What have you heard from the Surgeon General?
Our new landlord is rather fond of shall we say, vibrant wall colors. Our new hallway colors appear to be chosen from the cover of one of Jakob Nielsen’s usability books.
I was nine and going to my grandmother’s for my birthday. I loved going to my grandmother’s house. It was creaky, dark and she had children’s books dating back to the 1920s. The only odd thing about her was her recipes were … unexpected, to say the least.
This particular birthday, I was dropped off to spend the weekend at my grandmother’s with my cousin, whose birthday was a few days before mine. She made a cake for both of us.
“Do you like chocolate cake, boys?” Silly question. Of course we did. She returned with a cake with strange green frosting. Something appeared to be moving on top of the frosting. My cousin and I looked at each other nervously.
“Grandma?”
“Yes, dear?”
“What is that brown stuff on the top of the cake?”
“Coca-Cola. I know how you kids love soda, so I poured some all over the cake.”
“Oh.”
“Grandma?”
“Yes, David?”
“May I be excused?”
Carpet Cleaner #1: “Dude, you ever been to Screaming Eagle Casino?”
Carpet Cleaner #2: “Do you mean, Soaring Eagle?”
CC #1: “Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah, that one. I been there last week and I wasn’t s’pposed to be cause I’m on probation still.”
CC #2: “What the Hell for?
CC #1: “Oh, my ole lady turn me in cause I shit in her sock.”
CC #2: “The Hell. Just for that?
CC #2: “Wait. This the same broad that made you a cake outta watermelon?”
CC #1: “No, this is another one. Jill, man. I’ll shit in her sock again tonight if she don’t shut up.”
