! Oh wait, never mind…
3. Plaster the streets with incriminating photos involving your pet and a root vegetable
4. Tattoo Bible verses all over your body and then do a strip tease for your friends
5. Should anyone spill a drink on you, scream, “It burns, it burns!” in a possessed Linda Blair voice.
6. Declare sock garters to be back in fashion and wear a pair. Nothing else.
7. Put everyone’s keys in the toilet to prevent drunk driving
8. Arrive late, drunk and loudly announce, “Well, it looks like I’ve slept with everyone at this party already.”
9. “Hey yer Mom looks familiar. Whoa. Too familiar.”
10. And your suggestion is…?

Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Don’t ask me how Natalie and I got caught on a street full of carp and Polish hookers. It just worked out that way.

[before you freak out totally, see what these children are actually making]